Tuesday, March 1, 2011

Billed Bladet #8: Schackenborg in the snow

The delightful famille Schackenborg hits the slopes in Switzerland where Maman Grassiot and husband have a chalet and where Marie's brother is a ski instructor. What a nice winter break for this mixed family and how wonderful that Nikolai and Felix are so warmly welcomed. The entire family seems to do a great job of not underscoring any divisions between the older boys and lille Henrik! Chapeaux!

Here's Mary's Supernanny! She's British, named Bernadette Lion, a maternity nurse as well as a nanny, and she used to work for Hologram Helle. In fact, that's her pushing the baroness's sons Ludwig and Holger around in a toy car (Mary is godmother to younger brother Holger); that photo was taken during the time of sister Eloise's baptism at home at Gavnø Slot. No word on whether Bernadette speaks Danish. Love the shot of Mary posing with Prince Xian "Tourette's" Boganborg, "naughty" Princess Izzy and a deranged fat guy in a fancy velvet-lined scarf. Work it, Mares! That's right, give us the eyes, sex it up, love!

Bernadette graduated from Eden Nannies & Maternity in England and is described as super professional. She worked for the Reedtz-Thott family for a couple of years after Eloise's birth. (Carina Axelsson is Eloise's godmother.) Eden says it prides itself on the highest standards among its graduates and on their worldwide placement. BB acknowleges that Bernadette's presence and expertise allows Mary the luxury of being able to go out and about with her two oldest children, her husband or her dog Ziggy. Would Mary leave someone alone in her home, though? Bernadette! Pst! Download the Amber Petty emails!

BB socks it to Mares by allowing the Royal Dress of the Week to go to her wedding rival Letizia - again rocking a pretty red dress. Will the nightmares never end about the skinny, smart Spanish girl teasing our Danish bull (neck) with flaming red fabric!? Interesting button tiara in the middle of the first page!

Much to Mary's shock (although it shouldn't be, this is all due in part to her snubbing of Charles's wedding to Camilla, despite an explicit invitation to the Danish Crown Princess), it is Daisy and Henrik who will be travelling to London for William's wedding to the lovely Catherine. All that prep! All that planning! The facial re-planing, the Botox, the celery stick diet! The Dulux paints advert all ready to be applied to her handbag! The Huggies logo to be adhered to the soles of her shoes, exposed with each step as she performed the carefully choreographed slow-mo ascent up the aisle at Westminster Abbey, looking around as if a catwalk model! The jokes she would have shared with Posh Spice and Sir Elton for the cameras in church! The guaranteed Aussie news coverage, probably higher than the bride herself (so Mary would think)! The better seat placement than that hideous Marie Chantal (Mary is surely intimidated by the sophisticated heiress) and most of the English aristocracy! Port Seton for the win, and you can already hear Unca Peter and his rapist son's drunken Oy-oy-oy's as they watch on the telly. Sigh. The breathtaking world debut alongside the technical, other Queen of Australia will have to wait. Just wait until she's asked to be godmother to William's firstborn, thinks Mary, just wait!

BB is just naughty! They ask Mary's bridal gown designer Uffe Frank to design a dress for Kate! Did you ever!? What did poor Kate ever do to be swaddled in yellowish, badly boned and sewn satin, looking like the farmer's daughter as she marries only the world's most eligible bachelor, tightly drawn center part exposing gray roots and thinning hair? At least Kate's weight loss hasn't much affected her potato face, thank goodness, unlike Mary's gaunt, anorexia-victim bitch face, with appropriate horror-film soundtrack Zadok the Priest in the background.

Aren't they cute? Those little Dutch princesses are adorable and seem to be having a lovely time with Mums and Dads and Grams in the snow of Lech, Austria. Wouldn't it be wonderful if Willem-Alexandra and Maxima were in attendence at the London wedding!? I believe the last time they saw Daisy was during the night of the lunch-ticket twins' fatal conception by tongue kiss on live Danish television. WA and Maxi will have a great time running into Vickan and Daniel in London. More to burn Mary's bacon as she watches the wedding on the telly back home in Denmark, in dirty sweatpants, a twin attached to each teat.

Frex gives an interview confirming, er, denying that anything's wrong. Right? Derf, you fell into a trap and I think you like it. He's looking for help, but too scared to claim it. He seems to be saying, "did you ever see that Seinfeld episode where George's girlfriend refuses to break up with him, and that other one with Man Hands?! It was just supposed to be an Olympics fling. Just a few nights of wham, bam, thank you ma'am, and the next thing I know, I'm getting bills from the florist for weekly orchid deliveries. She never went home, she just moved in!"

Now let us turn our attention to a happy family on their winter holiday! All the boys are so cute and it's clear that they all have a great relationship and that the older and younger boys have a nice rapport. Lille Henrik in his snow suit and sunnies is too cute!

Caroline Fleming gave birth to her third child and second son a few months ago and she's found the time, while in Denmark, to meet with a young cancer patient named Emilie. 16 year old Emilie calls it the happiest day of her life. She and her family were invited over to Caroline's family castle, Valdemars Slot, via the Make A Wish group when the young woman wrote a letter saying how much she would like to meet Mrs. Fleming. Nice wish fulfillment, Caro!

Madde and Chris O'Neill are still going strong. Madde's a funny one. She doesn't mind eating and accentuating the curves, she sort of works for a children's organisation, but she's kind of precious with the gold, fur-trimmed princess parka. I guess being a real live Barbie doll actually appeals to her. There is still some maturing to do to shake that off. Hopefully, her time in NYC will help, but it would be best if she could ditch her enablers/staff/friends and just make a big city go of it.


  1. Another masterpiece! Thank you Cece!

  2. I love your BB recaps, Cece! I'm at home, sick, and reading this made my day.

  3. Thanks! Feel better, pixiekitty! More coming soon!

  4. Can't wait! I just saw today that Fred and Mares took yet another break from all their hard "work" and went skiing. That should be an entertaining sugar-coated article from everyone's favorite royal mag.