Tuesday, July 5, 2011

Billed Bladet #25: Princess Nathalie's Wedding

A lovely issue devoted to all things bridal in Berleburg! BB does their usual "the most beautiful and appreciated guest at the wedding was OF COURSE Crown Princess Mary" routine, but it's pretty half-assed. The BB editorial staff must be numb and in shock from all the insulin. They can barely make a case for the Crown Princely Couple on their return to the dock from an outing to the anchored Dannebrog with their two oldest sprogs that was painful in its spotlighting of Mary's less than secret hatred of her children. At least we have a loving couple in Nathalie and Alexander to get us through the week!

Mary could not have arranged this photo series as a pre-planned shoot. Could she and Fred be any more fed up with their kids? Christian and Izzy didn't even have life jackets on for the boat ride from Farmor Daisy's yacht to the shore - they were only wearing some for the little hop back on land. Mary isn't even looking at darling Izzy as she yanks her preserver off, tangling her hair. Why can't Mary put her daughter's hair in a simple barrette? That would go a long way towards safety, too, so the poor thing could see where she's going! You can't sail with loose hair! Crown Princess Mary of Denmark is such a bad mother!

Funny how BB covered up Mary's death grip on Izzy's wrist with photies of Fred's tattoo (matching Izzy's temporary one). But the photo of Mary forcing Izzy to turn and get off the boat is pretty telling. Crown Princess Mary of Denmark is always two steps away from the Hobart Mall where bogans scream at their kids and drag them between stores.

Nathalie's wedding brought out the best in many of the ladies, including Countess Mette Ahlefeldt-Laurvig in a lovely flower print (very Daisy!), Caroline Fleming's stepmother in pink trousers for the Friday night party, and Daisy in gorgeous sapphires!

Oh, and Mary and Carina were there in awful dresses. Carina continues her German matron look as Mary remains faithful to arsehole-coloured dresses. Neither favours proper foundation garments. Benedikte shows them all who is boss by wearing her tiara as a necklace. Very nicely played!

Congratulations to Alexander and Nathalie. Love how little Konstantin is part of the family photo. It says, "yep, we have a baby. Baby came first, but the love and intent to marry was always there. And?"

Beautiful black and white photos of the bride and groom and a photo from Benedikte and Richard's wedding in the upper lefthand corner.

The day after the wedding, Alexander was seen in town picking up some pizzas! What nice, low-key people. Can you imagine at the same time Crown Princess Mary of Denmark demanding one of the Berleburg household staff - in English, of course - to bring a thimble of organic wheatgrass juice and a hard boiled ("Mary style") quail's egg to her for breakfast in bed?

Danish designer Henrik Hviid made Nathalie's dress. He's made many dresses for the royal ladies and so was a trusted source. Again, BB tries to remind you - IN CASE YOU HAVE FORGOTTEN - that Nathalie wore the same veil that Mary wore. Never mind that it was Ingrid's veil and all the granddaughters wear it. No, it's better you associate beautiful, royal things with Mary. Otherwise, BB will not be fulfilling its contract as written by PR guru Lene Balleby and pre-nup attorney Henrik Wedell-Wedellsborg.

Photos of some of the Danish guests at the Friday night reception with Cuban music and fancy barbecue.

Here are photos of the arrival of some of Nathalie's family, and a cute photo of Konstantin and his 84 year old great-grandmother, Alexander's granny.

Of course, Mary's looking around for the valet to take her things. All the male cousins got lunch together at the castle cafe while the girls got ready for the wedding.

A few more details about the wedding. The rolls was lent by a local collector and it rained pretty heavily at times, catching Countess Brita Ahlefeldt-Laurvig as she was walking between the church and the castle. Can't imagine the Countess of Monpezat doing that - she'd push the bride and groom over when she saw the Rolls-Royce!

In this week's Royal Mailbag, it says that all royal church confirmations are held with the child alone, not with a confirmation class. Plus, there's an old photo of Fred from when he was interviewed (pre-Mary) about his musical tastes (rock) on a Copenhagen radio show.

So, little Freddles is being asked to step up and do good works in exchange for time away from his MoreMore, Crown Princess Mary. That's a deal he can handle! He's good with kids (being one helps) and has the manners to look people in the eye and express pseudo-sympathy ("I never want to forget this"). He doesn't flip his hair or get into too much of his wife's Tourette's movements that she falls back on when she's feeling awkward.

Here, Fred plays with the kids and demonstrates the hand gesture Mary uses on him when she wants something expensive, and in the photo below that, the gesture he does after he says to check with the accountant and she kicks him in the nuts.

Funny how no matter where he goes in the world, Fred always manages to run into an old girlfriend! Maybe it's better that Her Royal Highness Crown Princess Mary didn't come along.

Speaking of Japan, the queen has asked her regal second son and his charming wife to represent her in that country. Perhaps Fred's visit wasn't that successful? Schackenborg Diplomatic Cleaning Crew is what Joachim and Marie should be called. Mary is a snob and would enjoy comparing Marie to a cleaning lady; at family gatherings, Mary would be the kind of person who would see a child spill a drink, then say to everyone, laughing, "that's ok, Marie will clean it up", then chastise her for not being able to take a joke. Mary is just cruel like that.

As part of Operation: Joachim, Regular Guy, Prelude to a Schackenborg Charm Revolution, the prince was interviewed on the radio about Danish castles and estates. Good association setup for the future throne takeover: Fred = booze & boobs; Joachim = aristocratic life & comportment. It will be broadcast August 7 on Radio P4.

Following Daisy on her visit to the USA was the JJ Film crew, the father and brother of Countess Alexandra's husband Martin Jørgensen. Nice family ties! This is the team responsible for the cringe-worthy "Marymentary" and the much better Marie-mentary, proving that even a talented director is only as good as his material!

Speaking of Alex, here she is getting pointers on her golf game in anticipation of a charity tournament for breast cancer awareness. Well done, countess!

In the Royal Roundup are Zara Phillips and her fiancé Mike Tindall; Prince Philip being treated to dinner by nearly all his grandchildren; Mette-Marit standing against AIDS & HIV; and the Monacos with swimming pools.

The supplement to this issue, all on Nathalie's wedding.

To Freddums' left is Prince Philip of Hesse, Amber Petty's post-2004 wedding Thailand fling.


  1. Thanks for this post! Nathalie looked beautiful. It may have been "Mary's veil" but of all the women who've worn that veil, it looked the worst on Mary. Nathalie looked beautiful in the veil and in that amazing tiara. IMO, Marie-Chantal was the best dressed guest. Mary, Tatiana and Carina looked awful. Mary's dress was very unflattering and the color is horrible on her skin tone (and what is up with her weird sideburns? she should not wear her hair so tightly pulled back), Tatiana looked like she was going to Las Vegas, and Carina needs a girdle or two. The color of Carina's dress was pretty, but she needs to seriously consider wearing a very strong girdle.

  2. funny how Catherine of cambridge wears as you call it "arsehole" colored dresses.

    perhaps you need to stop targeting one person for something as silly as this. The fashion trends are very much about the "nude" colors.

    perhaps if the tables were turned would you like someone criticizing your parenting style (do you even have children to judge) better yet...are you even married? How can you judge others?

  3. Me thinks "Anonymous" is a Taswegian who knows Mary. In true bogan style, you think its ok to swipe at another woman by equating no kids or husband with being a loser. Sorry a loser is someone who posts anonymously about people who you don't agree with. I love this blog! more please@!

  4. sorry, not from Tas...from Canada :)

  5. Hello Jane (Anonymous) or is it Patty, nice of you to drop in...

  6. ' Anonymous Canada - I wouldnt think any man whould be interested in either of these 2 poisonous bitches who are neither satirical or funny.

  7. "Poisonous bitches"? There are only two that I can see here, and that would be you (Anonymous) and your sister the Clown Prncess of Denmark. Mary is neither female, wife, nor mother - she is nothing but a narcicisstic pathetic nothing, really.