Monday, August 23, 2010

Billed Bladet #33, 2010

"Ran off to Australia: Mary to a crazy party, Frederik takes care of the children" , says the cover, with an evil, conspiratorially laughing Rigmor Zobel head hovering over Mary's image as if in a skanky society ladies' duel. Rigmor's nostrils may be as red as Mary's ruby, but she's been integrated into Danish society a lot longer than Madam. Careful, Mares!

Mary arriving in Hobart to meet up with the ugly sisters and hit Amber's 40th birthday party. As quoted in The Mercury, '"I'm going to dance, act like a lunatic and press on the gas all night long. Then Sunday morning I'm going to wake up with a screaming hangover," promises the politically incorrect Petty.' Spill some secrets in the process, and we are ON BOARD, Petty! Alas, this copy went to press before BB got its paws on some real party pix - allover fake-tanned Amber Petty in a whore-red Samba Queen Outfit that consisted of little more than a pushup bra and some beads.

Week in Fashion. Mary gets this week's laurels for a 2005 never-before-worn Prada dress that she's embellished with the broken up remains of the Danish Crown Jewels - the bits she managed to prise out with a hoof-pick before Security got wind and confiscated them. More "take that, Daisy"! But, oops, what is this? BB gets the last word as they contrast the princess's svelte, 4 month long pregnancy with a woman 20 weeks along - also with twins - who is showing a proper bump! What a diff! EAT SOMETHING, MARY. Interesting homage to Mary's bridesmaids' cow patties/hair bagels on the second page!

Fred's drinking tea and looking longingly off into the distance, or annoyingly at his eldest offspring who looks into the wrong end of the binoculars. Mary's feeling so high from the twin embryos taking root in her womb, that she's mounting the alpha position with a temporarily defeated Daisy. 'What have I gotten myself into!', Fred seems to be thinking. Not to worry, Freddo! Katja's love and warm, womanly embrace is not too far around the corner! First order of business: get Mary moved out. Second order of business: a head scan for that Xian.

Gala for the Danish Navy's 500th anniversary. Mary's relatives used to sink invading Viking, then English ships off the coast of Scotland - the irony. Funny the only photo BB could find of Fred looking lovingly at his wife is where he is actually looking off to Mary's far right. Was Katja in the stands? Or was he daydreaming about the real ole Viking days when he would have had a bikie type moustache and called the shots?

Mary and what BB calls her 'mini-tummy' showed up at Copenhagen Fashion Week. There's a scan of the royal bubs. Poor dears. Daddy's paunch and Mor's empty head space already!

Mary cranked up the foundation of her stumpy body with bikie f*ck-me heels to elongate her legs. Then ran into - uncomfortably by the looks of it - the singer who serenaded her with "Proud Mary" at the pre-wedding concert. Then ran into a friend of both Schackenborg wives. Fred's gonna get it when she gets home - clearly he set her up to be this uncomfortable! Mary knows full well, that when the photographers catch her communing with tattoo'ed bikie chick types, they are indistinguishable from Mary Boganson of Taroona!

Marie demurely posing for the insistant photographer before returning to the enjoyable tasks of greeting children (who clearly adore her) and discussing the work of a children's poverty centre with one of the executives there. What an asset to the Danish monarchy! She states that becoming a mother has made her more sensitive to children's issues. Quel contrast to her sister-in-law!!

Lille prins Henrik and maman Marie will stay at home while Daddy Joachim goes solo to Ghana. This is certainly not his first time to the continent, as he is patron of CARE. That means Joachim actually does meaningful work in Africa and doesn't just arrive to mimic the British royals during the colonial period, then scoot out of town once the limbless ones appear looking for hand-outs. Poverty, Madam has discovered, is not good for one's skin.

Meanwhile, Joachim took his older boys along with him when he visited an open air museum. What a fun outing with Far before school starts!

Heartmade designer Julie Fagerholt received an award but notes that Mary wasn't there to see it, adding a photo of Julie and the Crown Princess from last year to emphasise the snub. Alex and Martin were present at Fashion Week and Alex says that the twins are delightful news, adding "I'd like to wish the Crown Prince and the Crown Princess congratties," with a graciousness that is lost on Madam!

Sly BB! They add a question about Fred's wedding rings. Wha hae! They confirm the crown prince lost the ring "deep C diving" off of Key West in January 2008 and that it was a ring made from the first gold to have ever come from a mine in Greenland. Way to go, Fred. The story of the missing ring had been confirmed before the jeweler could finish a replacement ring, but the court chooses to play coy: "We consider this a private matter." Mary's visit to Oz was deemed "private", but that didn't stop you from announcing it! OK, we know, Mary put you up to it.
In another letter, they let down the side admitting that Freddo's wedding speech to Mary was not actually from the heart, but lifted straight from a Lars H.U.G. song. "Come let us go, come let us see..."

Katja took in a summer ballet production looking fresh and chic. What a culture! Mary would never take in a performance of any kind with her free time, except that of her own air guitaring and Beyoncé karaoke singing (put another ring on it, Derf)!

Fred has a bubble with ex Maria Montell: "Next time we're going to see 'In the Sign of the Gemini'". Daisy notes that she'll soon need a bigger balcony. Mary spots two storks in the binoculars. Henrik corrects a young Faroese boy by reminding him it is his daughter-in-law who is pregnant with twins, not he. Christian proclaims that he's still the chief.

Mary's earrings are Marianne Dulong from the Kharisma Collection. FAIL. She's still as boring as dirt.

Look who's back, baby! Rigmor Zobel! She may be down, but don't count her out. Angry, rich women with an entitlement privilege are HELL! Watch out, Mary! That banana peel you planted in front of her may have broken her ankle, but not her spirit. Look at the job she's doing on Martin!

Benedikte is sure that Nikolaos's wedding will be lovely as it takes place in a sweet little church. Benedikte said she visited Anne-Marie in Greece in late June and they stopped by the church a couple of times and took plenty of photos. Also on this page, a photo of Anja with her mini-me daughter, 11 year old Carla. Søren and his partner Preben are in the bottom photo taken during Fashion Week.

Camilla and Josephine Rosenborg, Fred's cousins who were invited to Mary's wedding but not reception, are 37 year old identical twins. They say that extra attention was given them by the press. They say that if Fred and Mary don't get identical twins, that will be easier since looking differently won't steal the spotlight from Xian and Izzy. Interesting logic, but maybe they're alluding to their new mother Katja being the one who will steal the show!

Other royal twins in Europe include the sons of Prince Laurent of Belgium and a son and daughter of Prince Guillaume of Luxembourg, and two of the children of Princess Irene of the Netherlands and her ex-husband the late Duke of Parma. But their mothers didn't need IVF.

Royal Roundup. Leonor and Sofia of Spain with their mother and Queen Sofia. Princess Eugenie's bartender boyfriend. Princess Caroline with her dogs. Prince William with cousin Zara.

A preview supplement on the Greek wedding!

BB sometimes suffers from small country syndrome and just has to tell you that Nikolaos spent his childhood in Denmark with Mormor Ingrid and all the cousins - all but one who attended Nik's wedding. Well, ok, Nathalie didn't make it, either, but she just had a baby! We're looking at YOU, Fred.

Photo of Nikolaos and Frederik at the Sydney Olympics in 2000. The day their lives changed for the worst. Now I see why Fred didn't attend the wedding. It's too painful. And we don't mean, being reminded of the fact that the groom was chest-rubbed by the now Crown Princess of Denmark at the Slip Inn. We mean, the contrast between Frederik's life since, and those of his peer crown princes, is dire.

The pretty bride shares a common ancestor with Nikolaos: King Frederik V. Isn't Mary descended from King Gorm the Old's fishmonger? And some BoBo genes - the ones that seduced poor Frederik in his darkest hour. Well, it would have been his darkest hour. Except, the darkest hour has now lasted ten years!

Other family weddings. Brother Pavlos with Marie Chantal Miller in 1995. The unfortunate Mary Donaldson and Fred in 2004. Victoria and Daniel back in June.

Joachim and Marie in 2008. Sister Alexia and Carlos in 1999. Haakon and Mette-Marit in 2001. Martha Louise and Ari in 2002.

Photos of the couple at various royal events. A much more dazzling royal entrée than the gauche Mary Donaldson, hidden by the court out of embarrassment.

The church on Spetses where the wedding will take place, Ayios Nikolaos.

The hotel on Spetses where the royal wedding guests will stay and where the wedding eve party will be, and where Daisy's family meeting will be held, the Poseidon Grace.

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