"Why didn't I just abdicate my position on the throne, dump the bogan and move to Key West!?"
Freddums' presence did not inspire the Danish ice hockey team: they lost to Sweden 6-4.
This past week has seen the Derfster at no less than three sports events: a tennis workshop for Stay and Play; opening the Giro d'Italia cycling race; and flying to Stockholm for a hockey match between Denmark and Sweden during the IIHF World Championships. Derfie has learned from MoreMore: get a major organisation to legitimise you and you can fill your calendar with goof-off days galore! Mary does it for shopping trips to DC, Freddles does it for being the Danish honourary member of the IOC. Who does it benefit? Not Denmark! Poor Frex. He looks so beta in the company of both Prince Daniel and Danish cycling champion and Tour de France participant Bjarne Riis. Widdle Fweddie love pwaying wiff da big boys. Make him feel wike big man. Juss like nice ladies in Thailand. And juss like when he put socks in his jocks for big penif affeck. 'Wooker me! I'm biggah dan Madam my wyfe!'
Saturday, 5 May
Monday, 7 May
"It's not too late, man. Just slip out in the middle of the night. Take Izzy and Princent with you. She'll never notice they're gone."
"OK! I'll text her to f*&^ off right now!"
"Katja's bojangas are soft, round and perfectly formed. Real two-handers!"