Friday, September 28, 2012

FAIL: Princess Yrma Sluuuurrrrrpson in New York: Why Poverty Indeed When You Can Shag a Weak Prince and Live on the Taxpayers' Kroner? Amirite!?

"I fight poverty monthly by giving my esthetician loads of Danish taxpayer money in exchange for face fillers, bleach and wax. She uses it to buy food. Therefore, I am a hero."

Back to The Mary Show! Sorry. Hope nobody's eating! Miss Thang made her way from her "sick bed" during her latest Wounded Wife routine in light of her husband partying all night with his jetset buddies the second they touched down in Copenhagen after a visit to Brazil, all the way to New York City to shop and give a little speech on poverty in what looks to be a basement conference room at the United Nations (Ahmadinejad and Bibi with his cartoon bomb got the main auditorium). The real bomb was here when the woman in a new orangey-red dress two sizes too big marched up to the podium and gave a little speech that she had written down but not memorised.

Mary, Mary, so contrary. The poor UN staffers called in to fill some of the seats couldn't have been impressed with this self-conscious wannabe play-ah and her new hair and face fillers. How 'bout some arse fillers to make the dress fit? And really, Madam, new clothes, Prada stilettos and sparkly jools to make the fluff presentation on a new anti-poverty initiative? Could MoreMore be any less qualified to speak to poverty? Unless she's smarter than we've been giving her credit for being and knows exactly how the Danish state is about to go the way of Spain and Greece because of her stopovers later at Saks and Barneys? Or did she talk about how hard it was going into credit card debt while waiting on her destiny, the Black Amex attached to a whiskey-soaked pudding of a man hoovering kroner straight out of the pockets of hard working Danes?

Photo Gallery: Lehtikuva

Video: DR

Photos: Charles Guerin/AbacaUSA

Thursday, September 27, 2012

Princess Marie in Odense to Celebrate the Epilepsy Association's 50th Anniversary

Unlike her sister-in-law, Marie is relaxed and likes to make eye contact with people she knows, making them feel appreciated and connected.

How about a little palate cleanser everyone, eh? Marie was at the Odense City Hall today to celebrate the 50th anniversary of the Epilepsy Association. What a star! And quel contrast to her husband's brother's wife, the "premiere" princess of the land whose latest headache is from her most recent Failed International PR Looker Me! Tour in Brazil. Madam must be pounding the caipirinhas after seeing these photos and the positive reactions of the guests. Marie enjoyed herself, renewed relationships, charmed - not scared - the girls in the choir and brought attention to this worthy cause with her presence. Again, the provencial princess proves herself to be more sophisticated than the one who is desparate to make her mark on the capital and its adjacent, snooty Whiskey Belt suburbs. Bien joué, Marie!

Video: TV Fyn

Article: Fyens

Princess Marie Charmed The Children

The Epilepsy Association's children's choir sang from "Buster's World".

The flower girl came from Fjerritslev and sat in her wheelchair and was ready with bouquet, even though she was plagued by a sore on one foot. "I have not even considered cancellation. It is a privilege to be allowed to bid welcome to the princess and give her flowers", said Rikke Nørager Jensen.

She was rolled into position just past noon and was ready when Princess Marie herself rolled into position in the "Crown 65" royal blue Volvo limousine. The red carpet was rolled into position, and it was laid out in front of the town hall, so there was room for the reception committee and the guests that the Danish Epilepsy Association had placed on the site.

The Association celebrated 50 years and was invited to celebrate in the banquet hall at Odense City Hall, where there were city council members present and the association's President gave a speech, and there was singing from the children's choir.
The song "Quiet-quiet-quiet, Now the Sun Rises" from Buster's World was sung, and Princess Marie had a charm offensive running towards the children's choir.

The Danish Epilepsy Association is headquartered in Odense, and therefore it was natural to hold the reception hereThe association has approximately 6,000 members, and about one percent of the Danish population suffers from epilepsy. There are 55,000 persons with the condition. 12 new cases are recorded daily.

Photos: Jørgen Hansen

Monday, September 24, 2012

Brazil Day Six: Madam May Not Be Loved By Her Husband, Or Be a Woman of Substance, But You Will Notice Her as Someone Who Has More Stuff Than You!

"I'm not really listening to you, lady, because you have not earned my respect. A real princess would be kind."

Who shows up at a construction site in appropriately dressed in heels, loads of jewellery and a dress (and possibly even body glitter)? Yrma La Douche, that's who! By the end of the tour, MoreMore's mood had seriously dropped from its Day One high as the anticipation of positive and loving publicity (Madam is nothing if not an optimist!) evaporated like methane gas and tainted the mood of not only Yrma, but everyone around her, like being in a bogan living room after a dinner of too many chiko rolls and cherry ice pops.

On the final day of their failed romantic getaway, grand tour de bogan of Brazil, the failed love birds of Denmark took a tour of the Laphina grotto, and then a park where they helped dedicate a bust of The Derfster himself. As you can see in the video, Madam rustled up her most flirtatious self in the midst of her angst and cutesy-poo'd her way through an awkward event. She is so silly - she makes events awkward instead of putting people at ease. That's Our Mary - refusing to grow and evolve from the ute-shagging, VB-swilling good time gal from Sandy Bay! She thinks having money already makes her better!

After landing back in Copenhagen, Yrma went straight to the palace claiming a cold from the air conditioning. Derfie went on to a private black-tie party for buddy Christian Levin's 50th birthday apparently straight from the airport! That takes some planning to have your tuxedo pressed and ready for you with a driver ready to speed you up to the house in the Whiskey Belt northern suburbs. As these are not Madam's true friends, it makes sense that Yrma would play the wounded wife and single mother card against Derfie's preferences to par-tay with his and Emilie Jerichau's mutual friends. I'm sure he passed on Mary's regrets to a very understanding and relieved crowd!

Article with Photo Gallery: Ekstra Bladet

Video: YouTube


Back in Denmark, the Derf Man got his party on!

Photos: Keld Navntoft/Scanpix, 2012

Friday, September 21, 2012

Brazil Day Five: Yrma Sees Kate Middleton On Bare Breasts And Raises Her Wearing Pajamas In Public: Top That, Kate! Oh, My Husband's Bored By Me, Too!

Wonky eyes twitch as badly as left ankles when Madam is uncomfortable

Getting back to her bogan roots by walking around a sophisticated, major world city in her jammies, Madam contemplated how it is too bad that Louboutin doesn't make red-soled fuzzy slippers. Tant pis! Anyhoos, Madam did look like a rich old batty lady (more than normal!) with less sense than kroner visiting the Human Milk Bank in Rio with a lovely, busty "Fredesque" Brazilian actress as her guide. My, those south Americans are touchy! But if standing around surrounded by nipples is what MoreMore needs to do to one-up Kate Middleton, so be it. And Kate didn't do it in a clown-collared, paisley jumpsuit. Madam raises you, Kate! With a ridiculously oversized and overly bright magenta purse/suitcase. Take that! Proof in case you needed it that Anja doesn't know what in the hell she's doing and that Princess Mary Donaldson is a total fashion victim.

More fun comes during the We Are So In Love, DAMMIT! photo session along Copacabana beach, outside of the hotel they're staying in, the Windsor Atlantique, after a visit to the Rio 2016 IOC folks. A quick obligation to the Danish photographers, a little red meat for MoreMore, a little torture for Derfie. He can't stand her. Their body language gives away that they have no connection, no real relationship besides being united in their grifting of the Danish state and taxpayers with their insatiable desire for freebies. They walk down the sidewalk very distant from each other, then walk back toward the cameras holding hands as if each thinks the other has scabbies!

According to the Clown Princely Couple's agenda, they were finished with their official duties by early afternoon with a 7pm dinner the only other item for the day. Presumably, this was slush built into the schedule to accommodate Derf's pub crawls and Madam's need to exercise, fluff the Kate Middleton wig or push out a bowel movement. However, cousin Ragnhild of Norway's funeral was held at the Anglican Church, just up the hill from Copacabana. Ragnhild's best friend was Dead Countess Ruth (whose funeral buffet Jock and the Dumpling crashed and which was held on the very day Mares announced the Miracle Twins' birth) and she herself was the daughter of a former prince of Denmark, hence the close cousin-ship between Daisy and the Norways. How fortuitous that Derf and Yrma's visit to Brazil corresponded with this memorial service before Ragnhild's body was flown back to Oslo. But did our dud duo bother to show up and pay respects? Oh, hell no. What, you thought they were thoughtful and considerate? Mary went shopping in a cheap, nameless gift store to load up on cheap flip-flops, heady for her K-Mart days. Besides, Madam doesn't spend much on the gargoyles, Jane and Patty for Chrissie. They will love what they are given because Auntie Mary got them on a free trip to an exotic country: flip-flops in the colours of the Brazilian carnaval. Also, Mary feels the need to train Izzy not to expect nice things in life. Once a bogan, always a bogan.

Photo Gallery: BT

Photo Gallery: Isopix


"Getta loada this, Kate Middleton: better hair, plenty of boobs and no need for lawsuits. Your serve."

Photos: Keld Navntoft/Scanpix 2012

Thursday, September 20, 2012

Brazil Day Four: Poor Child Brazilians Discover One Thing For Sure: Mary Is Scary!

Not looking at what she's doing, just grabbun' the photo op! Bless this sweet gal for being game.

Madam seems to have psyched herself up and braced herself well for an afternoon in a favela with The Child Poors (medicine?). They're a happy, touchy crowd, so brava to MoreMore on the planning! She's even donned a previously worn frock! That, dear readers, is commitment to The Poors. She's done a pretty good job of smacking on the over bearing smile and even adding some new squinty-eye moves in an effort to squash any ugly rumours that her smile isn't genuine because it doesn't reach her eyes. The face did falter a bit during the dance routine and catwalk fashion show, but she perked right up during her stint doing what got her into her privileged position in the first place: giving a blow (dry) job with some really cute kids.

Before leaving The Poors to their slum life, she encouraged them to have hope, then drove off with armed guards in a German luxury vehicle. THAT, people, is true dedication to the cause and connection with the people. Or not. Even the armed guards are all, "bitch, please!" C'mon, Lene, it was really close to believable this time.

Photo Gallery: Berlingske

Photo Gallery: Sjællands Nyheder

Video: Sjællands Nyheder

"I don't understand you, honey!"

"It's so cute that you think I speak Spanish. What? Portu-huh?"

"The cameras will love this face!"

"If I just open my mouth in a pseudo-smile and lean in a bit, they think I'm listening!"

"Take the photo. Take it. Hurry."

"Finally, a bit of shade. You know, honey, I used to be that flexible."

"Hahaha. Hahaha. Hahaha. Wonder if that's enough fake laughing? Hahahaha. That should do it."

"You're getting a leeeeetle too close, dear."

"I hope someone is setting up drinks over there."

"You all are funny. If only Denmark was actually this colourful and warm!!!"

"You mean, you actually want me to touch her hair?"

"I think this is how Søren does it."
"Phew, that's over with."

"Leaving! Happy!" 

"Um, is there anyplace I can wash my hands? I have The Poors all over them."

"Finally. Out of the cage. That was a nightmare."

Guard and spectator both: "Bitch, please."
"I live in a palace and you don't!"

"Take me in Danish Community in Brazil, drink up all that you've bought me!"

Photos: Keld Navntoft/Scanpix 2012