Happy Birthday, Mary! Thanks For the Laughs, the Blog Friendships, the Good Times: My Work Here Is Done: You Are Still a Loser. Good Luck With That.

"What? You'll be back. After all, it's ME!"

 

This is the last post of the Danish Royal Media Watch. Barring any head injuries or divorce announcements at the court of the Clown Princely Couple, this is it. One last chance to say goodbye and to thank you and Maz for all the good times.

Nota bene: there is no truth to the rumours that this blog has been shut down by Daisy, the Grey Men (tm), or any another person or entity. It's just time to move on and focus on wonderful life changes. I'm also finally tired of waiting for Fred to divorce and have no more energy for a dipshit fame whore from Tasmania as she brings Denmark closer to revolt and a republican form of government.

I hope Hester will pop up in the comments and give her two kroner on thissie, but I think she'd agree that the whole time she and I put this blog and the CPMary blog together, you all (both our friends and the sourpusses) have kept us going. Yrma may be the petrol that has fueled this motor, but you've been there to make us want to drive down this scenic royal road. Thanks for the fun, here and on RD. Most of you have been a delight to write for and have fun with. It's amazing to see how many people all across the world have followed the blog. Every funny and lovely comment was an uplifting joy to read. Nearly every pissy comment was pretty fun, too. As Derf is yet to discover, you can't fix stupid, but you can have fun with it! Thank you all.

Today is Mary's 42nd birthday. I still take no comfort in the fact that she is a woman who has arrived at middle age with every material comfort and extravagance at her disposal as a person with no sense of duty, no self-awareness, no empathy, no sense of obligation or responsibility except to her own vanity, with a jowly face full of fillers and as a truly corrupt and ineffective representative of the Kingdom of Denmark. She doesn't just suckle at the public teat; she demands more and better milk beyond anything she can drink. Mazza is a vapid, unimportant, uncaring, totally narcissistic tick on Denmark's arse, sucking up all the blood she can drink until the peasants realise they should pull this toxic insect out of their skin, yank its head off (metaphorically), then send it to the waste bin of history.

Mary, you will always be a loser.



I Said, LOOKER ME!: Yrma In Damage Control Mode: Marie Getting Positive Attention, International Panning of the Kluge Portrait, Bach Falling on His Sword, New Guy Ugly: What's a Bogan To Do?

Mary: "Boo! You love ME, the Children's Princess, not that awful French piece, don't you!?

Girl: "Listen, cupcake, if you think showing up with sugary snacks is all it takes to win you points, you got another thing coming."

 

 

So, Mary has been having Caroline and Tanja read her the papers and they're all swanning over "natural", "gentle", "warm", "lovely", "kind" Princess Marie and all of her domestically-oriented, child-welfare patronages, and over cute Mr. Bach who resigned in a haze of confusion about his actual role in a relatively tiny government scandal related to overspending which is just a little too adjacent to how MoreMore handles her own affairs, and how he won't be around to accompany Madam around the world on her personal MeMeMeMeMe junkets and how his replacement Rasmus Helveg Petersen is not flirt-worthy, and how Fred might or might not be either on a major bender, or in rehab, and finally, how the international press was gobsmacked by the recent Thomas Kluge painting, including random American fashion bloggers and others who otherwise would not care one wit about Danish royals, and how instead of being all totally "any publicity is good publicity" it backfired and now through the photo-realistic messaging, everyone is awaiting the fall of Rome, aka Copenhagen, because of this family of weirdo freaks and this makes weird Mary and her weird children and weird marriage not so worthy of the next sugary cover of No Idea.

 

So what does our marketing genius do? Hits another kindergarten - but this time with cupcakes! messaging: Mary is very comfortable around food - with a Rasputin type named Herr Skæg (Mr. Beard from DR's Ramasjang) to get some good PR and make people forget that stupid Marie and stupid Bach and stupid Dorky Face Peterson and stupid slag bloggers who don't know anything about art! Yeah, that's the ticket!

 

Careful, Mary, men with super long beards didn't work out so well for Czarina Alexandra!

 

 

Looker Me!: Yrma at Randergade School: What Scandalised PM/Travel Partner/Flirt? I'M the Children's Princess! See? SEE?

"Uh, you can LET GO NOW, beer man person."

 

 

What scandal? No scandal! Former Cabinet Minister Christian Friis Bach is still in Parliament. The man resigned BEFORE anything came to the surface. Fell on his sword for having lied about how much in travel expenses were approved for the Global Green Growth Institute (GGGI). That means he is either made of solid gold, or a complete idiot. We'll be paying attention.

 

But isn't it interesting that Our Man Friis Bach (the Danish press is generally praising him for his hasty retreat from wrongdoing), has spent a lot of time travelling all over the globe with the Clown Princess, staying in 5-star luxury hotels while "working" with Madam on the elimination of poverty and cruel living and social conditions for women, aka, helping Madam the Countess of Red Soled Shoes Plucked From Copenhagen's Finest Boutiques exploit and denegrate locals while seeking the title of The New Diana so that finally someone anyone anywhere will make her an international celebrity. It never stops with narcissists. So, who is investigating the extreme empty spendthrift holidays in foreign ports that Madam MoreMore takes?

 

The Mary Fund plays a very sketchy role in Mary's life and public relations. Who uses this organisation to give her money to do what exactly besides purchase lots of medals to put over the heads of kids who participate in the annual Copenhagen-based anti-bullying race The Mary Fund sponsors? Who pays for the boondoggles to Africa and South America? The Malaysian conference? Amber's visits to Europe or America? Mary's wardrobe as purchased in the US and other countries where she can't get away with leaving the shops with the merch under one arm like she does in Denmark? The Mary Fund does nothing but promote Mary with peanuts thrown to groups that are associated with Mary's own patronages. So why are groups like Carlsberg giving so generously as they did as recently as last week (see photo above)? We do know Madam isn't above helping Danish (and other) companies with a little publicity in exchange for dough. She learned the details back in Australia long before Derfie was eating cereal in his boxers on Mary's sharehouse sofa. Now she's got deep pockets to use her skills on. What will be the next step? For now, it is DISTRACT THE PEASANTS WITH MARY BEING LOVED ON BY CHILDREN AND CARING ABOUT HEART HEALTH.

 

 

 

Looker MeMeMeMeMe! Tour #9,582, Day Five: Yrma Fails In Her Efforts to Be a Shining Global Star of Any Consequence, Nor to Finally Get a "The Killing" Jumper From Sophie Gråbøl

Breast cancer survivor, actress and all-round rock star Sofie Gråbøl for the win!

 

 

Yrma is such a silly, shallow, competitive little narcissist. It's all about having all of those court-approved photographers Photoshop her ugly mug before public release into one that has skin so young and dewy, you'd think she were 10 years old. And buying the exact same kind of dress that she wore in Oz a couple of years ago but this time in a whiter white than the other dress's creamy white. And pulling Sofie Gråbøl into the picture to make sure she was photographed with the woman who presented Camilla with a Killing jumper but not one for herself, and haha Mary probably makes fun of Sofie's short hairdo. Guess what, Mary, Sofie is a rock star: her short hair is growing back in after having undergone chemo treatments for cancer. A million kroner says that Camilla has written a note to Sofie herself expressing her care and concern about her cancer diagnosis, and Mary has not. Mary is such a stupid cow.

 

The Mary Show continues in Oz, with the Crown Prince Couple's Prize being awarded outside of Denmark for the first (and hopefully last) time. All for Mary. Mary is the only one at the podium. Mary has orchestrated this entire Looker Me! Tour to showcase Her Mazzaness! Except it's just so sad - no one cares. Except for the poor Danes who are being force-fed a bunch of really bad and sugar-sweet articles that appear in the Danish press, even the serious Danish press. The collusion of the Danish Royal Family and the press is just revolting in Denmark. Unless of course, it will come back to bite a surprised Mary in her flat ass. Bread and circuses until then. And what a sad delivery system: Mary is a nothing and a nobody. She's shallow and vacuous and ill-mannered and self-centred and probably kinda stupid and definitely kinda dumb and very likely even a hard drinker herself given her Pictish roots, Danish location and pressure-filled life.

 

Poor, dumb Maz. She could have just relaxed and set about balancing all of the requisite glamour PR that goes along with royalty with support for her husband, and a thorough delving into Danish culture, language and lifestyle. But you can't change a narcissist's focus: herself. Mary will never have anything remotely resembling charisma or charm or gravitas or care or concern or compassion. She will never draw the world's spotlight to her as she so desparately wants. It's not just a funny trainwreck, a portrait of extreme hubris to be used as an example to us all. It's a sad commentary on the state of royal Denmark. Daisy's always been defensive and self-protected, but as a woman of intellect and culture and with a full knowledge of the power of history, there has been reason to be proud of her as a monarch, if not feel fully warm towards her as a person. Mary's got nothing, and she forced this family to be kind to her, to take her in, not to help them and live a comfortable, charming life, but to suck them dry, beat them up and spit them out. Careful, Daisy. You've got to take matters into your own hands and get rid of her before you are too old and weak to do it. Fred with help can be better, and if not, Joachim is your truly royal son, the Schackenborgs will make you proud. Denmark will survive.

 

Video: DR/Crown Prince Couple's Awards

 

 

Photos: Keld Navntoft, William West, David Gray, Brendon Thorne/Scanpix