Monday, September 23, 2013

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!: Prince Harry, British Royal and Son-of-Diana Bringing His Natural Charm, Easy Style, Sense of Humour, Child-Loving Sensibilities, and Effortless STAR POWER to Oz Just Before Madam's Looker Me! Tour #4,562: Looker WHO?

"No worries, eh, Mary?"
Behold the news! His Royal Highness, Prince Harry of Wales, grandson of the Queen of Australia and son of Diana, will be travelling to Australia in early October! He has been invited to make an official visit by the federal government and new, conservative Prime Minister Tony Abbott. Prince Harry will be participating in ceremonies marking the centenary of the Royal Australian Navy's Fleet into Sydney. Hallelujah! He can warm up the crowds that will surely grow larger and more excited for Princess Mary Donaldson of Sandy Bay who will be arriving in Sydney in late October to celebrate the 40th anniversary of the Opera House, the kick off event for her latest Looker Me! Tour of Australia. Mary will no doubt soon be writing an immaculately spelled, hand-written note to Cousin Harry thanking him for paving the way for Mary's long-awaited return to her native home, and for not stealing her thunder. Hope Harry's thank you is better than Jayson Brunsdon's; Mary finally had her lady in waiting write to him one and a half years after the March 2005 inaugural Looker Me! Tour during which he loaned Mary some fancy frocks, and on the card, his name was misspelled. Oopsies! Good help is SO hard to find, so Mary knows Harry will totally understand.
Gettin' ready!!!!!!!

Prince Harry To Visit Australia in October         

Prime Minister Tony Abbott announced the royal visit on Monday, adding that he looked forward to welcoming the fourth-in-line to the British throne.

"Australians have great warmth towards members of the royal family," Mr Abbott said in a statement.

The playboy prince, 28, will attend numerous events held to mark the centenary of the first entry of the Royal Australian Navy's Fleet into Sydney, including the harbour city's International Fleet Review.

The event is being held from October 3-11.

Captain Wales, as he is known in the military, is an operational Apache helicopter pilot with the British Army Air Corps.

Although he visited Australia during a gap year in 2003, this will be the popular royal's first official visit representing the Queen.

The Prime Minister's office said further details of the visit would be released closer to the date.

Behold how both Harry and Mary have SO MUCH in common, and therefore, how this visit of Harry's shouldn't worry Mary in the slightest!

Tatler is the premier British monthly chronicle of the aristocracy and their hangers on.
 Mass market No Idea is Australia's best media outreach to bored housewives stuck in the checkout lane at the supermarket. 
Both Harry and Mary have a love for Africa, and aren't afraid to express it through dance!

Prince Harry dancing with deaf children in Lesotho in February 2013 during a visit to see the work his charity Sentabale is doing at local schools.

Mary on her first Looker Me! Tour of Africa, where "Ugandan Discussions" first became a catch-phrase, made even more meaningful by further trips to the Dark Continent with boyishly handsome, Danish government officials!
African children in particular touch the hearts of both Harry and Mary and they extend themselves by being sensitive as guests in this continent, what with white skin that historically marks one as a perpetrator and/or beneficiary of the unequal colonial system, and they help break down barriers and show they are accessible, warm, and undemanding!
Prince Harry horsing around with a couple of adorable little rug rats in Lesotho in 2006.

Mary enjoyed greeting the children of Uganda on her visit there in 2010.
Both Harry and Mary are very sensitive to the particular needs and insecurities of children who live with chronic illness, disease or handicaps, and they go out of their ways to make these kids feel better about themselves and not alienated.
In 2011, Harry attended the WellChild Awards in London in his role as patron, in between his Apache helicopter training in Suffolk.

Mary in 2008 at some event thinggie. She had on a new coat and left with lots of beautiful flowers!
Both Harry and Mary have straight up-and-down bodies with flat abs, strong, manly muscle tone, and plenty of testosterone! Whoa, tiger!

Prince Harry during his naughty 2012 Las Vegas escapades!

Both Harry and Mary, being dedicated patriots, have gone out of their way to visit Walter Reed Army Hospital on their official visits to Washington, DC. They enjoy meeting the soldiers and letting them know that their British and Danish allies in Afghanistan are grateful to them for their service, are concerned for their health, and are interested in their rehabilitation.

In May 2013, Prince Harry took time to chat with some of his American counterparts who are learning how to physically and mentally cope with their amputee status.

Mary's beautiful curls and natural ease made everyone she met feel really comfortable around her.

Prince Harry may be the British sovereign's grandson and the fourth in line for the throne, but he is certainly not above joining a volleyball game with some military amputees on his visit to Walter Reed.

Mary wore some really awesome body glitter on this visit. Hopefully, the soldiers appreciated this extra touch as Mary's keen attention to detail never waivers!
As world leaders and royal family members, both Harry and Mary have the opportunity to meet some of the leading public figures of the world. They have both enjoyed meeting and working with Michelle Obama, wife of the 44th American president.
Harry was guest of honour at the White House where he and Michelle Obama paired up to host a party for the children of some of America's service men and women.
Naturally, Mary was quite unintimidated by the American First Lady who likewise showed so much interest in what the Danish Crown Princess had to say!
Both Harry and Mary find Kate Middleton fascinating and love to amuse the Duchess of Cambridge and make sure she's always happy and smiling. They both understand what Queen Elizabeth understands, that what is important is how people remember you made them feel.

"Oh, Harry, stop it, you're too much! It's ok, I WANT you to see too much of my anatomy!"

"Who does this crazy Danish bitch think she is? I thought Europeans were better at English than this!"


On a serious note, both Harry and Mary understand the importance of defending one's nation, and all that is good and right in the civilised world, and that includes engaging in military service.

It was no PR exercise for Captain Wales while he was serving on active duty during his second tour with the British Army in Afghanistan's Helmand province.

Mary recently went over to the remote island of Bornholm, best known as a haven for campers, to learn how to defend Denmark from, well, that part was left off the press release!

Harry's first tour of duty was top secret from 2007-2008, but this photo was taken during his 2012 second tour while out on patrol, although his official role was of a co-pilot gunner. Harry knows that everyone has to do their bit.

Mary visited Afghanistan quickly and got a tour from an army biggie! Note how Mary coordinated her ascot and bronzer to her camo fatigues!

As committed soldiers and patriots, both Harry and Mary understand that sometimes one's colleagues make the ultimate sacrifice. Both royals understand the importance of pausing and reflecting on lives lived and sacrifices made in service to peace and liberty.

Prince Harry at Arlington National Cemetery, Washington, DC, 2012

Madam la Comtesse de Monpezat at Arlington National Cemetery, Washington, DC, 2010.
Of course, both Harry and Mary work hard, which means they like to play hard. Hey, no harm, no foul! Both Harry and Mary like to let their hair down in between such intense official and work duties to party in London in bespoke suits!
Prince Harry leaving Boujis, the club of choice for London's elite.

Mary wearing the jacket of Danish restauranteur Søren Jessen. Her left arm seems to have jerked back quickly from holding Søren's arm, as if surprised by the photographers. Søren, too, seems to be caught moving his right hand back to his pocket! It must be really cold!

When engaged in activities that preclude the need for underwear, Harry and Mary are careful to keep their pink and bald bits hidden from immodest eyes. The royal zizi must always remain a mystery!
Typical military man: work hard, play hard! It's all good, Harry's single!
While her hubby was enjoying the feminine scenery in Buenos Aires, Mary and her G-string left the children and got shit-faced in London with her Temperley London (formerly Georg Jensen) friend Ulrik Due Garde and minder Julie Mølsgaard. Mary understands the importance of good hygeine, so it was smart of her to give the Presque-zizi some fresh air!
It's important to remember that both Harry and Mary are present for friends in need. Sometimes friends go out for a night on the town, and they end up feeling bummed or lonely and it's quite royal behavior to try and cheer them up!
Harry in a London club chatting up a bored blonde.

Mary out to cheer up several of her really depressed girlfriends who're drinking too much to drown their sorrow!
Rejoice that both Harry and Mary looooooove babies! Thank goodness since holding babies is such a big part of the royal job! Mary loves them so much she had four of them!

Prince Harry at the Queen Elizabeth II Hospital in Barbados in 2010 visiting under the guise of his charity Sentabale.

Princess Mary landing in Tasmania in 2008 with adorable Prince Christian for a relaxing holiday with the Donaldson clan.
Harry showing his easy touch with children while in Barbados.
To the great awe and relief of all, Mary comforted Syrian babies at a refugee camp in Jordan last month.
Happily, both Harry and Mary come from large, close-knit families who enjoy spending time together!
Celebrating Granny and Grandpa's Silver Wedding Anniversary with all the cousins.
The ocker Donaldson clan formerly of Port Seton, Scotland, now of Hobart, Tasmania, in all their bogan glory. Notice Mary's sassy aunt on the upper steps!
They like to get together for parties in celebration of the nation!
Mary, Pa and Suse in a muumuu at the 2005 backyard wedding of cousin Alison, sister-in-law to convicted child rapist Brendan Johncock who was at Mary's 2004 wedding hosted by Daisy. Now that's stick-togetherness! Never mind that Papa 'Half-Mast' Boganson learned about the Miracle Twins from his aunt in Scotland who heard the news on the radio!
Both Harry and Mary have delighted in getting to know the former Camilla Parker-Bowles. They have been diligent about treating the future queen and newish member of the British royal family with grace and respect, especially at official events. Harry and Mary understand the power of positive relationships and public movements.

At Windsor for a Service of Thanksgiving in honour of the Queen Mother and Princess Margaret in March, 2012. Perhaps Camilla here is telling Harry all about his Danish cousins from her and Charles' recent visit to Scandinavia!

March 2012 on an official visit to the set of The Killing (Borgen), a visit requested by the Duchess of Cornwall who is a huge fan of this television show. Out of gratitude for Camilla being such a fan, the lead actor Sofie Gråbøl presented her royal highness with a cardi version of the famous "Sarah Lund jumper". Princess Mary was beside herself with happiness at this very touching gift!
When in Australia, both Harry and Mary love to engage in thrilling outdoor activities that are particularly "Aussie" in flavour!
Harry during his gap year in 2003 on Tooloombilla Ranch, on the daily round up with the Hill Family while training as a jackaroo. Like Cousin Joachim did back in the 1980s at Wagga Wagga!
Mary on a run to the chemists where pharmacist sister Jane "sold" her some his and hers Huggies in a pre-arranged advertising gig.
Neither Harry or Mary are immune to the charms of Australia's unique fauna!
At the beginning of his gap year, Harry gamely posed for official photies with koalas before heading off to the Hill family's ranch.
Prince Christian with a koala in 2006 before kicking a wallaby in the head during a visit to Bonorong Park Wildlife Centre in Tasmania when his mother had the press corralled for twenty minutes behind a locked gate.
Certainly Mary can see that she and Harry have so much in common that Harry will soon be forgotten once she lands back on her native shore. Let the Looker Me! Tour #5,122 commence in glory!


  1. Very well-written. Prince Harry has a natural charm and puts people at ease instantly while the hideous bogan is just so unpleasant like a stench which makes everybody wants to get away from her. See what her PR in Australia will drum up next for her coming tour. I guarantee it must be nauseating for normal people.

  2. This was a hilarious read.

  3. Congrats to the author, but shame on Mary. She is totally artificial and fake (and it shows).

  4. Is she posing for a porn magazine??

  5. I think this is my favourite entry or at least top 10! So good, so wrong but so right!
    She is no longer Australian...and she can't fake her compassion. She just doesn't get it. She's more Princess Anne than Princess Di - give it up!