Billed Bladet #29, 2010

After a nanosecond's headscratching by the BB editors, all the focus this week is young Felix's 8th birthday portraits with his older brother Nikolai. "Two sweet prince charmings"! What handsome young men! They both are looking so much more like their father Joachim. How izzit that he can produce such lovely genetic specimens while "cute brother" Freddles made a couple of pudding heads, even if one is more pleasant than the other? (We're looking at YOU, darling Izzy!) Mary's been relegated to just a line of text above the titleblock as she exhibits her pre-Denmark habits of rock concerts with the masses instead of gentle socialising with cultured interesting people. Baroness Caroline, a society wedding and Miss Marple (ouch!) get the rest of the coveted photo slots. Picture, dear audience, Prince Beelzebub Amin Ceaucescu Mugabe, aka Prince Christian of Denmark, in close-up on the cover. Ain't never going to happen! Buyers would mistake it for Mad Magazine!

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Mary and Fred attend a rock concert in Tisvildeleje with their friends Jean Ahlefeldt-Laurvig (gives Mary Georg Jensen freebies), Caroline Ahlefeldt-Laurvig (countess & landowner's wife), among others. The open concert was held at the hotel owned by Rigmor Zobel's half sister's boyfriend Alexander Kølpin. Careful, Mares! You're playing with fire!

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Fred & Mary took Izzy and Christian to the beach. Madam was in her usual wide brimmed, don't-look-at-me, look-at-me Garbo attire made from the curtains some students threw away after they graduated and left the student housing for more grown up digs. Mindful perhaps that Denmark is no democracy, and Mary is scary, they did not publish the photos where Mary notably assumed what she misguidedly believed was a sexy Ursula Andress pose - thigh turned out toward the photographers. Note to Mary: all the photographers have hot models for wives! They're not likely to be impressed by a Scotch Nanny pretending to be on heat! Mind you, perhaps Mary's aim was to make them close their eyes and shoot out of focus. Meanwhile, Fred gazes into the distance and looks forward to his next encounter with Katja.

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Week's fashion - no Mary, Daisy or Marie! Come right up front, Mette-Marit, as you rock the AIDS Conference in Vienna! In stark contrast to the Women Deliver conference that Mary used as a cover for her trip up "Root 66" with Amber Petty over the following days. Oops! Amber blabbed. The tired, Gold Coast-wrapped-in-summer-woolens East Hampton is Amber's idea of top digs!

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Irene Wedell's funeral. Bouquets and condolences from the Danish Royal Family - well, some of them. Flowers from Should-Be-King Joachim and La Belle Marie; Queen Margrethe no doubt cut many of the flowers in her bunch herself. Margrethe and Henrik showed up. Mary's Thailand friend and beach bathrobe protectrice Malou Skeel showed up. Descendents from King Christian IX showed up. Caroline Fleming's parents were there, along with loads of other nobles. It is looking as though Mary is saving hard for her divorce. Can someone let her know that telling your servants to shred the death notice does not relieve her and Fred of their royal obligations?

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Society wedding at Knuthenborg Slot. Adorable 25 year old Stephanie Mikkelsen became Countess Knuth when she married the 36 year old Count Christoffer at the family castle in a fairytale wedding. The young count is a descendent of King Christian. What a pretty bride in her simple summer dress and lovely lace veil with family tiara. Young, discreet. And aristocratic. Nice! The guest list was the nobility's creme de la creme. Included is Prince Frederik's Friend Ellen Hillingsø's parents, her mother being the groom's godmother. Frederik was excused, apparently. Well, when you're driven to substances, people will understand and look the other way. The taps on Fred's shoulder will be starting now, though, as friends recognise that the kids only need the nannies, Fred and Katja, and Izzy alternately cries and sulks in Mary's company. Or looks downright scared.

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The Royal Mailbag has a letter regarding Mary's Swedish order - it is the lowest and the one Fred is wearing is the highest. Now that's about the only way Victoria and her folks can express their reservations about Mary, hey. The sort of coding that would escape the hoi polloi. But not the Royal Dish mob! Another letter about Henrik's long haired dachshund Vega who is seen here sleeping through the Cayx press conference.

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Queen Elizabeth is going to be a great grandmother by her Canadian grand-daughter-in-law. Congratties to Peter and Autumn Philips, who manages to be a much classier bogan than Mary could ever dream of being.

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Felix's birthday shots. The boys are best friends. Can't see Princess Izzy and Prince Xian Beelzebub being besties at any age! Shiver! Try not to recall Prince Christian hovering murderously over his baby sister's cradle as you gaze upon the precious photo of Nikolai being very happily interested in the new baby! No doubt the security detail were briefed some time ago, and are kept updated on Xian's "village idiot" brute strength as it develops.

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Caroline Fleming is no longer going to be the TV Baroness. She's giving up working for her footy player/baby daddy. (Shades of Mary and her 17-year-old footy beau Ryan O'Keefe.) With the possible settlement she could get from her James Bond-heir first husband, that non-working thing shouldn't be a problem!

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Three birthdays to celebrate: young Prince Felix of course, the husband of Mary's classy first lady-in-waiting (the one whose soft, kind jaw set hard in Mary's company, and who lasted just a year) and Prince Frederick's still-hot ex Malou Aamund, source of much gauche angst on Mary's part!

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Royal Roundup featuring Camilla, a slimmer but still womanly Beatrice, Pauline Ducruet and Queen Beatrix with the Dutch footy players.

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Bubbles!
Daisy's: "So it's only four hours to Harzen"
Joachim's: "Oops, the Dannebrog won't be able to sail any more for years"
Marie's: "The little prince hand rolled them himself"
Henrik's: "According to the map, Tønder should be right here"
Charles's: "Turn off the faucet, I've got to pee"

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Style Finder. Mary's mug, but Izzy's dress they're concerned with! It's by Sofie Schooner, a Danish designer. At least someone in the family wears Danish stuff!

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Opera at society summer hang-out Skagen. All Fred's friends, including Julie Mølsgaard, Peter Herring's parents, Katja's boss from the posh auction house she works for and a few other aristos. I see Katja is very gently being brought into the fold while the divorce settlement is worked out.

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Daisy opens the summer season at Graasten after she and Henrik arrive via Dannebrog at the local port. Handmaiden Marjo (whom you'll remember from The Monarchy Within tv series) waits to serve.

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Nice little filler piece to annoy Mary some more. Victoria is called out as Daniel's loving support. Nice dig at Fred and Mary not being a support for each other at all - quite the contrary, as enablers seems to be what best describes the Danish crown princely co-dependency, er, marriage!

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Another subtle dig at the Kancellihuset pair right on the heels of last issue's publication of the summer photo spreads of the adorable Dutch royal girls and the lovely Spanish Infantas with the World Cup champions, here are the happy, fecund Belgian crown princely family. What togetherness in a series of activities geared around activities for the children, not just circus shows. Those brains are getting better massaging than the Danish childrens' ones! Perhaps Dr. Geldstein's report on Xian Beelzebub came back blank. There just may be nothing there to stimulate!

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