Thursday, November 11, 2010

Billed Bladet #44: Crumbs for Mary

"Almost a mother of four: Mary's new life", "Big upheaval for the whole family" say the headlines. They may be predicting more than just two more cribs in the corner! BB decides to give the cover to Mary after many weeks of their pro-Marie agenda so as not to let down the side with Mary. Over on the side is Caroline Fleming, who announced she's expecting a son with her bogan football player, oh, and there are Marie and Joachim, looking like a well-balanced married couple ready to "lift the veil" (interesting language, BB) on how they're going to spend Christmas this year. Can anyone remember?

"Mary's new life: twins and moving". Moving where, alas? Oh dear, that isn't Jock's wind truck unloading what the movers are loading on the other side of the palace, is it? Follow that truck to the nearest Qantas flight!

Wow, that is one long torso, and a very saggy bottom, Miss Mary!

"New Life in Granny Ingrid's Old Palace". A story on how 10 years after Ingrid's death, the crown princely couple is moving in. The blue-lit photo and hovering Ingrid shots make this spread one big tarot card predicting a haunted home.

An awkward night at the royal theatre.

The royal court attended as well. There's Fred's new private secretary/minder (the new Per) Christian Schønau and his wife, and Lene Balleby who got madam's memo that all righteous cougar ladies wear reptile prints on their shoes.

Victoria and Mary are in the same dress, just different colors, but we're treated to the full length version with excellent posture from Vicky.

Royal Roundup: Harry and his new blonde, Gemma Wilkinson; Madeleine shopping with her bestie in NYC; Empress Michiko in her garden; Haakon and Mette Marit on bikes; and the commoner father-in-law to a future Scandinavian consort. Hm, no pinkie signet ring, so it must be Olle Westling! I don't believe Jock "Half-Mast" Donaldson has ever been invited on a royal hunt, as has Daniel's father.

Daisy: "I cried all that I could". It is hard coming to the realisation that a vulgar bogan has invaded the precious 1000 year old dynasty that you claim to want to protect. Don't be too hard on yourself, old girl. Oh, wait, this article is about how Daisy has written a book with her bestie, Susanne Heering (mother-in-law to Mary's estranged lady-in-waiting Caroline). It is based on her own childhood memories of Tivoli. She is proud that all of her grandchildren have attended her ballets except for lille Henrik who is still too young. Xian and Izzy went last year and looked upon their creative FarMor Daisy's play with dull, glazed-over expressions (Donaldson genes aren't exactly artistic), so Daisy may not bother this year!

Royal Mailbag. "What is the fanfare that the queen enters state dinners"? Funnily enough, it is called "The Queen's Fanfare". You can get it on the "Garden i galla" cd as played by the Life Guards' Music Corps.
This letter must have been written by Mary: "where in Stockholm are the Swedish royals buried"? Oh, Mary, you can't kill Victoria, it would be too suspicious.
Here's an interesting question: "Does Crown Prince Frederik have an email address? I'd like to ask him a question". Signed, Royal Dish? :) No, of course Fred doesn't have a published email, but you can offer psychiatric services via or send him whisky via snail mail at the addy listed.

BB nostalgia page from 1958 when young Daisy turned 18.

Fred attended a benefit for Greenlands' kids and met one of their best advocates Julie Berthelsen upon whose soft skin Fred was driven to plant a wet one. Funny how just next to this "Fred practising on other women" photo is a promo for the new book that's out: "10 Years with Mary". Cause: Effect.

Bubbles, millinery version. Clockwise from upper left:
Daisy: "No, Henri, they go on your feet"
Daisy: "Finally, I can use the wireless vaccuum"
Daisy: "I'm sponsored by Adidas"
Joachim: "Mor will wear this for the harvest festival"
Mary's young friend: "Fasten your helmet back there, I'm stepping on the gas"

Haven't seen any Mary appearance in Style Finder for a while, but now we see Christian with weaponry, as if to remind all the Danish readers that this little one is more loyal to the UK and will fight to the death for her. Long Live The Queen (Elizabeth)! The little pict's shirt cost about AUS$100. Of course.

Among some of the random bits and pieces found in the magazine this week, there is a little mention of a freebie bracelet Mary wore 2 1/2 years ago by someone who is dating one of the Real Danish Housewives of Hollywood (subtext: Mary is as shallow and vain as those plastic whores). Meanwhile, further down, is mention of Caroline Heering's move from being Mary's private secretary and lady in waiting to doing work as an "advisor" now for The Mary Fund. Mary must be a nightMare(s) to work with! Poor Tanja Doky is left to be Mary's LIW. All is not well in paradise. How long until a second LIW, or until Tanja quits!?

Prince Joachim and Marie say Screw it! "We're making our own traditions"! Is he really just talking about Christmas, or is this more long-term, as in: this is how we will rule Denmark if you just get over the Fred-love and overthrow his lazy arse!

Joachim and Marie have been tapped again to travel to China around the end of November, promoting Danish design and food. They will go to Hong Kong, Macao and Beijing. They'll open the Danish Design Jewellry exhibit that they also did last year in Hong Kong. No plans yet on whether lille prins Henrik will also go.

Daisy welcomed colleagues from the Danish Scenographers Society. Daisy knows how to maximise her quality of life: she has a passion for the theatre and nurtures her creativity and relationships. Studies have shown that one ages much faster without those interests (anything, people). Add on top of Mary's genetic death wish (mother had heart disease and grandmother dying from breast cancer at 42) and we may never see a pictish Queen on the throne!

Baroness Caroline announced that she is expecting a son with Nicklas Bendtner. She's expected to give birth at the beginning of December in London.

Society wedding! Baroness Caroline's step-brother, Count Frederik Krag-Juel-Vind-Frijs, was married to young Julie at the family castle, Valdemars Slot. All of Daisy's friends in the upper nobility came. There are Caroline's father and step-mother and half-sister in the lower lefthand photo on the second page. Sadly, neither Caroline nor her sister Duddi could come as Duddi had just given birth and Caro's about to. Both are in London.

"Biscuits and kisses in the snow". Victoria and Daniel had an outing in the snow of north Sweden, but it seems that Vickan took up most of the room on the card with her signature and didn't leave much place for Daniel's autograph. Lots of kisses and makeup for thatty. Daniel was presented with a married prince's cake, a local baking contest winner: "Wow, it's terrific!"

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