Wednesday, March 9, 2011

Billed Bladet #9: The Twinsies Have De-Yellowed

"The Twins are So Lovely!" After having to wait for weeks on end for the twins to gain the same amount of weight that Mary required of herself to lose, formal photos of the twins were taken and released. The babies are cute, but the photos are disappointing. Hired help in the background, Mary pretending to care about them but with empty eyes, Fred looking genuinely in love with the babies but frighteningly overwhelmed by his life and, strangely, absolutely no shots of the twins with their older siblings. It seems more and more that these twins were brought into the world to intentionally usurp their brother and sister, the older one being forecast for exile in "Prince John-istan" and the younger one being too cute and royal for More-More.

Both babies ressemble Isabella more than Christian - which means that they favour their royal parent more than the bogan one; Yehudi's lab work came through on this batch - but the boy seems to look more like Fred and the girl a bit more like Mary. Looks like Yehudi's bogan gene screening failed on the middle finger DNA, however. This boy's already demonstrating Xian's favoured middle-digit flashing in an early foreshadowing of his future as an insult-hurling, entitled twenty year old visiting seedy Bangkok watering holes with his scurrilous gargoyle cousins.

"They are so beautiful". Fred looking at his kids with love oozing out between the whiskers; Mary posing, thinking how glad she is that they are out of her, thinking how much weight she lost through that horrid thing called breast-feeding please God let it be over, and thinking, these puppies will ensure that I always have an excuse not to work much! For More-More, this could be as close to that emotion called "love" as she can get!

Daisy's turning 71 in April and at an age where she is giving up the charade. After the embarrassment of her grand 70th birthday being overshadowed by her bogan daughter-in-law's conception of twins on live television at the expense of the last thread of her son's dignity, the queen will not be spending her birthday with a balcony appearance at Amalienborg in Copenhagen next door to the growing Boganborg family and their psychedelic palace. Fred's thrash rock stereo utterances and his cries (as well as those of four children) are vibrating the walls of her own place. Daisy's not stupid - she's heading to her private haven at Marselisborg in Aarhus this year! No Mary pouting in the corner, no babies spitting up on Henrik's ivory phallus collection, no runaway nannies in the middle of the night tripping up the alarm system. Just peace and quiet!

Danish Oscar winner Susanne Bier in a pretty blue dress and darling Victoria doing the royal honours for us in a pretty, 70s inspired dress. And in a nod to small country syndrome, BB spotlights Scarlett Johanssen only because she has a Danish surname.

Bubbles! BB editors again let silly, comedy spots do the real talking, from Daisy and Henrik's official visit to Bahrain. Clockwise from upper left:
Henrik: "Listen, I booked with a pool view."
Daisy: "Is it an oil painting?"
Henrik: "Damn the country running out of oil!"
Daisy: "Do you even make salad oil?"
Daisy: "They have more nannies than Frederik and Mary..." (!!)

As Mary and Fred's mouthpiece, Jon Bloch Skipper of the Royal Mailbag must set the record straight on why the Boganborg family made the bad choice of Thursday, 14 April for the christening of the "miracle twins". However, he's speaking more out of truth than out of PR obligations. Did their cheque bounce, Jon? They are in the red again. "I see that there is criticism of their chosen date in the newspapers. I must confess that I too am annoyed at the fact that baptism will take place on a weekday and at a time when thousands of Danes are either at or en route to and from work. A royal baptism should be a national anniversary, the majority of Danes have the opportunity to take part in. It is in the royal family's own interest. The modern monarchy acting as you know about identity, identification and empathy. The selected date is probably the most practical solution but not exactly an open invitation to the general population. It sends, in my opinion, an unfortunate signal." Wow. BB slowly but surely takes the gloves off?

In more annoyance news for Mary, the lovely Kate begins her career as a BB selling tool. Just wait, Mary, the wedding coverage, babies and fashion statements by this young woman will soon eclipse you, especially as it will be a worldwide phenomenon with the British gal, quite unlike with you. BB's readership will soon clamour more for the carefree and lighthearted Catherine as Mary's face continues to harden and her chokehold on the once boyishly charming Prince Frederik will tighten to the point of asphyxiation.

YAAAAAAAAY!! Me got bike! Me got big bike! Aw fa meeeee!! Yay, Fweddie!!! Go fasta, fasta! Go catchup wif big boys!! Yaaaaaayyy!! Me big man now!!!! Vooooom vooooom!

In contrast to her former brother-in-law, Alexandra and her husband Martin go graciously about their work, and attend a charitable dinner for one of her patronages, The Danish Association for the Blind. The Dinner in the Dark celebrated the association's 100th anniversary. Well done, madame! The menu included cavier, fried turbot with cauliflower foam, couscous with lemon and herbs, Australian beef fillet with honey, celery chips and glazed potatoes.

Congratulations are soon in order for Princess Nathalie of Sayn-Wittgenstein-Berleburg who will tie the knot religiously on June 18 at Berleburg. Can't wait to see the photos from that day. The dress, the flowers, the baby's participation, Carina's participation after giving such a dreadful summation of her presque-in-laws, and of course, what shade of white Mary will dare to wear.


  1. Another coup of the middle finger, Cece ... these are the highlight of my week!

  2. Just found this site. Love, love, LOVE it! Bit disappointed Mares isn't going to the Brit royal wedding - was looking forward to watching her give death glares to everyone. Fifi