Happy Birthday, Mary! Thanks For the Laughs, the Blog Friendships, the Good Times: My Work Here Is Done: You Are Still a Loser. Good Luck With That.

"What? You'll be back. After all, it's ME!"

 

This is the last post of the Danish Royal Media Watch. Barring any head injuries or divorce announcements at the court of the Clown Princely Couple, this is it. One last chance to say goodbye and to thank you and Maz for all the good times.

Nota bene: there is no truth to the rumours that this blog has been shut down by Daisy, the Grey Men (tm), or any another person or entity. It's just time to move on and focus on wonderful life changes. I'm also finally tired of waiting for Fred to divorce and have no more energy for a dipshit fame whore from Tasmania as she brings Denmark closer to revolt and a republican form of government.

I hope Hester will pop up in the comments and give her two kroner on thissie, but I think she'd agree that the whole time she and I put this blog and the CPMary blog together, you all (both our friends and the sourpusses) have kept us going. Yrma may be the petrol that has fueled this motor, but you've been there to make us want to drive down this scenic royal road. Thanks for the fun, here and on RD. Most of you have been a delight to write for and have fun with. It's amazing to see how many people all across the world have followed the blog. Every funny and lovely comment was an uplifting joy to read. Nearly every pissy comment was pretty fun, too. As Derf is yet to discover, you can't fix stupid, but you can have fun with it! Thank you all.

Today is Mary's 42nd birthday. I still take no comfort in the fact that she is a woman who has arrived at middle age with every material comfort and extravagance at her disposal as a person with no sense of duty, no self-awareness, no empathy, no sense of obligation or responsibility except to her own vanity, with a jowly face full of fillers and as a truly corrupt and ineffective representative of the Kingdom of Denmark. She doesn't just suckle at the public teat; she demands more and better milk beyond anything she can drink. Mazza is a vapid, unimportant, uncaring, totally narcissistic tick on Denmark's arse, sucking up all the blood she can drink until the peasants realise they should pull this toxic insect out of their skin, yank its head off (metaphorically), then send it to the waste bin of history.

Mary, you will always be a loser.



I Said, LOOKER ME!: Yrma In Damage Control Mode: Marie Getting Positive Attention, International Panning of the Kluge Portrait, Bach Falling on His Sword, New Guy Ugly: What's a Bogan To Do?

Mary: "Boo! You love ME, the Children's Princess, not that awful French piece, don't you!?

Girl: "Listen, cupcake, if you think showing up with sugary snacks is all it takes to win you points, you got another thing coming."

 

 

So, Mary has been having Caroline and Tanja read her the papers and they're all swanning over "natural", "gentle", "warm", "lovely", "kind" Princess Marie and all of her domestically-oriented, child-welfare patronages, and over cute Mr. Bach who resigned in a haze of confusion about his actual role in a relatively tiny government scandal related to overspending which is just a little too adjacent to how MoreMore handles her own affairs, and how he won't be around to accompany Madam around the world on her personal MeMeMeMeMe junkets and how his replacement Rasmus Helveg Petersen is not flirt-worthy, and how Fred might or might not be either on a major bender, or in rehab, and finally, how the international press was gobsmacked by the recent Thomas Kluge painting, including random American fashion bloggers and others who otherwise would not care one wit about Danish royals, and how instead of being all totally "any publicity is good publicity" it backfired and now through the photo-realistic messaging, everyone is awaiting the fall of Rome, aka Copenhagen, because of this family of weirdo freaks and this makes weird Mary and her weird children and weird marriage not so worthy of the next sugary cover of No Idea.

 

So what does our marketing genius do? Hits another kindergarten - but this time with cupcakes! messaging: Mary is very comfortable around food - with a Rasputin type named Herr Skæg (Mr. Beard from DR's Ramasjang) to get some good PR and make people forget that stupid Marie and stupid Bach and stupid Dorky Face Peterson and stupid slag bloggers who don't know anything about art! Yeah, that's the ticket!

 

Careful, Mary, men with super long beards didn't work out so well for Czarina Alexandra!

 

 

Looker Me!: Yrma at Randergade School: What Scandalised PM/Travel Partner/Flirt? I'M the Children's Princess! See? SEE?

"Uh, you can LET GO NOW, beer man person."

 

 

What scandal? No scandal! Former Cabinet Minister Christian Friis Bach is still in Parliament. The man resigned BEFORE anything came to the surface. Fell on his sword for having lied about how much in travel expenses were approved for the Global Green Growth Institute (GGGI). That means he is either made of solid gold, or a complete idiot. We'll be paying attention.

 

But isn't it interesting that Our Man Friis Bach (the Danish press is generally praising him for his hasty retreat from wrongdoing), has spent a lot of time travelling all over the globe with the Clown Princess, staying in 5-star luxury hotels while "working" with Madam on the elimination of poverty and cruel living and social conditions for women, aka, helping Madam the Countess of Red Soled Shoes Plucked From Copenhagen's Finest Boutiques exploit and denegrate locals while seeking the title of The New Diana so that finally someone anyone anywhere will make her an international celebrity. It never stops with narcissists. So, who is investigating the extreme empty spendthrift holidays in foreign ports that Madam MoreMore takes?

 

The Mary Fund plays a very sketchy role in Mary's life and public relations. Who uses this organisation to give her money to do what exactly besides purchase lots of medals to put over the heads of kids who participate in the annual Copenhagen-based anti-bullying race The Mary Fund sponsors? Who pays for the boondoggles to Africa and South America? The Malaysian conference? Amber's visits to Europe or America? Mary's wardrobe as purchased in the US and other countries where she can't get away with leaving the shops with the merch under one arm like she does in Denmark? The Mary Fund does nothing but promote Mary with peanuts thrown to groups that are associated with Mary's own patronages. So why are groups like Carlsberg giving so generously as they did as recently as last week (see photo above)? We do know Madam isn't above helping Danish (and other) companies with a little publicity in exchange for dough. She learned the details back in Australia long before Derfie was eating cereal in his boxers on Mary's sharehouse sofa. Now she's got deep pockets to use her skills on. What will be the next step? For now, it is DISTRACT THE PEASANTS WITH MARY BEING LOVED ON BY CHILDREN AND CARING ABOUT HEART HEALTH.

 

 

 

Yrma La Douche Requests Meeting with USAID Chairman at Amalienborg: Flirts With US Ambassador, Mistakes Smart Brown Person for Mary-Ego Vehicle, Sponsors Meeting for Cameras, Will Do Nothing But Get Free Trip to US Out of It

"So, I don't see a wedding ring on that finger, Mr. Gifford-Ambassador-Cutie-Sir, hihihihi"

Maz,

Knock it off, for the love of Pete. Rufus Gifford is gay, Dr. Rajiv Shah doesn't care either, and you are no international saviour of anything but your ego. You weren't even on Shah's itinerary for this Scandinavian visit of his. Just because he's brown doesn't mean he needs your help! Just because he used to work for the Bill and Melinda Gates Foundation doesn't mean it will be that easy to become billionaire Melinda's next bestie (like she already is with the Norways). Quick, tell us what USAID does! Eh! Wrong, they are not the agency when you need aid to become a public figure in the US. Please employ actors who will teach you how to be a discrete, humble princess in Denmark. Focus your public "efforts" on a handful of strong, domestic issues and actually make them move forward instead of just showing up in New York City with a new outfit. No one cares what you do to your face, it's what you do to Denmark that matters.

Cheers,

Weary Danish taxpayers

"Did my darling friend Rufus here tell you how much I love The Browns?"

 

"I just returned from your home nation of Mexico, Mr. Shah. Such lovely Browns!"

 

Two Americans and a horse's ass!

 

 

New Thomas Kluge Portrait of Danish Royal Family: "Celebrating" 150 Years Today of the Glucksborg Dynasty: Boganborg Kids Are Gargoyles, Schackenborg Gets Off Easy, All Are Oblivious to the Destruction of Civilisation Behind Them (and Because of Them?): Symbolism, Ho!

Presented without commentary, although it should be noted that even The Fug Girls couldn't let this one pass. Commemorative book can be purchased here: Saxo


The Laurits Tuxen painting that inspired the new portrait, that of the family of King Christian IX at Fredensborg, with all children and grandchildren:

Yrma and Derf in Mexico, Day Three: Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

The Hand of Daisy? Or the Hand of the Danish Taxpayer?

 

 

So, on the last day of El Grande Tour de Mexico by the Saviour of Little Brown People and her husband thinggie, Madam drugged Fred for his business meeting at which he could barely stay awake, took the lead in speech giving, scared a poor little girl, and posed holding her Danish Government-mandated bouquet of posies with one hand seemingly luring Fred back into the fold, and another hand seemingly ready to pluck Mary back up into the Mother Ship to Planet Sociopathic Narcissist from whence she came.

 

Compare to the photos of the heir to the Spanish throne and his wife visiting Hispanic California the same day. Two elegantly dressed but non-flashy professionals, no lady-in-waiting, no mandated floral bouquets handed to the lady by scared children, no little paper Spanish flags being waved by bussed in school children, just two people working hard and seriously as dignified representatives of Spain, noble enough to allow others to be spotlighted, and smart and meaningful enough to get the CEO of Google to come meet with you and show off his company and latest products. Larry Page would NEVER leave his office for Derf or Yrma, the two Danish duds. Even Maz senses it not so deep down. Here on the last day in Mexico she wore the same Ralph Lauren dress she accessorised with Jackie O bug-eye sunnies, and matching hat, gloves, and shoes that wouldn't even stay on her bunioned feet because she refuses to wear stockings, but this time the outfit was considerably dressed down.

 

 

"Somebody help me!"

 

Yrma and Derf in Mexico, Day Two: The Danish Photoshop Crew Is Working Overtime to Present Madam in the Best Possible Light: Not Easy!

Wow! No more sun damage!

 

 

Dear Lene,

 

Listen, no more Latin America visits, okay? Yes, it's a vital, interesting, diverse part of the world, and Danish companies are there and it's all good and really nice people, don't get me started on the food, YUM. But here's the deal. The Photoshop crew cannot stop complaining about how sore their arms are from airbrushing Madam. We're going to start to have to pay out worker's compensation for workplace injuries on thissie. Two of our guys have their arms in slings already! And without sleep, since making Madam beautiful is a fool's errand at best, they are all getting punchy. I'm managing to keep them awake with the potent coffee here, but head's up for some serious overtime payments to this crew. We just initially assumed the gray hair and sun damaged skin would have to go, and a dewy complexion would replace it. Nuh-uh. The left ankle twitching is creating blurs in these high speed cameras, if you can believe it. I mean, it's going like a ceiling fan on high. It is taking A LOT of time to correct. Madam did do us a favour today and skipped out on one of her events, just like she left early from the charity event last night. So there are occasional saving graces. But her getting out in front of the cameras is her life's greatest mission, so there are rough days ahead.

 

Many thanks,

Minister Astrid Kragh