Monday, July 30, 2012

London Olympics: Uneven Spray Tans, Popped Collars, Aussie Love, Kate Hair & Shoes, Discomfort Around Other Royals: The Mary Show Continues!

"OMG, it's true. No one gives a rat's #%& about us!"

Mary's so funny when she knows she's on the world stage. She is so hyper self-conscious to be not just present and supportive of Danish athletes, but to also be photographed for Aussie consumption, making sure that her outfits are just right, sending out the carefully crafted "Kate Middleton's Muse" message that she has picked up from being a major Kate-watcher. It's not enough to look like Kate, however, she must become the Australian version of her. But to Yrma's dismay, she instead becomes the Kath & Kim version: popped collar, banana clip, bad orange rinse, ridiculous trainers on her big feet.

Even more funny is when Yrma is around other royals. It's the best thing ever for her posture! She sits up straight, poking the chin out, trying to be all lockjaw and casual about it, but over-doing it and coming across as stiff and unrelaxed. Just look at the other royals: super easy-going, low maintenance clothes and appearance, happy to be there, and ready to be their country's best cheering section. Yrma's real allegiance, however, is always recorded for posterity on Australian television, as per her specific orders. Aussie, Aussie, Aussie, OI OI OI!!!

 Hey, Mary, 1982 called. They want their popped collar back! (this goes for Xian, too)

"Fred. Why aren't they talking to me? What is going on? Turn around and make them talk to me!!"

Herrooooo! I'm down here, please!

That's better! I'll show off my tan legs while I casually slip my arm across the back of my chair. See? VERY relaxed and casual and keeping a skeptical eye on my puppy dog Derf so he behaves.

"Love you, honey!!" (Psst, Mares, Maria Teresa is on to you!)

Royals LOVE me. I win!!

"I don't know, Tessy, it was weird. She just came at me with the nastiest scowl on her face and I could hardly look back at her. If we didn't like Cousin Fred so much, she wouldn't have a chance!"

Daisy: "Why is your wife wearing her bitchface?"

Careful, Mares! Round shoulders give away bogan roots!

That better be an Aussie news photographer getting an eyeful of my newly tanned and oiled legs.

"Fred, this is broken, I can't see who is photographing me."

Yrma: "I hope no one notices that after tanning and oiling my legs, I didn't have time to do my face!"
Derf: "Are those blondes!?!"

Yrma: "Go Green and Gold!"
Derf: "Go Blondie!"

They didn't seen to stay long at Caroline Wozniacki's tennis tournament. Can't be late for the Australians! Interesting body language Derfo! Can't stand the wife, eh?

Nice of Cousin Benedikte to cheer on Zara Phillips with the Princess Royal and the Duke of Edinburgh! Yrma would have crumbled into a heep on the ground if she had to be in such close proximity to the hard-working, no-nonsense British royals!

Benedikte later took in some handball (Danish national sport, really) with Daisy and Henri.

Back to swimming! At least Danish athletes have a couple of people to count on!

More handball, with Mary in her Kate Middleton wedges and badly cut men's style trousers that do nothing to feminise her body, overacting for the cameras. Oh, and bad idea to wear an Aussie pin on your lanyard, Yrma. Very bad taste. BOGAN.


  1. Dude... wtf is your problem with Crownprincess Mary? Who btw is really hot according to the rest of the world.

  2. Dude wtf is your problem with crownprincess mary, who btw is considered one of the hottest princesses in europe, and her family?

  3. Hey dude. WTF can't you just get that Mary is a horrible hillbilly who is sucking the Danish taxpayers dry and will bring down the monarchy with her Marie Antoinette routine.
    Hey dude, it's ok not to like her.

    PS. She is NOT hot. She has unshaved pits and sweats too much and looks simian. Not hot..