Wednesday, March 16, 2011

Billed Bladet #10: Daisy's not going anywhere fast

"Daisy in Great Shape: a big and open-hearted interview. My health is matchless! (Take that Mary - no croaking for years!) I will not ask about the twins' names! (subtext: lest I faint from the vulgarity and goopy Boganson tributes). Mary isn't going to bump into the doors of her mother-in-law. (Take that, Donaldson!!!)" You better beleeb it! Sister has read the writing on the wall (Mary's graffiti is tagged in Derf's blood) and is responding by living well and strong - always the best revenge when a narcissistic arriviste is depending on your death to fulfill her only and empty wish to be on top of the international social strata. Her heir's mental and physical health on the line, Queen Margrethe will not tolerate any more gala birthday tongue kiss babies/lunch tickets/excuses not to work from her daughter-in-law anymore! You've been served, Mary!

In an interview with Her Majesty on her annual cross country ski trip to Norway (usually undertaken with Queen Sonja and a couple of other friends plus guard), Daisy lays it all out on the line, and she's not speaking to BB's blue-haired readership, this is for Mary Antoinette Donaldson herself.

"Mary and Frederik have their hands full". Rest of sentence: "getting their act together!!"

At least we can count on Princess Marie to keep us happy and content as she is dressed in violet for a lovely event at Hamlet's Kronborg Castle north of Copenhagen. Elegant yet unpretentious - brava, Marie!

While in Norway, Daisy joined her Swedish and Norwegian colleagues at a ski jump event at Holmenkollen. How nice for her to escape the psychologically tense surroundings of Amalienborg with Mary making Fred jump with the slightest eye contact and lip purse. A sunny afternoon with charming, relaxed friends is good for a soul. I'm sure Daisy's long past caring that her own daughter-in-law is a cold fish, but how strange it must be to see sweet Sonja having such a wonderful time with the fully accepted and loving Mette Marit. MM had everything against her success and yet with her husband's constant yet growing love and the trust that her new family and the nation have placed in her, she has blossomed and is poised to be a very popular and well-loved queen. Quite a contrast to the "flawlessly backgrounded" Mary Donaldson who should have, by all accounts, been in a much better position to be a perfect princess for Denmark. All that poor country has to show 10+ years down the line is a pouting princess who keeps the tax-slurping family in the red as well as in Prada and Hugo Boss receipts, a fat and unhappy heir who will call in sick to a measly ribbon cutting, and family divides that have the Schackenborg branch of the family coming out the winners.

Speaking of fat and unhappy heirs, a depressing and unconvincing set of photos of Fweddie in his bwan nuu office at Amalienborg with the Soundgarten/dog food mural on the walls. He twy to teyo us dat he ok, dat he dooing weyo. "See? I sit he-ah an dwink coffee wike nohmal man." Ha ha Fweddie, you think we beleeb you. Ha ha.

As filler to this paltry issue on the royals (BB did not want to interrupt the power of Daisy's Norwegian interview!), BB plays the "who do the twins look like" game. Mary's eyes as a baby were seriously canted at 45 degree angles. And what a head of hair! Do the Donaldsons have Arabic or Hispanic heritage? Did one of King Ferdinand's Spanish conquistadors accidentally sail into Port Seton's harbour in 1504 returning from the Americas, but instead getting lured by "mermaids" - fat Donaldson ancestors with walrus like teeth - who nailed the sailors' Iberian balls to the walls of their sod share houses while the other, less attractive women raided the docked ships of all their supplies? Is this where Isabella's name comes from?

Henrik also knows how to get out of Dodge while Mother Mary is on maternity leave and thus, more prone to attempts at sweet-talking rellos into babysitting while she meets Helle at the wheatgrass smoothie shop for some gossip and smack talk. Henrik finds himself in French Guyana on the northern coast of South America enjoying the company - as always - of charming, local ladies. He was paying a visit in his capacity as Danish president of the World Wildlife Fund.

Funny how BB uses a photo from the event when Crown Princess Mary was asked publically about her dinner with coke-queen Rigmor Zobel only to encounter Mary's awkward yet angry wordless smiles just before Per Thornit manhandled one of the female reporters going about doing her job in a "democracy". The letter attached to this photo of Frex and his More-More looking more and more alike is one that asks where the Crown Prince got his interest in art. The answer is that his interest began while at university in Aarhus. Earlier his taste tended toward more classic work, but with the restoration of the Frederick VIII palace at Amalienborg, he responds very much now to more contemporary art.

The Princess's Fairy Tale. Despite the insipid titles BB gives such silly "articles", Marie does look smashing at a recent event in Helsinore reading to children under the guise of the Danish UNESCO. She met many students who are involved with the UNESCO Youth Forum. Very nice that Marie interacted - non-forcefully, but quite naturally - with Danish Muslim women and girls at the event. Toute naturelle, madame!

Adorable 8 year old Prince Felix won a school sports event and took the title of "Cat King" during a football exhibition. Countess Alexandra and her husband Martin were naturally quite proud.

What a lovely gesture! Joachim thoroughly understands his role and responsibilities. He came to his Møgeltønder neighbor the Schackenborg Slot Inn recently to celebrate their 5th anniversary. He presented the chef and the manager with presents to mark the occasion in a lovely gift basket. Their chef, Rasmus Lodahl, has cooked before for the royal family. What a charming way to show his appreciation! Well done, Joachim!


  1. At the risk of becoming a bore, Cec, kudos and skoal! Diog

  2. Always appreciated, never a bore, Diog! Thank you! -C