Tuesday, July 26, 2011

Billed Bladet #28: Kate Takes the Cake!

It is Billed Bladet's dual mission these days to 1) bring you the truth about the Danish royals subversively and to 2) pretend to still believe that Taswegian bogan Mary Donaldson is the greatest thing to have ever happened to this nation of 5 million. The results are hilariously funny, if you understand this premise. It's gotten a lot more humourous with the arrival of The Duchess of Cambridge onto the royal scene. This is one stunning brunette who can sell magazines! Don't you know it just partly kills a Viking soul to give it up for the Angle-Saxons on this one, but that Pictish bitch with a Danish passport in German fashion just cannot deliver the revenue. Another business fail for Crown Princess Mary of Denmark!

But before La Belle Kate, the feature article is on Mary's trip to the circus with her two oldest kids. Mary is joined by Julie Mølsgaard, one of Fred's friends from way back, and Chris Doky, the jazz musician and husband to Mary's servant Tanja. Why this woman cannot go anywhere alone with her children is baffling. For someone who doesn't enjoy interpersonal relationships, it's pretty telling that she can't be alone with her kids! Izzy might be having fun (when she's out of the grasp of her mother's iron hand) but that flat-headed Christian is just weird.

Week's fashion. The prime laureat is of course, the Duchess of Cambridge in a Danish dress (Malene Birger). Maybe this British princess can put an effective spotlight on Danish fashions. Mary as Patron of Danish Fashion? FAIL. Not surprisingly, no Mary at all in this week's fashion pages. Just a lot of stunning blondes, Freddie's favourite!

BB realises that where Mary is Scary, Kate is Great! Though it seems counterintuitive, BB prints 10 glossy pages of a British princess's visit to North America, and this Danish magazine remains breathless. Even the editor gets in on the act by writing up a piece about this "new royal star" being born. There is no benefit to Denmark here at all - aside from Danish designer Malene Birger finally getting some international attention - so BB's decision to dedicate such large coverage to Catherine and William is very telling. The money's on the Brits, not the home team!

Daisy visits the scouts.

Daisy arrived at Quaanaaq in northern Greenland in dramatic fashion. The Dannebrog can't travel this far north, so she transferred to an ice breaker, then that ship sailed up to the waters outside of Quaanaaq, where a dinghy picked up Her Majesty and brought her closer to shore. Then, Daisy walked assisted to the beach where she was met by local dignitaries. During her visit, she was given several gifts, among them, a sealskin pencil case for Prince Christian.

A note that Derf and MoreMore will be setting sail on the Dannebrog in August for a summer tour of a few towns out in the western part of the country. They will have the turkey baster twins with them, but Xian and Izzy will be studying. Now you can see why Mary incubated two more meal tickets, the first pair of props is legally required to be in school. Understudies, take your place on the boat!

Royal Mailbag. I like the inclusion of a letter regarding the Blue Party, which is not directly related to the royals, but gives BB the opportunity to publish a photo that is coincidentally very similar to that of Crown Prince Frederik wearing a necklace of Drunk, Buxom Blonde.

Mary's hat? That's all BB can come up with this week? Fine. It's made by Susanne Juul and costs somewhere between 675 and 825 kroner.

Royal Roundup with Harry and new girlfriend Florence; Pippa Middleton and Alex Loudon; and Princess Madeleine's darker hair colour.

Since Mary and Fred can't be bothered to bring the press any closer than a telephoto lens would make blurry, the delightful Dutch royal family must provide us with some lovely shots of their children in cute summer clothes and locations. Aren't those girls, cute? Each with her own distinct personality intact, but also with a lively sense of humour and delightful character.

Queen Ingrid's three daughters came together again recently to give out awards to young artists under the guise of the Queen Ingrid Honour Scholarship. It's handed out at the Tivoli Concert Hall.

Baroness Caroline Fleming shows off her baby with Danish football star Nikolas Bendtner. His name is Nicholas Christian Iuel Bendtner and he's 7 months old and he's spending his first summer at mummy's castle in southern Denmark. The couple is no longer together, but both live in London, and both will be involved in their young son's life.

1 comment:

  1. That little outing to the circus was odd. Why would you dress a little girl in a dress when she's going to be bouncing and playing? Mary's silk Boss dress was also inappropriate for this event. That pic of them running away is very strange.