Legoland: Thanks for the Product Placement!: Mary's Annual PR Freebie Advertising Holiday Payment/Deposit For Future Rides on the Lego Jet!

Mary and children on a kids only ride. Some animals are more equal than others.

 

 

After that revolting display at Graasten recently whereby everyone seemed to shun Madam La Boganista and her over the top helicopter pretend parenting, Yrma and Derf took all four children, a nanny, and Cousin Ingrid to LEGOLAND for their annual photo shoot in the park in exchange for all the rides on the Lego jet company CEO and royal family friend Kjeld Kirk Kristiansen (KKK!) will let them have. Mary may not have been a good advertising "executive" (junior assistant) for her Australian clients back in the day, but she sure as hell can keep up with lucrative personal endorsements that keep her and Lego (or Huggies, or Dulux paint, or Jetstar) in cotton wool and the spotlight. Mary's little "incidental" carrying of family supplies in a large yellow Lego bag on the slopes of Verbier must be repaid in the European summer when the Boganborg family hits the Lego amusement park just north of Graasten. After a painful family photo session during which Mary is shunned by her royal relatives (as politely as possible), the family pays their KKK patron back for his generosity of letting them have the Lego jet to fly to and from Scotland, Switzerland and other points here and there without paying a dime themselves. A family of GRIFTERS, and the children are lined up and destined to expect the same sort of undeserved conveyor belt of freebies since it's well known their stupid parents keep telling them how fucking special and unique they are.

 

 

Xian, Fred and their Lego minders

 

 

This photo below CRACKS ME UP! It's Mary pushing Vinnie with Josie being pushed by a nanny behind them, and their whole entourage being accosted by kiddos in wheelchairs with their mother naively assuming the Icon of Everything to please stop and greet their sweet babies. HA! Mary hates touch and being in the midst of a corral of people, and she's deeply uncomfortable with disabled people. You can just see her Papa Slurpson's maths Asperger's traits colliding with her social anxiety and lack of confidence. Ow!

 

Josie is a spitfire! Give her hell, girl! (Of course, the other way to look at this is that Josie is all Mary and therefore inherited her nastiness. Eek!)

 

 

Telling how Fred goes down the log ride with his sons and cousins, not his wife. Mary confiscated the nannies for herself. Ditch the offensive "Indian" headgear and we'll all be ok.

 

 

Madam really does not like human contact, does she?

 

 

Kind of like when this happened back in 2006, when she hit the Salamanca markets pushing baby Xian and getting accosted by vendors and hoi polloi. The same constipated look. Ew! Peasants! Suck it, Mary! You go to LEGOLAND for an annual advertising gig, you deal with the consequences.

 

 

 

Or when at an Australian Lego event, Mary got accosted by a couple of cute school girls and could NOT handle being touched. You can just see her brain saying, "This is for free flights! This is for free flights!"

 

 

 

Here is Mary from last year on a log ride with the CEO himself, Mr. Kjeld Kirk Kristiansen. Mary and KKK are discussing the Verbier photo shoot in February with some key product placement.

 

 

 

Et voila!

 

 

 

 

Verbier, Day 1: FAIL: Bogans on Parade: Just as Ridiculous and Ill-Organised As You'd Imagine: Preening Mary and Crying Miracle Twins: Brought To You By LEGO

Psst, Mary, careful, you might pop a stitch with all that facial straining!

This family is so predictable and totally chaotic. What a bloody mess. Isn't the whole point of a scheduled photo session with the royal children so that the photographers present could take photos of the family posing and everyone looking well dressed and cute and standing relatively still so as to project an image of a happy royal family ready for fun later on, out of the gaze of the photographers? Yeah, not from Madam La Comtesse to PR Fails. This session is further proof that for Mary, everyone else in the photos is a prop in The Mary Show.

The babies are crying part of the time and carried nearly the whole time as if to control them, even after the family decides to play on the little plastic sledges they like to use every year. You can't easily control children at this age. Did they not time this session to coincide with their best time of day? Who could imagine how stressful it is to grow up in a home with Mary in it? Mary of course cannot cope with crying babies, nor with being anything but the centre of attention (psst, Mary, be careful - when you look at your children when they are not being perfectly boring blobs of dough, your jowls really come out!). Yrma is of course the child in this gathering of the nuclear family, the members of which who barely know each other. Yrma is the one who plays on the sledge, and Izzy is the one to do the pulling! And further like a child, she mugs for the cameras, with self-consciousness and fake posing with her daughters. Nothing dignified or royal here, folks! Gah! Why for the photo session would she be so clueless and immature to allow for such a scene? What PR/marketing executive? The one who failed at the Apple/Buzzle/Llove campaign with Siimon Reynolds, supposing.

Bring on the Schackenborgs for Wednesday's photo session down the road in Villars-sur-Ollon! Let's see the grown boys, and lille prins Henrik on skis for the first time, and precious little Athena in her snowsuit trying to stand like she seems to be trying to do in her first birthday photos.

Photo Gallery: Pure People

Time Lapsed Video: YouTube - frightening! The whole megillah in speeded up format.

Product placement! This holiday brought to you by the Lego corporation!

 

 

 

Photos: Martin Høien/Billed Bladet, Albert Niepor/Scanpix