Billed Bladet #28: Kate Takes the Cake!

It is Billed Bladet's dual mission these days to 1) bring you the truth about the Danish royals subversively and to 2) pretend to still believe that Taswegian bogan Mary Donaldson is the greatest thing to have ever happened to this nation of 5 million. The results are hilariously funny, if you understand this premise. It's gotten a lot more humourous with the arrival of The Duchess of Cambridge onto the royal scene. This is one stunning brunette who can sell magazines! Don't you know it just partly kills a Viking soul to give it up for the Angle-Saxons on this one, but that Pictish bitch with a Danish passport in German fashion just cannot deliver the revenue. Another business fail for Crown Princess Mary of Denmark!



But before La Belle Kate, the feature article is on Mary's trip to the circus with her two oldest kids. Mary is joined by Julie Mølsgaard, one of Fred's friends from way back, and Chris Doky, the jazz musician and husband to Mary's servant Tanja. Why this woman cannot go anywhere alone with her children is baffling. For someone who doesn't enjoy interpersonal relationships, it's pretty telling that she can't be alone with her kids! Izzy might be having fun (when she's out of the grasp of her mother's iron hand) but that flat-headed Christian is just weird.









Week's fashion. The prime laureat is of course, the Duchess of Cambridge in a Danish dress (Malene Birger). Maybe this British princess can put an effective spotlight on Danish fashions. Mary as Patron of Danish Fashion? FAIL. Not surprisingly, no Mary at all in this week's fashion pages. Just a lot of stunning blondes, Freddie's favourite!





BB realises that where Mary is Scary, Kate is Great! Though it seems counterintuitive, BB prints 10 glossy pages of a British princess's visit to North America, and this Danish magazine remains breathless. Even the editor gets in on the act by writing up a piece about this "new royal star" being born. There is no benefit to Denmark here at all - aside from Danish designer Malene Birger finally getting some international attention - so BB's decision to dedicate such large coverage to Catherine and William is very telling. The money's on the Brits, not the home team!























Daisy visits the scouts.



Daisy arrived at Quaanaaq in northern Greenland in dramatic fashion. The Dannebrog can't travel this far north, so she transferred to an ice breaker, then that ship sailed up to the waters outside of Quaanaaq, where a dinghy picked up Her Majesty and brought her closer to shore. Then, Daisy walked assisted to the beach where she was met by local dignitaries. During her visit, she was given several gifts, among them, a sealskin pencil case for Prince Christian.





A note that Derf and MoreMore will be setting sail on the Dannebrog in August for a summer tour of a few towns out in the western part of the country. They will have the turkey baster twins with them, but Xian and Izzy will be studying. Now you can see why Mary incubated two more meal tickets, the first pair of props is legally required to be in school. Understudies, take your place on the boat!



Royal Mailbag. I like the inclusion of a letter regarding the Blue Party, which is not directly related to the royals, but gives BB the opportunity to publish a photo that is coincidentally very similar to that of Crown Prince Frederik wearing a necklace of Drunk, Buxom Blonde.



Mary's hat? That's all BB can come up with this week? Fine. It's made by Susanne Juul and costs somewhere between 675 and 825 kroner.



Royal Roundup with Harry and new girlfriend Florence; Pippa Middleton and Alex Loudon; and Princess Madeleine's darker hair colour.






Since Mary and Fred can't be bothered to bring the press any closer than a telephoto lens would make blurry, the delightful Dutch royal family must provide us with some lovely shots of their children in cute summer clothes and locations. Aren't those girls, cute? Each with her own distinct personality intact, but also with a lively sense of humour and delightful character.








Queen Ingrid's three daughters came together again recently to give out awards to young artists under the guise of the Queen Ingrid Honour Scholarship. It's handed out at the Tivoli Concert Hall.





Baroness Caroline Fleming shows off her baby with Danish football star Nikolas Bendtner. His name is Nicholas Christian Iuel Bendtner and he's 7 months old and he's spending his first summer at mummy's castle in southern Denmark. The couple is no longer together, but both live in London, and both will be involved in their young son's life.

Tragedy in Norway: This is a Real Crown Prince

Following the Oslo government buildings bombing and the shootings at Utøya on Friday, Norway and Scandinavia, as with the rest of the world, was plunged into a nightmare scenario of mass killings and domestic terrorism nearly on the same scale as the Oklahoma City bombings. In Scandinavia, the killer's right-wing, anti-Islam, anti-immigrant manifesto is a chilling reminder of the growing native restlessness with non-European immigration to the region, in particular by Muslims.

Norway's royal family hasn't skipped a beat. They have responded to the sadness and the face of death and destruction with compassion and a call for unity and solidarity with the western ideals of democracy and freedom, all under the umbrella of vibrant multiculturalism. In particular, Crown Prince Haakon and his wife Mette-Marit have been at the forefront of the official response. This is a royal family to be proud of. Norway's royals have responded to the task of providing an image of stability and compassion to the rest of the country.

Saturday, 23 July, the royals and prime minister were allowed to visit some of the survivors of Utøya and Oslo and their families.





Later on Saturday, there was a service at Oslo Cathedral attended by the royal children, Princess Ingrid Alexandra (age 7), Prince Sverre Magnus (age 5) and Marius Borg Høiby (age 14).



















On Saturday, there was a moment of silence throughout the country. The King, The Queen, and Crown Prince Haakon attended this event in Oslo, while Crown Princess Mette-Marit attended a service near Utøya, where her step-brother was one of the first ones reported killed. Her mother, Mette Tjessem, also attended.







On Sunday, the royal family split duties again with The King, The Queen, Princess Märtha Louise attending church in Oslo at the Cathedral and Haakon and Mette-Marit attending Norderhov church in Ringerrike.















Neighbouring country Sweden got involved and Crown Princess Victoria and Prince Daniel were the royal delegation to Sweden's official mourning service at the Norwegian Seaman's Church in Stockholm. Denmark's queen issued a statement of support and mourning from her official visit to northern Greenland. Denmark's Crown Princely Couple is still on holiday in the south of France.







Monday, 25 July, a Rose Parade was launched in City Hall Plaza in Oslo. First up among speakers was Crown Prince Haakon in this video. What a poised yet forceful speaker. The text of his speech is below. On Tuesday, the Crown Prince visited an Oslo mosque.





Tonight the streets are filled with love.

We have chosen to respond to cruelty with proxies.

We have chosen to meet hatred with cohesion.

We have chosen to show what we stand for.

Norway is a country in mourning. We think of all those who have suffered losses. Those who are missing.

To all who made a heroic effort to save lives and restore peace of mind. And leaders who have been put to tough tests in recent days.

Those who stayed on the island and in the Government quarters were the targets of terror, but it affects us all.

Clearly and terribly, we have seen how much impact individual people's actions can have.

It shows that it means something which positions each of us has, what we choose to build our lives on. And how we choose to use it for the benefit of each other and the community we live in.

After 22 July we can never again allow ourselves to think that our opinions and beliefs are irrelevant. We must confront every day, equipped to fight for the free and open society, those values we are so fond of.

Dear young people: you all are our corrective, our courage and our hope. It is you who will shape and determine which Norway we should have in the years to come. Each and every one of you is inalienable. But we have lost a lot.

The Norway we want no one can take from us.

Tonight's streets is filled with love.

We face a choice. We can't undo that as it was done.

But we can choose what to do with us as a society and as individuals.

We can choose that no one should have to stand alone.

We can choose to stand together.

It is up to each one of us now. It is up to you and it's up to me.

Together, we have a job to do. It's a job that needs to be done around the dinner table, in the cafeteria, in organizational life, in non-governmental life, by men and of women in rural areas and in the city.

We will have a Norway where we live together in fellowship with the freedom to believe and outside us, how we see the differences as opportunities, where freedom is stronger than fear.

Tonight's streets are filled with love.