A Tale of Two Brothers: Regal, Eloquent, Elegant Schackenborg Vs. Browbeaten, Mumbling, 'Regular Bloke' Derfie

 

 

 

 

 

 

On the one hand, there is the serenely elegant Prince Joachim, dedicated almost to a fault to royal duty and public representation, appropriately dressed in finely detailed but non-trendy suits, beautifully multilingual, and dedicated to finding a balance between royal duties, his dispersed but close family, and his agricultural obligations in the charming but far-flung provinces of southern Denmark. He's got his faults, but overall a solid man.

 

On the other hand, there is the down to earth smarm of Crown Prince Frederik, unlucky as it seems to have been born first, and as the more sensitive and emotional of the brothers. He is not well-spoken, still rather unwilling to address his future kingship, as demonstrated in his immature need to party regularly with the boys, attend Playboy events, flirt with busty blondes, prove 'I big boy!' with triathlons and biking challenges, and be browbeaten by his self-centred mother into marrying another self-centred browbeater. He's got his good points, but overall a poor future monarch.
 

 

Your choice, Denmark!
 

 

 

Inspiration revealed: they sent a blonde down the track to motivate Freddles to keep going!

 

 

MeMeMeMeMe!: Ordinary Mary Wears Dirty Clothes To Be Centre of Attention at Bullying Relay

Ordinary.

It's like the bogan equivalent of the Walk of Shame, when you have to walk home in the morning in your party clothes from the night before. One day after Yrma La Boganista pedaled home in front of the paps in the wee morning hours after having dinner with Caroline Fleming, the woman shows up in the exact same outfit that she wore out with Caro (and the same top she wore to watch kids wrap a pressie for her). Ew. Typical bogan grooming habits!

And my! Isn't our boganne stumpy! Look at the photie of her walking in heels next to a gorgeous blonde thoroughbred in flats whose legs are longer. Makes Mares look like a scabie mule on a working ranch! And the Nana Mouskouri nose is back! What a hybrid.

The event was a "Free From Bullying" rally, now an annual event in which every participant gets bullied by the Looker Me! appearance of the most narcissistic woman in the realm. 'Yay, everyone gets a trophy' events are as satisfying as Chinese food: you quickly realise that with everyone getting their little medal, they no longer are significant and therefore you really don't stand out as special. It's all smoke and mirrors with Mary Donaldson! She's the only one this event is designed to promote!

That's evidently why Xian and Izzy are excluded from this event despite being the right age to play - what young mother doesn't want to tire her kids out? - and needing interaction with normal, regular kids. Mary must shine, not her kiddos. Hopefully, they were with Fred and the Miracle Twins on a wonderful outdoors adventure for good bonding time with their one attentive parent.

**Edit: Xian was there with some teammates. No other bogan gargoyles were present as far as we can tell, however. Xian is still the favourite!

Photos: Katrine Emilie Andersen

Some Animals Are More Equal Than Others: Yrma La Douche Lives Up To Her Name During Continuation of Her Mid-Life Crisis Slumming On the Town, Breaking the Law, And Gettin' Away With It!

"omg, Caroline, what, wait, my jacket, hihi, you're so funny, omg, look that guy's flirting with me!"

Traffic tickets are for Danish plebs!! Eff youse!

First things first: whenever you see photos from Denmark between May and August and it's dark outside - it is SERIOUSLY early in the morning. Sun sets at 11pm and sunrises at 4:30am, uh, yeah, you better believe Madam was partying LATE. Look at her - drunk off her arse! Again!

Continuing on the heels of her late night boozefests out on the town with Fred's friends' wives, Crown Princess Napoleon Fail, aka Mary Boganson, seems to be slumming it royal-style by easing back into her chubster, ocker goodtime-gal self from the backdocks of Tasmania, while trying to bolster post-divorce support from her "girlfriends" but blowing it majorly by not being able to hold her liquor. That's no way to take control of the Animal Farm, MoreMore! You can do better than that - you got Ceaucescu's Elephant Order, after all! Tap into that!

Mary must be at Amalienborg for now (is Derf at Kancellihuset with the kids?), because last night, Mary went out with a more elegantly dressed Caroline Fleming, picking her up at the Hotel d'Angleterre nearby and then the two of them going to the restaurant Geist followed by having Mary's bodyguard snap their photie together. Why would you ride a bike to pick up a friend who isn't on a bike? Mary is really stupid.

Let's also not forget that Caroline is the woman who introduced Marie Cavallier to Prince Joachim. Perhaps Mary's looking for her own next toy boy and needs the hyper rich and well-connected Caroline to help in this endeavor? Please note that Caroline's last baby daddy was a footie star - maybe Mary really is coming full circle back to her underage Ryan O'Keefe of the Sydney Swans days!?

So Mary feels the changing winds and knows that she's walking a tightrope staying in the royal family with a husband who clearly can't stand her, and yet Madam's sense of entitlement and privilege continues unabated. It's pretty dumb PR to have the paps take photos of you to prove you have friends in the wake of a glorious Swedish wedding in which it didn't seem you have friends. If Mary really wanted to seal her fate as a permanent member of the royal family, she'd stopped looking for help with Fred's friends, and start doing smart PR such as showing solidarity with the Danes and at least riding a f*cking bike that has working lights and even wearing a helmet although that isn't required in DK. Anything to remind the Danes that you understand that you must be the example and that you understand that there's this little Euro zone crisis and everyone's feeling the pinch. You know, anti-More-y Antoinette stuff. Something to think about, sweetcheeks.

Article: Ekstra Bladet

Late last night Crown Princess Mary snuck through Copenhagen by bike without either her front or rear lights on, and without being stopped and fined - and this despite the fact that the Crown Princess had her own police protection close behind her.

Fortunately for Mary, it was only her own PET agent who followed after her as she stomped off into the darkness. And then he went his own way, just as illegally as the Danish crown princess.

It was for a girly evening in the company of Caroline Fleming, for which Mary late Wednesday jumped on her white lady bike and cycled from Amalienborg Palace.

The two friends who had been pampered for a few hours at the restaurant Geist, where they went unnoticed and had deep conversations.

Caroline Fleming currently resides at the newly renovated Hotel D'Angleterre, and Mary followed her swirly friend home before she headed for the palace.

Mary did not pedal much before she discovered that the dynamo lamp did not work. She stopped and tried to fix it but had to quickly give up and rode home in the dark.

If Mary had been stopped by the police, she would have due to her status as a royal escaped having to shell out for the offense. The rest of us would be 700 Danish tax kroner poorer.

"Eh, I'll have the butler fix it when I get home"

 

Home again, home again, jiggity jig!

Photos: Kenneth Meyer

Royal Wedding in Sweden: Congratulations Princess Madeleine and Christopher O'Neill: Your Love Is Stronger Than Yrma's Ego and You Survived Your Party With Her Around!

"Oh, darling, remember last night when she got the presque-zizi caught up in the tablecloth?
Poor Fred!"

Lovely wedding this past Saturday in Stockholm. The king's youngest daughter Princess Madeleine, fourth in line for the Swedish throne, was married to British-born American businessman Christopher Paul O'Neill. You two crazy kids couldn't keep your paws off each other! Off you go to make some babies!

Happily, Madeleine had a loving groom, wonderful weather, a happy populace, a supportive family and posse of friends, and a beautiful Valentino gown, all to buffer herself from the obligation to invite weird Cousin Derfie and his ghastly wife Yrma La Douche, Countess of ute-shagging, Pony Club Starmakers. Dragging her husband's increasingly diminished and pixie-like carcass in front of the cameras, Yrma proved a horrid and ill-mannered guest, as the photos below prove. Her insecurity and vapid personality and lack of interest in others left her lost, dazed and beyond redemption in trying to be a part of the royal mob, especially notable on the top deck of the boat taking the wedding guests from the royal palace to Drottningholm Palace where the reception was held. Luckily, the many guests - several of whom are aristocrats from the groom's private sphere, unlike the ocker guests Mary invited to her own wedding - were able to screen Madde and Chris from the bogan in their midst in her raspberry-coloured, cheap lace sheath with nude peekaboo underlay and hideous sheer cape, reminiscent of polyester chiffon sarongs older women wear over their bathing suits to hide their cellulite, as well as reminiscent of some of Queen Sonja's most-noted, wing-armed fashion mistakes. Poor Madeleine - you can't choose your family, a lesson she knows well through her own brother's girlfriend. (Thank goodness for the delightful and well-behaved Princess Estelle!) Good luck setting up home in NYC and have fun being Mrs. O'Neill!

Health, wealth and happiness to the happy young couple!

Wedding Fashion Critiques: Go Fug Yourself

"Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeee! There they are! All my cameras!"

"Ah! Oh! Wha! Hey now! hahahahaha! Is it a liner, or is it SKIN?! Peekaboo! Wha hae!"

"You really can't tell. But you keep staring! Because I'M THAT SEXY."

 

 

That bump better not be the Miracle Triplets!

 

Taken seconds before her tongue reached out and slapped Fred for talking too long to a pretty blonde the previous night. 

The only one waving! 

"Oi! Fred MOVE GODDAMMIT. Wait you guys. Gotta get just the right angle. Oh, now, wait, I'm trying to manipulate the light so this turns out good. FRED, MOVE! This is the only way I'm useful!"

"Now what? Who can I talk to? Goddamn Marie keeps chatting up people SHE DOESN'T EVEN KNOW. Ho, yeah. Like that's appropriate! Valentino doesn't care, buttercup!"

Nice that American-born Kelly of Saxe-Coburg und Gotha has stayed down below away from participating in Mary's private freak show. As a fellow native English speaker, Kelly would be easy prey!

Mary off in the corner, poor Fred consoling himself with Tatiana while his love Vickan shows her husband tender affection.

 

Again, the only one waving! 

"Joizuz, you all get togeethah alreedy! Oi'm troiying to take a photie of youse!" to the sound of crickets.

Lovely Marie is being attended to by her doting husband and is interacting with the otherwise unescorted Best Man. Nice! No one ever figured out who Yrma was photographing! Psst, Marie, have Valentino give you some new frocks!

Fred to Pavlos: "See what I mean? This shit NEVER STOPS." 

Even media-savvy Marie-Chantal knows ridiculous overkill when she spots it! 

"GRAB MY HAND, FRED! GRAB IT! Ugh, FINE. I will hold yours." Careful, Mares! Iron thighs and delicate lace seaming don't go well together! Unless you're part of the Brazilian samba entertainment later in the evening.

 

Diminished and downcast, Madam retreats to her casket as the sun comes up.

How about a palate cleanser!!?

Yay! People in love starting a life together!

Yay! Beautiful children and a young doting family!

Yay! A woman who looks and dresses like a woman!

 

Yay! Calm, non-anxious, well-loved babies!

Photos: Pure People, Bekia, Ewa-Marie Rundquist, Andreas Rentz, Mattis Sandblad, Vittorio Zunino Celotto

'You Don't Give Up': Malcolm Brabant Back From the Brink: Survives Terrifying Poisoning Effects to Tell His Tale and Kick Big Pharma in Their Bloody Arse!

Board friend Malcolm Brabant's recent silence from reporting duties in Greece was noted earlier, and now has thoroughly been explained. Feeling much more sportif! now, the former BBC correspondent has authored a compelling e-book titled "Malcolm Is a Little Unwell" (Andartes Press) on the horrifying ordeal he went through after receiving a seemingly routine dose of Stamaril in April 2011. Stamaril is a yellow fever vaccine that he received before embarking for Ivory Coast. How come decent, hard-working people like Brabsie want to help in Africa and get punished for it while greedy slags like Mary don't? Argh.

Malcolm is husband to 1015 Copenhagen K author Trine Villemann and father to the handsome young Lukas, and he is back in Denmark with his family while they all recover from Malcolm's downward spiral into the Stamaril-enduced psychosis that followed the immunisation. Happily for him and for us, he has recovered enough to write a scathingly honest and often very funny memoir of the past couple of years, through his recovery and his attempts to nail Stamaril manufacturer Sanofi Pasteur in the nuts for what that vaccine did to him. In what might greatly interest readers here, the book has a hilarious chapter devoted to Malcolm's rather emotional reaction to watching the British royal wedding in 2011.

Please remember Malcolm Brabant's and Trine Villemann's good works and great support to our gang and show him the love and support they deserve by downloading a copy of "Malcolm Is a Little Unwell", which has just been published to critical acclaim on Amazon's sites. There is no hard copy of the book, you can download it to your Kindle, or with a free Kindle app, onto another smart device.

So glad to get your updates, Brabant Villemann family! And so very relieved that you are back on the road to health with your sense of humour intact, Malcolm! Stay strong to fight the good fight!


Article: The Telegraph (with links to Malcolm's e-petition and Amazon.co.uk for the e-book)

North American Bookseller: Amazon

British Bookseller: Amazon (with pop-up of samples from the first three chapters)


Photo: Clara Molden