Friday, February 4, 2011

Billed Bladet #2: The Twins are Here!

BB continues to service Madam La Boganista with platitudes that sister is probably too dense to see as actually being backhanded compliments. Mary looks awful! And the spotlight goes to her children and rellos, which reflects back a very unflattering light.

So, the first 20 pages are devoted to the arrival of the twins, including a full page ad from Danish company Libero congratulating the royal twins. If ever there was a doubt that Denmark has an absolute corporate monarchy system of government, it is now squashed. First, the sycophancy starts with crap about how "Mary Loves the Role of Mother". Right. And the Queensland floods were a minor inconvenience. BB managed to come up with the few photos there are of Mary not sneering at her children, especially Izzy. Of course, she's not exactly looking at them in love, either. No warm body language here! Sociopaths can't connect with others!

A note about how Izzy and Xian's life has really changed completely. They have a new home (Amalienborg after their whole lives at Kancellihuset); a new little brother and sister (doubling the size of the children in the house and going from 1 to 3 siblings); and a new kindergarten. See the little blue trailers behind the church and in front of the apartment complex? BB slyly includes the school newsletter's introduction of the two new students just below the lice report. And doesn't use their titles, "by wish of the crown princely couple". Ow! Direct assault on Joachim's understanding of royalty, Mary's wish to have "normal" kids (I know, I'm laughing, too) may backfire on her as they do not grow up understanding royal manners and behaviour and instead will look and act like they just came from the backblocks of Copenhagen.

Naturally, the Bogansons have made their joy available to BB. Some new Bogansons have surfaced, priming themselves for the sluuuuuuuuuuuuuurrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrpppping!
Nearly being outshadowed by the Ugly Sisters, that's Aunt Margaret Cunningham with her offspring and Uncle John and Aunt Roy (cousin of family sollicitor Rob) who all heard the news on the telly in Scotland and popped open the champagne at the news of the twins.

"The World's Happiest Grampa". As expected, Professor Half-Mast Signet Pinkie Ring Sluuuuurrrrrrpson and the Dumpling made a paparazzi-friendly "spontaneous" walk around Amalienborg Square when they spied cameras out in the plaza post-birth.

Appealing to Mary's ego, but actually coming up quite short, BB's editor publishes screen shots of the world's websites reporting the news of the birth of the twins. Well, ok, a paper in Perth, two from Sweden, Paris Match and a Taiwanese paper's website, no doubt impressed by Princess Knock-Off who supports their economy. Fail, BB!

Freddles at the hospital news conference, BB's Trine Larsen (typically assigned to the Marie and Joachim beat) giving an interview/spilling the Lene Balleby-approved lines, and the royal writers at BB toasting to their ensured future paycheques with champers.

LIW Caroline Heering was the first to visit; Tanja and Chris Doky said that the babies were "beautiful"; Stylist Anja said that they have Mary's colouring (calling Mary a yellow belly!); Hologram Helle and her daddy Otto brought an extra pressie that they wouldn't reveal (drugs for Fred?); and Fred's friend, Mary Fund board member and all-round creep Michael Halbye with his wife.

Birgitte and Jeppe Handwerk (Xian's godfather) came by, as did Izzy's godfather Dr. Christian Buchwald and his family and forever single and kinda fat Julie Mølsgaard. I wonder if Mary keeps her around to boost her own self-esteem? Very telling that Frau Axelsson and her trophy prince haven't actually been photographed and quoted about the babies. Has sister been gagged!?

BB has the audacity to include Victoria and Daniel on an official visit to a Swedish ski race to pretend they also give good wishes to Mary and Fred. Gag. They turned a two second meeting with Cousin Pavlos at a Danish party into an endoresement of the twins, as well.

Alex and Martin brought the boys by to see their new cousins since Joachim and Marie were tending to lille Henrik in hospital in Miami at the time. Nicely done, Alex!

Joachim said that Fred rang him up with the news. Love the sexy photo of Marie included in direct contrast to the Wicked Witch photos of Mary post-baby! There is also a note that Henrik not only called Mary's babies ugly in shouting range of the Sluuuuuuuurrrrrrppppsons, but gave Mary some jewellry during his visit. So, that should shut her up for a while.

In case anyone doubts it, everyone here was both at the New Year's Kur (as always) as well as at the wedding. These are tight, tight circles that spin around the DRF.

This week's fashion includes Daisy at a party, the American Ambassador at the New Year's Kur and a couple of stylish guests at the 40th birthday party of Caroline Fleming's sister's husband (more later on that one below).

Well! Daisy arrived for the big black tie bash by the owners of the very posh Bruun Rasmussen auction house. Wait a minute! That's the auction house that Katja works for! How nice that Daisy and her advisors spent a private evening in a corner with Katja making arrangements for future manoeuvering vis-a-vis Freddles!

The 40th birthday party for Nikolaj Albinus who is married to Duddi, aka Louise, the younger sister of Caroline Fleming and the daughter of the owner of the grounds, Baron Iuel-Brockdorff. How very modern and sensible, even Caroline's ex-husband Rory Fleming came with his new Caroline. Prince Pavlos was also there without his wife, fueling the separation/cheating rumours. All these folks live in London. Danish based friends also came out like Caroline Heering's sister and her husband Marc Høm who just photographed Frex and Mary for Vogue.

A little announcement that Mary did indeed become the godmother to Nathalie's recently baptised son Konstantin at Berleburg although she couldn't be there. The long skinny man is Fred's new babysitter/secretary Christian Schønau and a little note that Prince Henrik was named "Yachtsman of the Year" for his 40 years supporting Danish and international sailing.

Royal Mailbag pulls out the Clockwork Orange photo of Xian on his 5th birthday with eyeliner to compare him to kings of the past. But also there is a letter reminding us that Daisy and her mother had lots of trouble giving birth and being pregnant, while Mary's bubs slid out with a cough. True delicate, royal loins versus Pictish, bogan, stretched-out fish twats!

Countess Alex has a charming peacock print scarf from Dea Kudibal that cost 899 kroner. It's not for sale anymore but check where you might find a second hand one for less.

The schedule is set for Wills and Kate's wedding on 29 April! 10:30 bridal party goes to the church. 10:35 Queen and family leave for church. 10:40 Prince William with Harry leave for church. 10:50 Kate leaves for church. 11:00 to noon is the service. 12:30 is the reception and one hour later, the couple will hit the balcony. At 7pm, Charles will host a wedding ball.


  1. 'True delicate royal loins versus Pictish, bogan, stretched-out fish twats!'

    Cece, beautifully graphic description of HRH...she's still at the squat on the wind swept headland at Port Seton and drop 'em stage, not much evolutionary progress there, rather like having a crap really!

  2. "rather like having a crap really!" - exactly, lupina! LOL! Very Life of Brian, the whole Boganson giving birth thing!

  3. Crown Princess Katya truly looks the part!