Tuesday, July 31, 2012

London Olympics: Benedikte Wins Prize For Most Faithful Team Denmark Supporter; Henrik Does His Bit with Humour

"Hahahahaha, hahahaha, you've seen the size of my daughter-in-law's presque-zizi! Hahahaha!" 

No sign of Mary today. Was she locked in her cabin on the Dannebrog (docked at West India Docks) as punishment for wearing an Australian flag pin or prancing in front of the Aussie athletes? Is she getting an emergency beauty or personality treatment? Is she off shopping the sales, finding lots of 70% off made-in-China Olympics trinkets for Jane, Patty and the gargoyles for Chrissie this year? Or did she head to the nearest Jimmy Choo shop for more Kate Middleton gear? Did they even bring those kids of theirs!?

At any rate, she wasn't missed as the Derfster, Princess Benedikte and Henrik all did their bit to support Danish athletes. They are everywhere! Good for them. If you're going to be in one of the world's most expensive cities on tax payer dimes, then show your chops and earn it.

Derfie and Auntie Benedikte at the Danish Handball event, 31 July

Henrik at the sailing event, 30 July

Henrik on 27 July opening an exhibit at St. Katharine Docks called "Imagination - Discovering the Danish Spirit". Someone needs to tell Mary about that place - she might learn something!

Monday, July 30, 2012

Legoland: The Kids are Alright, It's the Parents Who've Got the Issues: It's Diana at Thorpe Park All Over Again

"Someone, anyone, wanna get me outta this fresh hell?"

So to thank the Kristiansen family for all the free rides on their Lego-jet, Derf and Yrma dragged their two oldest kids to the park not far from Gråsten for some free publicity. They were accompanied by Cousin Alexandra and her kids Richard and Ingrid, and on the row boat and roller coaster rides Yrma seems to be seated next to Kjeld Kirk Kristiansen, family patriarch, Lego Deputy Chairman and one of the richest men in the world. Yrma definitely knows how to chat up rich men for favours! No wonder she almost looks human in some of these photies. She's not actually flush with love in being in the company of her own children, she's flush with the promise of MORE. Look for a new holiday destination or yacht in the future. Derfie, on the other hand, looks like something the cat dragged in from a night of drinking and discos with young, nubile blondes. Props to the man for managing not to throw up in face of all of the G-forces each ride manages to conjure. Naturally, a tour in the Thorpe Park-esque water rapids was a must for our New Diana to conjure up memories of Mother Icon Diana to weave into the Mary Story. Anything to get the Brits to notice her! Funny, the Daily Mail doesn't seem to have a feature on you, Yrms - and they will feature ANYONE.

London Olympics: Uneven Spray Tans, Popped Collars, Aussie Love, Kate Hair & Shoes, Discomfort Around Other Royals: The Mary Show Continues!

"OMG, it's true. No one gives a rat's #%& about us!"

Mary's so funny when she knows she's on the world stage. She is so hyper self-conscious to be not just present and supportive of Danish athletes, but to also be photographed for Aussie consumption, making sure that her outfits are just right, sending out the carefully crafted "Kate Middleton's Muse" message that she has picked up from being a major Kate-watcher. It's not enough to look like Kate, however, she must become the Australian version of her. But to Yrma's dismay, she instead becomes the Kath & Kim version: popped collar, banana clip, bad orange rinse, ridiculous trainers on her big feet.

Even more funny is when Yrma is around other royals. It's the best thing ever for her posture! She sits up straight, poking the chin out, trying to be all lockjaw and casual about it, but over-doing it and coming across as stiff and unrelaxed. Just look at the other royals: super easy-going, low maintenance clothes and appearance, happy to be there, and ready to be their country's best cheering section. Yrma's real allegiance, however, is always recorded for posterity on Australian television, as per her specific orders. Aussie, Aussie, Aussie, OI OI OI!!!

 Hey, Mary, 1982 called. They want their popped collar back! (this goes for Xian, too)

"Fred. Why aren't they talking to me? What is going on? Turn around and make them talk to me!!"

Herrooooo! I'm down here, please!

That's better! I'll show off my tan legs while I casually slip my arm across the back of my chair. See? VERY relaxed and casual and keeping a skeptical eye on my puppy dog Derf so he behaves.

"Love you, honey!!" (Psst, Mares, Maria Teresa is on to you!)

Royals LOVE me. I win!!

"I don't know, Tessy, it was weird. She just came at me with the nastiest scowl on her face and I could hardly look back at her. If we didn't like Cousin Fred so much, she wouldn't have a chance!"

Daisy: "Why is your wife wearing her bitchface?"

Careful, Mares! Round shoulders give away bogan roots!

That better be an Aussie news photographer getting an eyeful of my newly tanned and oiled legs.

"Fred, this is broken, I can't see who is photographing me."

Yrma: "I hope no one notices that after tanning and oiling my legs, I didn't have time to do my face!"
Derf: "Are those blondes!?!"

Yrma: "Go Green and Gold!"
Derf: "Go Blondie!"

They didn't seen to stay long at Caroline Wozniacki's tennis tournament. Can't be late for the Australians! Interesting body language Derfo! Can't stand the wife, eh?

Nice of Cousin Benedikte to cheer on Zara Phillips with the Princess Royal and the Duke of Edinburgh! Yrma would have crumbled into a heep on the ground if she had to be in such close proximity to the hard-working, no-nonsense British royals!

Benedikte later took in some handball (Danish national sport, really) with Daisy and Henri.

Back to swimming! At least Danish athletes have a couple of people to count on!

More handball, with Mary in her Kate Middleton wedges and badly cut men's style trousers that do nothing to feminise her body, overacting for the cameras. Oh, and bad idea to wear an Aussie pin on your lanyard, Yrma. Very bad taste. BOGAN.

Friday, July 27, 2012

Let the Games Begin: Yrma Cruises Into London on Luxury Yacht Dannebrog; Waves To Peasants While Daisy's At the Palace

Yrma got new face fillers! It's bad when your mug looks worse than poor Charlene's new "I look like my mother-in-law" visage!

This should be fun. Yrma is STILL using the same photo taken of her in 2003 after the engagement was announced. What vanity! It's a little more closely cropped this time to try and throw us off, but it's still a nearly 10 year old photo. What a Dorian Grey moment. The woman in the badge doesn't age, but the badge is around the bull neck of a very old and unattractive woman. Also, what's with the sticky-out chest? Psychological reaction to being near a woman with firm skin tone and bigger tatas? Always babooning, our Yrma.

Yrma isn't invited to Buckingham Palace tonight to hobnob with her besties, Michelle Obama and the Duchess of Cambridge. Daisy and Dame Henri get to take her place. Kate and Michelle are not crying tears. And Lilibet won't have the embarrassment of saying hello to Derfie who think's she's his real mother. Yrma and the chimney-in-laws rolled in on the Dannebrog earlier even though Derf has been in town for several days. MoreMore needed extra time to ready her wardrobe and refresh with some new fillers at the dermatologist's, and some new Kate Middleton extensions just flown in from Mongolia. Kate better be impressed with Mary or she'll never hear the end of it. 

On their way to Buckingham Palace

Arriving in London, docking at West India Docks. Nice Greenland bolo tie, Henri!

Thursday, July 26, 2012

Sportif!: Freddie Gets His Olympics On, No Sign of Madam MoreMore Yet

He always looks strong and healthy whenever Yrma is absent!

Freddie's been in London now for several days in the run up to the Olympics (opening ceremony this coming Friday), but no sign of Madam. What gives? Is she too busy trying to parallel park the Dannebrog in the Thames? Hanging out at Harrods, trying to be noticed by foreign tourists? At a local salon getting dermabraised or resculpted or genetically reprogrammed by Yehudi with leftover DNA from all her baby experiments? On the self-guided tour of Diana Hot Spots like San Lorenzo trying to get some of her fairy dust to fall of her? She must still be in Copenhagen, however, judging by the look on Derfie boy's face. He looks positively radiant! Enjoying a cocktail at Buckingham Palace surrounded by his people - British royals and competitive athletes, the two groups to whom Freddles' soul is in exclusive allegiance. No bogans or hillbillies for miles! No wonder he is beaming! At the IOC meetings called by Lord Coe, he is fully awake and ready for the work ahead of him. Sportif!

Video of Derf with archery team: Billed Bladet

Article with photos: Jyllands-Posten

Article: BT

Crown Prince: Great to Run with the Torch

Denmark's Crown Prince Frederik has just finished his run with the Olympic torch through London's fashionable Notting Hill district. At 5pm, just before his run, Berlingske happen to catch up with the Crown Prince as he walked silently down the street. Clearly, no spectators knew that we were talking about Denmark's crown prince. 

Berlingske asked him what it meant to contribute to the Olympics in this way. Dressed in sports gear, cap and running shoes he replied: "It is great to run with the torch and be a part of the Olympic spirit. It is a good way to attract people to the sport." 

While Berlingske spoke with Crown Prince Frederik, two cars drove together - right on the route where the Crown Prince a few minutes later was to run. Fortunately it had nothing to do with the Danish heir. Immediately afterward, a young couple walked by, came over and asked Berlingske who was running the route. They were quite astonished to find out that a future Danish king had just passed them.

Photos: Reuters/Daylife