Monday, April 30, 2012

Daddy Derf Lost In Denmark: Izzy Leads the Way Forward

Thank goodness for Our Izzy to pull Daddy Derf out of his funk and back into a non-drug-enduced Happy Place. Too bad about that mouth-breather of an older brother of hers, but the joke's on him. He looks like a Donaldson and gets to be the illustrious last king of Denmark. Iz, you get freedom and some money to pursue it to the fullest. What a spark. Stay tight with your papa, he seems to really love you and care about your well-being. See if you can convince him to give Nanny a few kroner to go out and buy you a little brush and barrette. (See, men aren't so good at that stuff. Remind him that MoreMore got her umpteenth black-lace-over-nude-lining dress and picked up a new tux for your pops, too.) Running around will be much more fun with your hair neatly pulled out of your face. This Cosette look's gotta go, hon. Love you!

Photo Gallery: Berlingske

Reumert Awards for Performing Arts: Yrma Rudely Stares at Cameras and Little People!


These photies reveal five core things about Yrma: 1) she doesn't like being touched as seen in the photo of her squeamishly reeling from being aided by the poor launch captain (but doesn't have the kindness to inspire such behaviour in her husband); 2) she's completely unroyal as demonstrated by her somewhat aghast staring at the little person standing close to her; 3) despite her official entry into early middle age, she's still playing her only card (sexpot to deter from lack of intelligence or substance), looking more and more desparate as her mid-section and visage belie the fillers and the stretch marks on her Spanx (the dress with its different coloured linings doesn't help); 4) she's a camera-whore par excellence, ignoring all and sundry to find the cameras to play to a fantasy antipodal audience falling in love with her again as they see these photos in a 12 page spread of the Sunday broadsheets at breakfast, demanding a new Looker Me! Tour and a petition against Westminster's rule; and 5) she is still playing to the British Royal Family by putting Derfie into a new, double-breasted tuxedo just like Charles wears. (Mary may need those pommie bastards off of her Aussie throne, but she still needs their approval - a strange, but not uncommon Commonwealth dilemma.) Double-breasted jackets are typically for men with girth, as they straddle one's middle expanse much better than a single breasted jacket à la Henri, with the potential projectile of that single, straining button. Maybe she's planning to fatten him up for the final slaughter?
The 2012 Reumert Awards took place at the Opera That Mærsk Built, across the water from Amalienborg. The guests represented some of the country's finest actors, directors and other performers. Note Maibritt 'Søs' Saerens' satirical ode to skanky Mary Donaldson by wearing a crystal-encrusted bra under a halter top - well-played, madam!

Video: TV2

Photo Gallery: BT

Fashion Slideshow: MSN Starlounge DK

Thursday, April 26, 2012

Yrma Vs. Pop Art: Pop Art In a Knockout!

This cat might just f*ck.her.up beyond recognition. Looking forward to the unveiling on Sunday, 6 May! Mary will never survive all the kinetic, fun, wildly coloured craziness in Britto's art. She's no longer young, has never been vibrant or exciting (except for when Derfie wore his beer goggles at the Slip Inn), and positive energy eludes her. She's a starved, pasty woman in a death mask and Bangladeshi hair extensions. She'll never survive chartreuse green or Schiaparelli pink! Hopefully she'll have spiral eyes and moving parts and spinning breasts or something to give her life!

Funny how the article gets in a little zing at Daisy with the unpaid labour bit and a big zing at Mary for being seen with a legal scourge. How many trips to Britto's Miami studio did Madam manage under cover? Riddle me this: how many Banana Republic and JCrew shopping bags fit on a Lego airplane?

Website: Romero Britto

Article: BT

Controversial Artist to Portray Mary

The Brazilian artist Romero Britto is notorious for using unpaid labor. Now he is portraying Mary.

The highly controversial pop art artist Romero Britto has been allowed to portray Princess Mary to mark the charity event of the year for Children's Aid Day.

But while Romero Britto is called world famous and praised for his artistic work throughout the world, as it says in the paper for the charity 's day, then the Brazilian-born artist is also notorious, if not to say despised, for his way of doing business.

Britto has his headquarters and his largest gallery in Miami, Florida, and here, he's created controversy in that he hires interns to work for him - without pay.

The Danish royal family has also had its turn in the media mill for repeatedly hiring unpaid interns.

Nevertheless the Crown Princess and Britto will meet on Danish soil Sunday 6th May, when the mentioned portrait is revealed to the public on the occasion of Children's Day. At the same time, a Britto-painted poster will be published for the day to include 30 new works by his hand.

From the sales of the new works donated an unknown proportion of Children's Day. The portrait of Crown Princess will not be available for purchase.

Wednesday, April 25, 2012

Court's Annual Report Released: Derf & Yrma Spend From The Money Tree: FU Danes!

                                           Party time at Cayx!!! Look what the Danes bought us!

The Danish Royal Court has today issued their Annual Report. Good news for Danes: no red numbers! Bad news: your head might spin off your shoulders from the more positive presentation of bad numbers. These two cost too damn much and no indication of the right or wrong of their spending. Let's see the receipts for a change!

Mostly this is sad. The Report includes a preface to the numbers which is a bit of an accounting of the activities and duties of the court. A bit of rah-rah-rah to get you thinking how much they must sweat. Pff. As pertains to Derf and Yrma, they seem to try to justify their boondoggle to America by reminding you, dear reader, that the two were interviewed by The Today Show and The New York Times even ran an article on their visit. That's all ya got, Grey Men? The court barely mentions the Australia visit, and when they do they try to pass it off onto Derf's weak shoulders (to avoid accusations of just another Looker Me! Tour by former Potts Point "salesgirl" Mary Donaldson). I guess after you admit that it was undertaken - officially - under the guise of going green, saying anything about all the flying and moving about for a huge team of minders, LIWs, secretaries, nannies plus Miracle Twins and 20 pieces of luggage would just be stretching poor Court Chief/Derfie Babysitter Christian Schønau too much.

Annual Report: Danish Royal Website

The Crown Princely Couple made two official business and cultural promotion visits in the U.S. and Australia, where both visits received great media attention. The promotion "Creative and Healthy for Life" in New York and Boston in October focused on Denmark's position in the field of digital solutions in health, active living and sustainability in architecture and gastronomy. The Crown Princely Couple gave an interview to The Today Show on NBC and The New York Times.
During the official visit to Australia in November, the Crown Prince was at the head of a Danish campaign under the theme "State of Green - Join the Future. Think Denmark ", with a participating business delegation of more than 60 companies. The Crown Prince traveled from Australia on to Vietnam on an official visit as part of the celebration of the 40-year diplomatic relations between Denmark and Vietnam.


The government allowance for the Royal Couple is defined in the 2004 Act on Annuities to Crown Prince Frederik. The performance will be referred to as the law of annuities. Adjustment of annuities will follow the same principles as described for the Queen's state performance.

Key figures for the Crown Prince's annuities (in DKK)
Income Statement
Revenue: 18,538,981 (2011); 18,132,000 (2010)
Expenses: 18,476,737 (2011); 18,100,000 (2010)
Financial items, net: 4,062 (2011); 9,000 (2010)
Net profit: 66,306 (2011); 41,000 (2010)
Fixed assets: 2,828,330 (2011); 1,774,000 (2010)
Total current assets: 1,250,502 (2011); 2,603,000 (2010)
Total assets: 4,078,832 (2011); 4,377,000 (2010)

Equity: 129,106 (2011); 63,000 (2010)
Total current liabilities: 3,949,726 (2011); 4,314,000 (2010)
Total liabilities: 4,078,832 (2011); 4,377,000 (2010)

Net profit of 66,306 kroner transferred to equity.
The Crown Princely Couple moved into Frederik VIII's Palace at the end of 2010. In connection with moving, furniture and office equipment were purchased, which affected the total procurement of goods and services in 2010. In 2011, there has remained higher spending for furniture and furnishing of the palace, which was not covered by the state construction grant. This explains the VAT refund amount of 2.4 million kroner (see page 15). Furthermore, the pair had a significant travel activity in connection with official duties."

The Knud Treatment?: Rehabilitation to the Joachim Model, Or Gentle Introduction to Kong Joachim?


Ah, look at the silly little Dumbledork. Still all jittery and immature and lacking total composure as he receives guests in his own home. Yesterday, Prince Joachim in his capacity as patron of the Danish Diabetes Association, received the participants in the European Diabetes Leadership Forum at a reception at Amalienborg. Since the Schackenborg tribe are currently allotted an attic garret for their Copenhagen living quarters, Joachim's guests were received at brother Derfie's multi-million kroner pad.

Underscoring the stark difference in their living arrangements is the confusing fact that the elegant, regal, fully upright gentleman in the two person receiving line is the younger brother - and therefore legal subordinate - to the doofus at his right. Fred even seems to curtsey to one of the women guests. He does get SO confused. Madam must make him curtsey to her every morning; old habits are hard to change.

One thing that is still unclear about the evening is how distracting the bangs, bumps and cries from the private Bogan Quarters upstairs were to the guests? Or how well the guests enjoyed the Vegemite on toasts served (Madam's larder is not well stocked)? Or if Mary "accidentally" left a mink teddy bear in the corner as an excuse to retrieve it in a see-through chiffon evening robe? Nah. She only saves that stuff from when the cameras are taking note.

Press Release: Danish Royal Website

Photos: Martin Sylvest Andersen, Scanpix Denmark/Lehtikuva

Monday, April 23, 2012

The Rehabilitation of The Derfster: Continuing Saga: Where Will He Go From Here?

After drying his tears from Saturday's funeral, Derfie got on with his gray-men-authorised PR rehab schedule and showed up sober and fairly interested at the opening of a new rehab centre for military veterans (it's always easier to get him places in a good mood without Madam La Crétine anywhere nearby). Here, Derfie once again sees what real men in Denmark have to go through on a daily basis. Strengthening the body after war isn't exactly the same as strengthening the spirit after having married a monstrous narcissist who diminishes your every move and thought until the cameras come out and she decides to love you again. But hopefully inspiration will come to the boy: "if they can do that, then I can surely shake off Mary Donaldson?" That's it, Fred. Keep those thoughts moving.

Article: BT

The Crown Prince Opens New Rehabilitation Centre for Soldiers

Today Crown Prince Frederik inaugurated the new rehabilitation center at the Garderkasserne in Hovelte. Since Frederik is the patron of the Soldier's Legation association, he had therefore been asked to cut the red ribbon, when the new centre in North Zealand was inaugurated Monday morning. Soldier's Legation is an independent foundation, which helps former soldiers who have been injured, get on with their lives. After the ribbon was properly clipped, Crown Prince was shown around the centre. Here he saw how the exercise machines can help to retrain Danish soldiers who have been wounded in body or soul. It was a very attentive, interested and attentive crown prince, who toured the center. Here he met several current soldiers who have served in Afghanistan. The soldiers were either injured or have suffered an injury in terms of congestion of the body. "This places namely great physical challenges to the soldiers to carry around the heavy equipment under extreme conditions such as extreme heat and allow it to be fired when deployed to Afghanistan," says Ann-Christina Salquist from Soldier's Legation.

Mærsk Mc-Kinney Møller Funeral: Mary Dons Witchie-Poo Hat and Fakes Affection For Blubbering Derf

                         The real queen of Denmark, Prime Minister Helle Thorning-Schmidt

Saturday, 21 April, Princess Isabella's 5th birthday, the funeral of Mærsk Mc-Kinney Møller, Danish industrialist, arbitor of old school Danish mores, royal family benefactor, Knight of the Order of the Elephant, richest man in Denmark, took place at Holmens Kirke, the church where the Miracle Twins were baptised. Daisy came en famille entière because a good showing at the church ups the chances of getting last minute spoils from the overflowing Mærsk coffers. Derfie lost it and cried in church, Mary took the opportunity to play "Supporting Wife" in front of the cameras, Marie had a particularly elegant suit on (with tragic felt garden hat), even Henrik seemed to play along and he doesn't like formal duties nor church settings. The funeral was "by invitation only" which seemed to be designed to keep out looming Sluuuuuuuuuuuuurrrrrrrrrrrrrrrpsons looking for hand-outs (guess they'll have to go through Mary now if they want anything). Among the guests were fabulous Prime Minister Helle Thorning-Schmidt and the US Ambassador to Denmark (MMM's mother was from Kentucky, most likely a rich horsey family familiar with the (real) queen, Elizabeth), plus Mary's former Lady-in-Waiting Victoria Bernstorff-Gyldensteen, her husband and her mother-in-law Bente, MMM's companion in the last years of his life. You know she gets a bauble or two. Sometimes, Yrma, it is not enough that you are the crown princess; it helps to be close to and nice to people.

Photo Gallery: BT

Article: BT

"Look, you little bitch, you toe the line or we'll let everyone know you're just a sluuurrping bogan."

Happy 5th Birthday, Izzy! Daddy Wants To Get You a New Mummy But MoreMore is a Hard One to Battle

That Yrma. Sister's got mad survival skills, you gotta give her that. While at the Trend hunting lodge in early April (instead of joining Daisy in Aarhus for Easter Week), she pulls out the prop camera typically used during photo calls when she has to balance her sex-it-up, inner-thigh-flashing in skimpy, but matronly eyelet fabrics with pretending to coo and care about her frolicking, royal gargoyle progeny (who knew if her camera could actually take photos? Could have been an empty film prop for all we knew!). Then she snaps some dull, off-centre and lifeless photies of her sparkling imp named Izzy (a good photographer knows how to extract life and personality from her subjects, telling that Iz's own mother can't do that), gets the credit for being "artistic", with a byline ("HKH Kronprinsessen") and the result is Loving Mummy Mary trumping Cool Involved Daddy Derfie. 'Take that, you sniveling cry baby!,' Mary seems to be saying to her limp rag husband. Kids caught in between. Nice. Mary, you're no photog! (Remember those other backlit shots from the dunes a few years ago with Xian was a baby? Photography 101, Mares: sunlight ON your subjects, not behind them, unless you're trying to de-emphasise any bogan details of their physicality.)

Hope you had a really great day, Iz! And got lots of great pressies and Daddy and the nannies and Auntie Katja (smuggled in the back way) gave you lots of love and positive attention. You deserve it. (Maybe Daddy Derf had the German Vogue style team come back and re-style your hair into a cute, manageable bob again?) Someone's got to help you out with that overbearing public behaviour and window-licking. Not your fault, love. You've got a lunatic as a mother. You'll be fine, you're cute and spunky and spirited; just focus on life outside of the palace walls and making wonderful friendships.

Meanwhile, Arriana Huffington's staff has decided, out of sheer confusion, to call you a hipster princess (but take the piss out of your mother by making fun of the dated scrunchie in your hair - hey, worked for Hillary and she's going to be President), a meat-packing district babe, a Brooklyn boho. Eh, take it, Iz. Sympathetic press is what you've got to start building. They think your mother is being ironic dressing you like the Bridge and Tunnel crowd, a girl from Queens who took the subway into Manhattan to take in the sites. I mean, a scrunchie and a hand-me-down owl jumper from your brother? Look, Iz, you're a PRINCESS OF DENMARK! You're starting to lose your baby fat and become a little beauty. Thank God you take after the royal side and look like your father. Your mother is going to be competing with you soon enough and will take the press with her in nasty and head-turning ways. Build the goodwill now and cash out when you're 18 and want go Stephanie of Monaco on us.

Photo Gallery: BT

Article: The Huffington Post

Article: Berlingske

American Media: Isabella Is a Hipster

A jumper with an owl, skinny jeans and a hair band where there is fabric around the elastic - last seen known and loved in the late eighties - and big boots. It sounds like the uniform of a young girl in the meatpacking district, but it's also what the Danish Princess Isabella has in a new photo series which the court has published on the occasion of the Princess's fifth birthday today.

The pictures were taken by her mother, Crown Princess Mary, and they show a happy little girl, smiling, sitting in the open. The pictures were taken during Easter at the hunting property Trend in northern Jutland in early April.

But for the US internet news site The Huffington Post, the photos show a hipster princess who might as well be the princess of Brooklyn, a trendy neighborhood in New York, not of Denmark. "She is wearing what we consider to be a mini-hipster outifit. Owl sweater, scrunchie, an ironic hair accessory, tight pants and boots. She could stand in for the Princess of Brooklyn," writes Huffington Post.

Isabella is the third in the Danish succession after her father Crown Prince Frederik and her older brother Prince Christian. It appears that Huffington Post is not the media that gets the first interview with the Danish princess. They broke the clause in which the images are sent from the Danish court which implied that the images first had to be published today, 21 April, the princess's birthday.