Billed Bladet #31, 2010

Fred is too depressed to shave. Unlike William recently, sporting a soigné bit of post-adolescent fluff, Fred's mangy chin is telling the world that, if he had his way, he would be sporting this beard on a desert island. Rather a marooned marine than mary-marked! "Ready for the new baby", says the headline. "Needed my head read" would be the thought bubble. Fred is mimicking Keanu Reaves on his park bench in the Village ... unkempt, feeling on the outer and, with a mere facial expression simply not registering with the press, resorting to facial hair by way of signalling a profound dysjunct with the wife.

"The longer I hide my tummy, the more impact I can make and wreck Dead Countess Ruth's funeral on the day!" Here, Mary is playing 'hide the tummy' games with the press. This is some weeks after playing 'hide the turkey baster' games with topflight geneticist to the royals, Dr. Yehudi Geldstein in New York - since Fred didn't want to play 'hide the salami' back at Kancellihuset.






Young Count Richard and Countess Ingrid von Pfeil und Klein-Ellguth have benefited from their aristocratic parentage by knowing how not to engage in low-brow, silly and culturally insensitive behaviour. Mary's little bogans look like the type who will as teenagers air guitar to AC/DC at New Year's Kurs and attend stadium rock concerts holding up lighters and crowd surfing from their front row seats in acid wash jeans! Someone should tell Mary that she should be passing some of those ADHD speed meds she's scoffing herself on to her firstborn. Oh, and pass some on to Fred. He sure needs a lift.






Oops - "I'm called Little Buttercup" - Mary's usually outfitted to the nines with shawls, scarves, cardigans and trench coats galore. The minders will get curry when she gets home, for handing her a plastic mac that was tucked behind the front passenger seat! Yellow reflections under a grey sky sure "Pattyise" the complexion. No future for Mary in Style Finder with thatty! Carina, serenely au fait with the grey, is doing a lot to earn her way into a future godmother position for one of the new bogan babies!


So little Isabella gets the nod as Royal Outfit of the Week for her little gypsy girl number. That's a cute thought. Don't we all have memories of hitching up skirts with stretched elastic, hand-me-downs from Big Sis. Hang on - Izzy doesn't have a Big Sis! Someone casually picked up a size 10 for Izzy from a bargain bin, on orders from Mary, who needs the $$$ for her Louboutins. Fortunately, Our Captivating Izzy (genetic IVF love child of Crown Princess Victoria and Frederik, genetically rigged up by the aforementioned Yehudi) manages to pull off the look thanks to her personality. She's one amazing gal! No labels needed for Izzy (how very like the radiant Auntie Marie). Mary's stringy haired gray top gets a little mention. I guess to make up for the fact that her 3 year old is more stylish than her mor. Or because, any opportunity to mention GREY has the editors chuckling ...




Cute photos out of the first day of family photo shoots at Graasten. They mostly tell the story of how engaged Henrik is with his younger son and his French wife and their adorable baby. Graaston ... European culture ... cultured conversation ... the delights of foie gras and good wine ... French politics ... bit of a chat about ancestry, and how is cousin Victoria going on her honeymoon ... "oh, there's Mary off by herself in a corner talking to Amber Petty on her mobile". Oh well. Mary who?





Speaking of which, Victoria and Daniel arrived home in Sweden after their honeymoon in French Polynesia and the US. They spent time initially in Tahiti and Bora Bora, then moved onto Beaver Creek, Colorado in the Rocky Mountains before heading out to NYC for a Lady Gaga concert and then Boston to catch Swedish singer Robyn. Their new home Haga Slot awaits them. And no doubt their hearth will be graced by a happier Frederik and a radiant Crown Princess Katja with her four step-children, all in good time ....




Here's Henrik practising with his bow and arrow for Mary's arrival at Graasten this year.



Joachim and Marie are set to go to Brazil on an official visit 11-18 September. See? They are trusted with the big gigs. Mary has to make do with a bedraggled appearance at a birthing conference in Washington, and getting her heel stuck in a grate, embarrassing her husband. Marie and Should-Be-King-Jokke will be visiting Rio and Sao Paulo for Danish businesses. Brazil is bigger than Russia, in terms of an important trade partner with Denmark. Mary would be simply too much of a risk, attempting to promote Huggies, or her father's commercial energy interests as she tried in Colorado. They had such success in Mexico, they'll be fine repeating a turn in Latin America. Little Henrik will reasonably be left at home. His French grandparents will be dying to babysit!


Just FYI, Mares. This is an attractive, thin Danish actress who is also expecting twins. This woman is 20 weeks along, just a few weeks more than you and looks so much more healthy, yet not fat pig-like. EAT SOMETHING.


Royal Roundup. Princess Theodora in Los Angeles; Camilla with a litter picker-upper; Princess Claire clowning around; and Princess Eugenie showing us how she and her mother are alike.




Royal Mailbag. 'Very active for Denmark' is the title on Prince Henrik's photo! It used to be a national sport to make fun of the former Henri de Monpezat, but since his Aussie daughter-in-law is on the scene, we think BB is finally understanding just who is the one to make fun of here!


Bubbles! Fred's says 'Whisky? Jeez, I'm not Johnny Walker!' (SURE)


Style Finder. The stylish Schackenborg family is cited for their timeless adherence to the very tropical and dapper Panama hat. When Fred and Mary tried the same trick in the South of France a couple of years back, catching a train, they looked like reffos. They haven't repeated the experience - burnt by being exposed to the world as the most ornery couple, indistinguishable from the riff-raff. Without props such as a yacht or a chalet, Mary looks like the maid.


34 year old Baroness Caroline Fleming and her 22 year old baby daddy Nicklas Bendtner are seen strolling through London. Caro is expecting her third baby in December. She's got a good bump for a naturally thin woman. Mary thinks of herself as a naturally thin woman!

Peter Herring is now off to Afghanistan. No doubt the husband to the Crown Princess's Lady in Waiting and son of Daisy's BFF has been pulled into action to smooth the feather of the troops embedded in that awful war after a traumatic vanity visit by the former Mary Donaldson!

Princess Nathalie and her husband Alexander have brought home little Konstantin Richard Heinrich Gustav zu Sayn-Wittgenstein-Berleburg-Johannsmann. Phew. Isn't it refreshing to see a new mother look so happy and comfortable with her body only 2 weeks after giving birth!?