Wednesday, September 8, 2010

Billed Bladet #35, Greek wedding, Nikolai's 11th birthday

As if to rub it in for Mary that she was alone at Nikolaos's wedding and that she is in a sham marriage-for-benefits (jury's still out on what Fred gets out of it), BB calls the Greek wedding "The Great Love".

Glamourous, Euro-chic couple Niks and Tats enjoy time out on the water the day before their wedding. Tats does "sexy casual by the beach" better than Mary who - perhaps nostalgic for her undergrad days at a D rated university - wore belted army fatigue shorts, a Communist Youth khaki hat and man's t-shirt on the beach. It was a far less glamourous stint: "little Danish pixie takes his taciturn troll out for a bout of sunlight". Perhaps the medicos twigged that Mary's complexion obsession was depriving the designer twins of vitamin D ...

It looks like Marie & Joachim enjoyed an outing out on a boat with evil twins Gustav and Carina whose bogan frizzies have come out to play. Hm, Gustav is not touching his girl, even though she's got her arm around him. Is he "pulling a Frederik"?

"Marie Got it Bad". Sounds like a story Mary tried to feed to BB about Marie running to the loo and Mary running right after her out of "sympathy", but it doesn't stick. All photos of Marie have her looking fine: pink-cheeked and relaxed. Especially cute is the photo of Marie with young Count Richard von Pfeil und Klein-Ellguth outside the restaurant. How sweet of one of the bridal children to look after his dear French cousin. Even though he was one of Mary's bridal children, Mary has somehow never inspired such kind devotion from Benedikte's grandson. Children have a sixth sense about these things! But the better thesis is that Scared Mary took the opportunity to decamp from the table where she was having an isolated and miserable time, and ran to the bathroom in a "show" of support ...

Everyone looked so nice for the pre-wedding party! And then there's cousin Fred's weird wife. Wow, that is a big, manly, power stride! And proof that sometimes Mary can actually clear a floor grate, which means that her cutesy-poo act in front of Daniel and Victoria last year of "accidentally" stepping in the grate to the side of the red carpet they were walking was kind of really planned. (Strange way to bond with people - though, perhaps, high stilletoes combined with cutesie poo was Mary's selling point back in the "red light" days with Kylie Matthews as her business partner and Sex Industry Advocate Andrew Miles as her flatmate ... and she thinks "killer heel conversation" is her most fetching gig to this day ... Please note, Mary: other people have nice natural spouses and encourage nice natural habits ... and interesting topics of conversation)

Love that Infanta Elena is becoming the Spanish Princess Anne with a recycled dress from the 80s! Queen Anne-Marie wore a turquoise necklace to her son's wedding eve party and Marie's dress for the wedding won Royal Dress of the Week. Even BB can't be bothered to write something nice and positive about that vampire halter that Mares wore!

Our favourite Prinsesse Marie was chic, charming and happy to be at the jewellry fashion shows while Mary took on the duties with the togs. What a deep and respectful curtsey she is being given! NOBODY'S genuflected that deeply for Mary! Only Queen Margrethe has ever gotten that kind of greeting. Interesting - Mary was previously doing this gig. Looks like the jewellery crowd decided they'd like a classy dame to showcase their gems. In the same way that top models are paid to make polyester look like silk, no top-end jeweller wants a bogan Taswegian turning their rubies into paste.

BB slyly wonders if Mary knows the sex of the twins. Well, she knew before everyone else that she was having twins. And Dr. Yehudi Geldstein of course had to break the news to Fred! Always victim to the latest trend, Mary has been getting about in "nude". On a cafe au lait Amazon, of course, nude looks fab. On Mary, it just reminds us of the biggest-selling British brand of nude-coloured brassiere - the Doreen.

Royal Mailbag. A question on the correct way to hold a wine glass for which the correct answer is: however you want to! A question on why Izzy is "only" a "komtesse" de Monpezat while her brother and Schackenborg cousins are "grev" de Monpezat (the usually seen female form is grevinde, but that indicates the wife of a count, while komtesse is a born countess, baby!) Also, a note that Princess Alexandra Rosemarie Ingrid Benedikte was named for a family friend Countess Rosemarie af Wisborg from Stockholm. Huh! No vanity names as in the Kancellihuset family.

Royal Roundup. Princess Stephanie's oldest daughter Pauline competed in the Youth Olympics as a diver from Monaco. Dans and Vicky were pictured in the snow. Madeleine out on the town and Queen Beatrix mourning for sister Irene's former husband.

Mary's strange "rocker girl/bikie chick meets Mahatma Ghandi's doppelganger" outfit for Fashion Week was by Heartmade, but (surprise surprise) no longer in boutiques as the designer has assessed that Mary ruined the design intent. Out on a limb for oddness, there's Mary, incapable of an edgy or Bohemian aesthetic, getting it all wrong, and decreasing a friend's sales in the process.

King-in-training Prince Nikolai celebrated his 11th birthday with a party at Mor Alex's house with none other than granny Daisy, sad Uncle Fred, evil Auntie Mary and weird cousins Xian and Izzy. They were held up at table while Mary finished with the pre-party fashion parade in front of the paps. Of course, the smiles held up impeccably on the part of the real royals - while Mary's neck scaffolding did overtime, and no doubt she had her anti-tooth-grinding prophylactic in place all night.

What a difference between the self-possessed & well-mannered young Schackenborg princes and the greasy, slovenly, unkempt Boganson children! Looks like Martin's father was also at the party. He's the filmmaker who produced the Marymentary. Wonder if he was corralled by Madam for an updated version? Oh, the hilarity if she overplayed her hand with a 7 part television series! Bring on the Republic! Honestly, though, look for something in another 3.5 years to "celebrate" (conk Danes over the head with the bad news) the 10 year marriage of the Crown Princely Couple. If they last that long, Fred will have shrunk another 5 inches and atrophied into a sad shell of his already sad self!

A new biography of Henrik is hitting the shelves that calls him Daisy's first and greatest love. Fred has one, too! Her name is Katja. Mary has one, too! It's name is Black Amex.

Significant photo of Fred with his Daddykins. Widdle Fweddie may shame and embarrass The Prince Consort, but the Monpezat men will always band together against marauding outsiders. Beware Pictish bogans demanding gifts!

Cute bump on TV Baroness Caroline Fleming! Funny how even the former model and forever rich girl is the one who is proud of her belly while brood mare Mares continues to play a sexy(ish) hide and seek game with the press.

And a cute Maria Montell in her healthy pregnancy. I love that BB keeps publishing photos of Fred's exes as well as rich girls dating bogan, footie players - all in their 3rd pregnancies, like Mary - to keep sticking it to Madam, whose bump is smaller even though there are twice as many buns in her oven! Perhaps she wants to deliver undersized children so they will eat into her Prada budget a little less.

Fred really needed that hug! Look how he clings to that cute young girl as if he hasn't a friend in the world! While the rest of the family partied with Nikolaos, Fred went someplace where he wouldn't be a downer and where he could get the attention he needed.

BB produced a supplement to the Greek wedding as if to contrast this warm affair that was a nice mix of elegant and carefree, with the Copenhagen Catastrophe. Mary's invited guests for the unfortunate Denmark wedding back in 2004 (consisting of Professor Jock "Half-Mast" Donaldson's commerce colleagues, plus the aforementioned Sydney sex industry insiders and the later-convicted family child rapist Brendan Johncock) could never handle such an unstructured affair that was strung together and made coherent by a nice mix of love and good manners, as with this cosmopolitan wedding on Spetses.

How lovely to have included so many children in the wedding party. The boys are so handsome in their white linen suits and sockless mocassins. Chic! No wonder Xian Amin Mugabe Ceausescu Beelzebub wasn't invited down: the suit would already have been ruined by a mix of spaghetti sauce and boogers. Izzy must get used to a lifetime of also not being invited as Mary would never tolerate Our Izzy's attendance anywhere Xian is forbidden. Shame really - Izzy is shaping up to be the the life of the party, and will be much in demand with Auntie Vickan (with whom she shares more genes than Mary would like us to know) and Auntie Marie, and of course Katja, as soon as she can be gotten out of Mary's clutches.

The bridesmaids were Tats' six close friends who were all dressed in Diane von Furstenburg dresses in shades of blue, green and turquoise. A fun, flirty touch of fantasy in wedding that was not taking itself seriously! You can bet that this bride was not escorted to the altar by the strains of Zadok the Priest!

Marie and Mary. It's like a photographic battle between the forces of goodness and evil. Light versus dark. God versus Satan. Mary's dress seems to signal that her lady cave will cough up sharp daggers if she is crossed. No wonder poor Haakon has his hands tightly ensconsed behind his back all night!

Diminished Mary! It's like a repeat of Stockholm from 2006! Note that Willem Alexander has remembered that frightening evening four years ago and has stepped to the other side of his wife so as to avoid the uncovered armpits of that Mary thing who married once-fun cousin Fred.

Aren't Nikolaos's older siblings and their families such handsome people! Look at the women, who despite personal fortune, don't seem to worry about calories or wrinkles; adorable children who can stand still without yelling or shoving a finger up the nose; polite understanding of the importance of the occasion without trying to steal the spotlight.

Despite being dressed in what is basically a lettuce wrap, Madeleine is described as a Greek Goddess, much to the chagrin of Mary who in a flash of hunger started munching on Madde's hem in church. A pregnant woman starving herself down to sample size takes a lot of energy. Even British socialite Alice Bamford dressed in Chanel was in attendance as the guest of Søren Jessen, Fred's playboy restauranteur friend whose jacket Mary coyly wore in London a couple of years ago during a "play with Fred's emotions right under his nose with other men" period. Now she plays with his emotions with surprise Geldstein-generated babies. Nonetheless, Mary probably gave Alice the stink eye during the ceremony out of misplaced jealousy.

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