Thursday, April 25, 2013

Lifestyles of the Rich and Royalty-Related: Pity, The Handwerks Can't Sell Their Seaside Mansion: Would Make a Handsome Post-Divorce Home for Yrma!

The home of Jeppe and Birgitte Handwerk

Looks pretty, but that waterfront stinks. Literally. It's a funny little thing that the Øresund - the body of water that separates Denmark and Sweden, that runs from Copenhagen on north to Helsingør (location of Hamlet's castle) and fronts the ritziest real estate in Denmark, aka the Whisky Belt, aka the northern suburbs of Copenhagen - is actually a very smelly body of water. The 'Whisky Belt' moniker refers to the easy life that most of these gold coast residents live. This part of the country is dotted with royal residences such as Sorgenfri and the holiday home (and post-Russian Revolution homestead) called Hvidøre of the sister princesses Dagmar (Empress Maria Feodorovna) and Alexandra (Queen of Great Britain and mother of King George VI), which is now owned by Novo Nordisk. The large suburb of Hellerup is where Xian's (and Izzy's starting this fall) school is located and where Professor Jock 'Half-Mast' Slurppppppppson tried living with his Dumpling near one of Daisy's ladies-in-waiting and lots of embassies, but they left for France after a short while. (Couldn't afford it? Crashed all the neighbours' garden parties with empty leftover containers? Name-dropped royal connections incessantly at the local pub and butcher shop?) The Hermitage Castle where the Hubertus Hunt is held with royals and bogans present is here. Also along this coast, further north, is Rungstedlund, the home and now museum of Karen Blixen of Out of Africa fame. Further on up is the famed Louisiana Museum, home of fantastic modern art and named not for the American state, but rather, for three queens, all named Louise, a name which would have been lovely for one of the three recently born princesses, but alas. Two are bogans and one is more French. At the top of the map is Helsingør, a charming town that is the pivot point for the nice beaches to its west, and the home of Kronborg Castle, said to be the fortress Shakespeare had in mind as Hamlet's home.

But you get the picture. This is a very swanky place to live. Well, Jeppe and Birgitte Handwerk live here in this lovely home in Vedbæk, but despite it being on the market for the past year, can't sell it. Seems they might have tried to be flippers: they bought the 5,000 square metre site and 400 square metre pile in 2011 just a year prior to listing it, and now it's been sitting for a year. Shame. It could be yours (slideshow embedded) for 45 million kroner. That's just shy of 8,000,000 US$. This article talks about how 'poor' Jeppe came into some money in 2007 and since his lack of money couldn't sweeten the pot for his former co-Navy SEAL Derfie, Jeppe acted instead as a bodyguard for the royal pot of spineless jelly. You see, you have to pay to play in royal circles. Jeppe has since figured out how to take advantage of war profiteering in Afghanistan. Poor Handwerks. It was bad enough they had to share a hellacious summer yachting holiday in the Mediterranean with Madam La Boganista, and that they had to tag along last Christmas to church with Derf, Yrma, and Amber Petty. Now they can't unload their gorgeous money pit. Perhaps they should negotiate with Henrik Wedell-Wedellsborg, the royal family's attorney and author of the pre- and post-nups between Yrma and Derf and the one who negotiated the sale of Alexandra's Svanemøllevej home, the papers for which were signed on 14 May 2004. They could sign the papers on Marie and Joachim's wedding anniversary! What wonderful elliptical symmetry that would be! This would make such a charming post-divorce home for the Countess of Monpezat when she needs a break from Australian PR events and advertising gigs for income and has to have 'I love my children more than anything in the world' photies made. Look at the lawn below - perfect for a 'Cathy in Wuthering Heights' moment when the children aren't around.

Article: Se og Hør

Jeppe Handwerk is Stuck With a Huge Million Kroner Estate

A price tag of 45 million might scare most consumers away. That's what being Crown Prince Frederik's friend Jeppe Handwerk is all about.

Its buyers can't in fact be found, although the enterprising businessman will have had his glamorous dream of a coastal villa for sale for a year now.

Jeppe Handwerk and his wife Birgitte bought the 403-square-metre home for 35 million in 2011. And as the price indicates, the house faces the Sound.

The property, which stylistically is almost a mini-clone of Amalienborg Palace, has been completely renovated with new electrical, new kitchen, bathrooms and pine.

The Handwerk-offer is set on over 5,000 square metres of land.

Now it seems that the jet-set couple, who stood as godparents for Prince Christian  (him)and Princess Josephine (her) were baptized, is stuck with a villa, which few can afford.

Photos: Ivan Eltoft Nielsen


  1. Jeppe appears to have the classic behavior of someone who didn't grow up with money, who now has some: over-reaches and gets in a bad rut. Yes, Mary would like this house. But she'd like it better if that were the Aussie coastline!

  2. Good! Get the divorce going already and send Mary packing ... Send her here and lock her up and lose the key! lol
    Don't care where she goes post divorce -- send her wherever just as long as she's not torturing us with her greedy filthy hands in Denmark