Tuesday, August 31, 2010

Billed Bladet #34, 2010

The cover proclaims Mary and Marie as "such good friends" and how they'll be attending the Greek fairytale wedding together, and how proud Margrethe is of her daughters in law, and OWW!! Another cavity!! Argh! Guess who's getting the dental bill, Anna Johannsen!? BB have, however, ensured that Marie occupies prime place on the cover, and they have chosen a "best pic" of Marie, and a "slightly odd" pic of Mary. They take things as far as they dare!

Mary gallavanting around Hobart in the same clothes she's been wearing evidently for an entire week straight. Posing, parting her legs, peek-a-boo tops and no evidence of a baby bump. That "thigh turned out" pose that she has been perfecting in front of the mirror has had its third outing in public. Mary's next endeavour: up the ante and do the "thigh expose pose" in Margrethe's company ... preferably, thinks Mary, at a formal do ... Mary was sans her wedding rings - perhaps Security told her not to trust Amber's Bandido pals at the party, in case she lost her finger ...

Discount Kronprinsesse! So, Mary flies all the way to Oz to buy school supplies in English and receive two pair of baby Ugg boots for free? Something very funny about Mary posing in front of 70% sale banners. Same with the Danish monarchy ever since she joined!

So, here is the hot pink, faux-Elephant Order sash that all of Amber's "Life Maids" had to wear, including Mary. Quite an insult to Daisy! Mary gave the first speech of the evening which BB assures us was a hit among the guests and moved Amber to tears. According to Amber, 'they were very beautiful words. She's just such a sweet and wonderful friend and helped me with my party dress and saw to it that I was the centre of attention and that first and foremost the evening turned around me." Sounds like Amber's trying to talk herself into actually believing some of that.

According to BB, Amber appeared on the dance floor with two drag queens, got on the stage, danced a naughty samba (still got the Miami Maria fever!), drank several glasses of champagne and even two days after the party was hoarse and had a spotty memory. Funnily enough, Amber's memory returned on her old station SAFM's competitor on FM radio a few days later, and she claimed that Mary "stayed over and slept in Amber's bed - top 'n tail!" (One wonders, where did the handsome security guards sleep?) Amber also let slip that she "didn't know when Mary had left" - some host, too busy having a "hot time", Amber said, to farewell her guest. This is what she said on air the Monday after the party to SAFM. "I'm still tired and sound like an old drag queen." On Sunday, Mary said "It was so nice to visit Adelaide and my friend Amber. I enjoyed every second of my stopover."

Marie is this week's laureat for the pretty but boring floral dress with gray cardi worn to the Odense Flower Festival. I guess even BB can't get behind Mary's strapless, mud-coloured, maternity jumpsuit with saddlebags and VPL! Some remnants of social modesty appear to apply to a woman pregnant with heirs: a cinched waist and no wrap is really not the way to go to a party in Adelaide's cool winter air!

Nikolaos and Tat visiting the church a couple of days before the wedding, encircled by happy and proud families. What a contrast to the skeletal Mary Donaldson in gray taffeta with badly-sewn darts, being lead around by Daisy who still had the upper hand. And then came the strains of Zadok the Priest - still one of the biggest ever narcissistic faux pas by a nascent royal.

Tats had a night out with some friends and her stepfather. Someone, please, keep this page from Mary, or she will appear with a similar "river of gold" down her bosom. Though, perhaps even Mary might avoid that particular symbolism, given that there's a chill wind from Margarethe and Henrik at the mo'!

This is the article that got BB in trouble in the mainstream Danish press! Writing in advance of the wedding how it went, who came (they mistakenly tag Mette-Marit, Martha Louise and Ari Behn as attendees), how much fun they all had together. In other words, what we all have known for years now! Yawn. Old news, Berlingske! Shades of poor old Crawfie, Queen Elizabeth's old nanny, who made a cosy income writing puff pieces about the princesses until a similar debacle.

What a beautiful family! They've been spending lots of their time on their boat Afroessa, Anne-Marie's 60th birthday gift.

Younger Greek siblings Theodora and Philippos were able to attend a friend's child's baptism on Spetses a few days before the wedding, while Alexia and her brood enjoyed a carriage ride with her parents, king in the driver's seat! Judging by the warm greetings between families, Anne Marie clearly gets on with Tat's mother a lot better than Daisy does with The Dumpling!

Hm, ever since Fred's tonsils exam by Doctor Mary Boganson live on Danish television during Daisy's birthday party, the rest of the family has been called upon to fill in the hole that Mary will soon vacate. Is it any coincidence that Joachim will soon be travelling to Uganda? Benedikte has a sponsor child in Botswana, and has encouraged her three children to also have sponsored children through SOS Children's Villages. That group also works to earn more money via the Ecco Walkathons that Alexandra participates in every year. Still partnering with dear Alex! That wouldn't be without Daisy's approval! These little episodes are also contributing incrementally to the contrasted Mary, who perched a black child on her lap and allowed it to play with her designer scarf, and proceeded straight to one of Africa's luxe holiday playgrounds afterwards, to recover ... we think the reason Mary hasn't been back is that copying Diana's capri pants and casual gear and "explosion proof screen" from Diana's spectacularly successful anti-landmine phase was seen for what it was. Oh, and Mary has known since, not to wear ordinary clothes, because she can't be distinguished from the camera grip.

Also with Daisy's approval would Alex travel to Greenland. Since Fred doesn't actually seem to care enough - or remain sober enough - to help the place, Alex was pushed into service. No posing with street pups, or pretending to be surprised at how cold the snow is with a sticky-out bum bum and o-shaped lips.

Royal Mailbag asks why Queen Elizabeth never comes to Danish events. Hello! For one, she's met Mary. For another, Fred creepily mistakes her for his own mother, sits in her lap and calls her Bobo. Would you visit?
Another question asks if Joachim's beautiful boys can act as regent when they are older. Yes! But foreshadows Evil Auntie Mary's machinations by stating that the question becomes whether or not they'll be needed. "I think not," speculates the editor. Hmmm.

Xian: As big as Mor's tummy, thanks.
Martin: Party of two!
Ensign: Sea-sickness!
Daisy: Just press "offering" so we can go home.

Adorable and serious Ingrid Alexandra started school for the first time last week. What a charming girl and attentive student! That little boy's parents have been telling him to behave and not pull those cute little braids, you can bet thatty! I doubt we'll see such photos of Xian Amin Mugabe Ceausescu Beelzebub next year looking quite as serious and forthright as his Norwegian cousin. Oh, that's right, Mary's "holding him back" for "a better head start". Nah. Mary knows that the bigger the kid in class, the more he'll bully, show those other punk peasant kids just who's boss. Mary knows deep down that without an intellect, Xian will definitely need to learn how to fight!

Looks like the little Bottega Veneta clutch is all the rage right now. Mary and Marie have them, Rigmor Zobel (nice, BB!) has one, as do all sorts of other Danish ladies. Rigmor can stash some stash in hers, Mary can stash some stash in hers, and Marie can keep a dainty lace hankie and some scent ...

Marie looks very relaxed at the Odense Flower Festival. What a rapport with the flower girl! Mary's poor victims can almost never make eye contact and here, this cutie and Marie are so on the same wavelength!

Finally, a cute and very pregnant Frex Ex Maria Montell and her family at the premiere of Toy Story 3. Now that is a great bump! Pregnancy is good to her. Poor Mary: why do Fred's exes always show her up? If it isn't in the natural beauty stakes, it's in the manners stakes, the motherhood stakes ...

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