Wednesday, June 6, 2012

Mary in Greenland: Danish Taxpayers Pay For Vanity Romp in Tundra With Kid Props and Pricey Camera

"Hey, allow me to invade your space, not ask your or your parents' permission for this photo (which I will then use to exploit you in a vanity exhibition in Copenhagen you'll never see), and show off my skinny legs for the Australian media. K? You're welcome!"

Prance, prance, skinny leggings, riding boots for rich dominatrix effect, Prada puffer jacket to further accentuate the skinny legs, sexy pout, sexy pout, hair toss, camera flinging, click, click, I'm so artistic, prance, prance, wanna race, let's race, bet I'll beat you, see, I did! Pouty prancey pout pout. Looker me! Moment of calm. Look whistful, relax the facial muscles, angle face to light to minimise the chin and nose, channel Queen Alexandra. Why the $^&*# we'ren't I in London with the real royal family to celebrate fellow Scottish girl Lilibet? &$*# Daisy. Shhh. Breathe in. Let go. Sexy! Prance, prace, pouty pouty prance prance. Click, click. Eek, children! Smooth brow, relax the jaw, manic smiles for all! Tickle, tickle, I'm invading your space. Say you love me! Sticky-out bum bum! Look at that arse! Bounce a ten pence off that. Want more? Hair toss. Prancey, prancey, pout pout. Boo-boo-pi-doo! Run, look back for cameras. Action shot! Beautiful! Sportif! Skinny legs. I win. Grab child, smile crazy, let child go. Pouty pouty bum bum. ME!

Photo Gallery: BT

Whistful, Mary, whistful.

That's it, stare off into the distance. They'll eat it up.

Look off to the side, slight smile, they love it, I'm a goddess.

A little cheesecake, sticky-out bum-bum for my hosts! You're welcome!

SEE? I do so care about children, I'm letting one touch me! The kick backs I'll get from the Alannah and Madeline Foundation for using this idiotic purple bear will be nice!

Would this one stand still already? I need that face to make me famous back home in Oz.

I hope the camera behind me gets a nice, juicy shot. This one's for you, baby!

Grab her hard and get in her face! Kids LOVE that!

You're going to have to try harder if you think a diet of whale blubber is going to beat one of wheatgrass, sillies.

Right leg in front, shift weight to side, hair swept over, big smile, arm under camera like I'm f'ing Margaret Bourke-White.

Look, b*tch, I'm a goddamn princess. No more smiles until I get confirmation about tonight's mani-pedi and aromatherapy session.

Photos: David Droob/Scanpix

1 comment:

  1. She stole Princess Mabel's Ray Bans!