Wednesday, February 5, 2014

Happy Birthday, Mary! Thanks For the Laughs, the Blog Friendships, the Good Times: My Work Here Is Done: You Are Still a Loser. Good Luck With That.

"What? You'll be back. After all, it's ME!"

This is the last post of the Danish Royal Media Watch. Barring any head injuries or divorce announcements at the court of the Clown Princely Couple, this is it. One last chance to say goodbye and to thank you and Maz for all the good times.

Nota bene: there is no truth to the rumours that this blog has been shut down by Daisy, the Grey Men (tm), or any another person or entity. It's just time to move on and focus on wonderful life changes. I'm also finally tired of waiting for Fred to divorce and have no more energy for a dipshit fame whore from Tasmania as she brings Denmark closer to revolt and a republican form of government.

I hope Hester will pop up in the comments and give her two kroner on thissie, but I think she'd agree that the whole time she and I put this blog and the CPMary blog together, you all (both our friends and the sourpusses) have kept us going. Yrma may be the petrol that has fueled this motor, but you've been there to make us want to drive down this scenic royal road. Thanks for the fun, here and on RD. Most of you have been a delight to write for and have fun with. It's amazing to see how many people all across the world have followed the blog. Every funny and lovely comment was an uplifting joy to read. Nearly every pissy comment was pretty fun, too. As Derf is yet to discover, you can't fix stupid, but you can have fun with it! Thank you all.

Today is Mary's 42nd birthday. I still take no comfort in the fact that she is a woman who has arrived at middle age with every material comfort and extravagance at her disposal as a person with no sense of duty, no self-awareness, no empathy, no sense of obligation or responsibility except to her own vanity, with a jowly face full of fillers and as a truly corrupt and ineffective representative of the Kingdom of Denmark. She doesn't just suckle at the public teat; she demands more and better milk beyond anything she can drink. Mazza is a vapid, unimportant, uncaring, totally narcissistic tick on Denmark's arse, sucking up all the blood she can drink until the peasants realise they should pull this toxic insect out of their skin, yank its head off (metaphorically), then send it to the waste bin of history.

Mary, you will always be a loser.

Saturday, December 21, 2013

Ivalo & Minik Foundation: Izzy Again Out in the Cold: Christian Gets Keys to the Kingdom, Miracle Twins Get Greenlandic Philanthropy

Poor Izzy. Always a bridesmaid, never a bride.

Older brother Christian is all Boganson, a mini-Jock 'Half-Mast' Donaldson, maths autistic and all. His recent appearance in a video with his family for the Sydney Opera House anniversary showed a mouth-breathing, flat-headed, moon-faced dim-wit and at a recent Chrissie programme, he sat in the corner preoccupied with a Rubik's cube, not at all to Maz's dismay, so you can tell she has some experience with this behaviour within a family. At least they dress him well.

Izzy was at the same Christmas concert in a pretty dress, but in a coat far too small for her. She must endure being 'styled' the same way as her little sister, the two of them with long stringy hair insufficiently pulled back with silver headbands (where is a German Vogue stylist when you need one?). Hard not to get the impression that the styling was for Josie, then transferred to Izzy out of lazy convenience. Our girl is starting to become truly obnoxious. Playing with her pressies (why on earth do these greedy buggers not put an end to the freebies!?! Joizus!), regarding the singing choir girls with a scowl, half sitting in her pew bench, looking far too proud to have been given permission to hold Madam MoreMore's floral bouquet at an attempt at positive self-reinforcement, it's just too sad of a sight. She's ignored by her mother in the same video mentioned earlier, allowed to stand on theatre seats, generally being taught by default that it's ok to not have manners or self-control since she's not getting enough love at home. And she also has to suffer the indignity of watching her older brother get his first Greenlandic costume in a semi-formal ceremony at home. Nothing for Iz. Cause she's not the heir.

Now, not quite yet three years old, the Miracle Twins have an educational foundation named for them: Ivalo & Minik Foundation has been started to launder ALERKA money provide educational grants to Greenlanders who would like to study at the university level overseas (preferably Australia so Madam can "generously" be at the graduation ceremonies?). Hm. Given the hardcore problems of poverty and addiction in Greenland, perhaps a foundation named for Daddy Derf to help clean people up would be better. Hard to get accepted to Melbourne Law or Yale if your best friend is a fifth of vodka and you aren't either foreign royalty or legacy.

The Board includes Christian Schønau, the Derfie's chief of court and official babysitter for Mazza on her overseas jaunts. Partners include the Danish-American Foundation, the Danish Royal Court, Visit Greenland, and the University of Greenland. Contributors include the Nuna Fund, Greenland Bank's Business Fund, and two shipping lines, Royal Greenland (aspirant large-scale purveyors of seafood and by appointment to the Danish Royal Court) and Royal Arctic Line (owned by the Greenlandic government). If over-fishing is funding this thing, you can bet that a smart Greenlander will want some scholarship money to jump off this icy rock and hit other shores!

Perhaps Izzy deserves a grassroots funded foundation of her own - with the explicit mission of helping her to escape her completely fucked up family life and surroundings? Who's in?

Ivalo & Minik Foundation Official Website (click on Danish or British flag to change language)

Ivalo & Minik Fonden is a Greenlandic educational grant.

The purpose of Ivalo & Minik Fonden is to award grants to Greenlanders who wish to pursue international further education or an international postgraduate course, including internships in companies or organisations.

Ivalo & Minik Fonden is named after Her Royal Highness Princess Josephine Sophia Ivalo Mathilda and His Royal Highness Prince Vincent Frederik Minik Alexander, the children of His Royal Highness Crown Prince Frederik and Her Royal Highness Crown Princess Mary.

Ivalo & Minik Fonden was founded by NunaFonden in 2012.

Photo: Pernille Rohde

Thursday, November 28, 2013

Sportif!: Derf Goes Deep C Diving for Danish Television: Demonstrably Happier Without Madam and Casually Talking With His Mates

No wedding ring when he goes down! He's learning!

Our Widdle Fweddie was recently filmed with the divers and archaeologists involved with an 18th century shipwreck off the coast of Falster in the southern Zealand area of Denmark. This time he remembered that deep sea diving and wedding rings don't go well together and took his off. Dang that time in Florida when he went diving (hanging out) with the manatees (hookers) on an official sailing holiday (a secret Miami getaway) and his Greenlandic gold wedding ring fell off his finger (was left on a hotel nightstand and later pawned in the Little Havana neighbourhood). Those of you in Denmark will be able to watch the tv programme with Derfie next Monday on "Mit Danmark" (TV2). Always striking how much more relaxed and happy and semi-normal he appears when no where in the vicinity of Madam!

Video: TV2

Crown Prince in Deep Water in a TV ProgrammeOn Monday there will be a distinguished visitor on the TV series "My Denmark": Crown Prince Frederik comes for a visit.

Crown Prince Frederik is a tanned sailor who among other things has made ​​a name for himself in racing with holdings in DM and VM in dragon boating. On Monday, 2 December, he will be a guest on Troels Kløvedal's legendary ship Nordkaperen in the TV series "My Denmark".

But the voyage with Kløvedal also offers more than just a ride on the blue waves. The Crown Prince also gets the chance to play wreck diver to find interesting objects on a sunken ship from about 1707, located in Falster between Lolland and Falster.

In the clip above you can see the Crown Prince diving down to the wreck and finding himself a virgin in deep waters (the Crown Prince is referred to as "Diver 1" while he is underwater ).

To view the entire programme with the Crown Prince, link to TV2 Play: watch My Denmark on the website.


Tuesday, November 26, 2013

I Said, LOOKER ME!: Yrma In Damage Control Mode: Marie Getting Positive Attention, International Panning of the Kluge Portrait, Bach Falling on His Sword, New Guy Ugly: What's a Bogan To Do?

Mary: "Boo! You love ME, the Children's Princess, not that awful French piece, don't you!?
Girl: "Listen, cupcake, if you think showing up with sugary snacks is all it takes to win you points, you got another thing coming."
So, Mary has been having Caroline and Tanja read her the papers and they're all swanning over "natural", "gentle", "warm", "lovely", "kind" Princess Marie and all of her domestically-oriented, child-welfare patronages, and over cute Mr. Bach who resigned in a haze of confusion about his actual role in a relatively tiny government scandal related to overspending which is just a little too adjacent to how MoreMore handles her own affairs, and how he won't be around to accompany Madam around the world on her personal MeMeMeMeMe junkets and how his replacement Rasmus Helveg Petersen is not flirt-worthy, and how Fred might or might not be either on a major bender, or in rehab, and finally, how the international press was gobsmacked by the recent Thomas Kluge painting, including random American fashion bloggers and others who otherwise would not care one wit about Danish royals, and how instead of being all totally "any publicity is good publicity" it backfired and now through the photo-realistic messaging, everyone is awaiting the fall of Rome, aka Copenhagen, because of this family of weirdo freaks and this makes weird Mary and her weird children and weird marriage not so worthy of the next sugary cover of No Idea.
So what does our marketing genius do? Hits another kindergarten - but this time with cupcakes! messaging: Mary is very comfortable around food - with a Rasputin type named Herr Skæg (Mr. Beard from DR's Ramasjang) to get some good PR and make people forget that stupid Marie and stupid Bach and stupid Dorky Face Peterson and stupid slag bloggers who don't know anything about art! Yeah, that's the ticket!
Careful, Mary, men with super long beards didn't work out so well for Czarina Alexandra!

Friday, November 22, 2013

Looker Me!: Yrma at Randergade School: What Scandalised PM/Travel Partner/Flirt? I'M the Children's Princess! See? SEE?

"Uh, you can LET GO NOW, beer man person."
What scandal? No scandal! Former Cabinet Minister Christian Friis Bach is still in Parliament. The man resigned BEFORE anything came to the surface. Fell on his sword for having lied about how much in travel expenses were approved for the Global Green Growth Institute (GGGI). That means he is either made of solid gold, or a complete idiot. We'll be paying attention.
But isn't it interesting that Our Man Friis Bach (the Danish press is generally praising him for his hasty retreat from wrongdoing), has spent a lot of time travelling all over the globe with the Clown Princess, staying in 5-star luxury hotels while "working" with Madam on the elimination of poverty and cruel living and social conditions for women, aka, helping Madam the Countess of Red Soled Shoes Plucked From Copenhagen's Finest Boutiques exploit and denegrate locals while seeking the title of The New Diana so that finally someone anyone anywhere will make her an international celebrity. It never stops with narcissists. So, who is investigating the extreme empty spendthrift holidays in foreign ports that Madam MoreMore takes?
The Mary Fund plays a very sketchy role in Mary's life and public relations. Who uses this organisation to give her money to do what exactly besides purchase lots of medals to put over the heads of kids who participate in the annual Copenhagen-based anti-bullying race The Mary Fund sponsors? Who pays for the boondoggles to Africa and South America? The Malaysian conference? Amber's visits to Europe or America? Mary's wardrobe as purchased in the US and other countries where she can't get away with leaving the shops with the merch under one arm like she does in Denmark? The Mary Fund does nothing but promote Mary with peanuts thrown to groups that are associated with Mary's own patronages. So why are groups like Carlsberg giving so generously as they did as recently as last week (see photo above)? We do know Madam isn't above helping Danish (and other) companies with a little publicity in exchange for dough. She learned the details back in Australia long before Derfie was eating cereal in his boxers on Mary's sharehouse sofa. Now she's got deep pockets to use her skills on. What will be the next step? For now, it is DISTRACT THE PEASANTS WITH MARY BEING LOVED ON BY CHILDREN AND CARING ABOUT HEART HEALTH.


Tuesday, November 19, 2013

Yrma La Douche Requests Meeting with USAID Chairman at Amalienborg: Flirts With US Ambassador, Mistakes Smart Brown Person for Mary-Ego Vehicle, Sponsors Meeting for Cameras, Will Do Nothing But Get Free Trip to US Out of It

"So, I don't see a wedding ring on that finger, Mr. Gifford-Ambassador-Cutie-Sir, hihihihi"


Knock it off, for the love of Pete. Rufus Gifford is gay, Dr. Rajiv Shah doesn't care either, and you are no international saviour of anything but your ego. You weren't even on Shah's itinerary for this Scandinavian visit of his. Just because he's brown doesn't mean he needs your help! Just because he used to work for the Bill and Melinda Gates Foundation doesn't mean it will be that easy to become billionaire Melinda's next bestie (like she already is with the Norways). Quick, tell us what USAID does! Eh! Wrong, they are not the agency when you need aid to become a public figure in the US. Please employ actors who will teach you how to be a discrete, humble princess in Denmark. Focus your public "efforts" on a handful of strong, domestic issues and actually make them move forward instead of just showing up in New York City with a new outfit. No one cares what you do to your face, it's what you do to Denmark that matters.


Weary Danish taxpayers

"Did my darling friend Rufus here tell you how much I love The Browns?"

"I just returned from your home nation of Mexico, Mr. Shah. Such lovely Browns!"

Two Americans and a horse's ass!