FAIL: NYC Celebrity Poverty Festivities!: Saviour of the World Princess Yrma La Douche Nervously Gets Her World Stage Groove on with Refugee-Hating Mr. Bach By Her Side: Looking For Bono and Hugh Jackman and Shoe Sales

from @marcscarpa's Instagram

Accompanied by "brown nanny" Tanja Kjærsgard Doky and Derf's Court Chief Christian Schønau, and of course, new bestie and favourite flirt Christian Friis Bach, Mary hit the Big Apple ready and anxious for the flowers at the airport, the waving fans on the car ride into the city, the cheering hoards waiting impatiently outside her 5 star hotel, and the reporters (English language only, please) shouting questions about how she managed to eliminate poverty and what designers she'll wear to the Opera House celebrations in Sydney in October.

In reality, Mary is still a little nobody at the United Nations, and her body language reveals her knowledge of that truth. That's because The Mary Fund is just that - a fund for promoting MARY! Not for actually helping people. That's how it goes with narcissists and sociopaths. Why, just ask Lance Armstrong who, like Mary, could lie without blinking, and soak up more and more riches. But even Lance actually rode his bike - drugged up for sure - through the French mountains. Where's Mary's "bike"? What does she do with that money? Why she goes to African countries and MENA countries and gets the locals to treat her like a visiting dignitary, then only "observes" anti-poverty and pro-women's groups doing whatever they're doing so she can get a photo-op to make people believe she really does something positive for humanity (not Denmark - eww).

Yesterday, Mary attended the High Level Task Force's meeting on female genital mutilation. No word on whether she gave a testimony of life with a Presque-zizi. Today, Mary got herself clearance to tag along on the Star-Studded Celebration of Global Poverty With The World's Most Elite Douchebags in Central Park. Her radar will be carefully honed for the people who mean something to her like Major Asshole Bono or Australians like Hugh Jackman and Nicole Kidman. What with motherfucking Harry coming to Oz and motherfucking baby George getting christened, Mary needs to reinforce the Australian publicity prior to her visit 27-28 October, and a photie with Kylie or Naomi or shit, even Jackie Weaver would help a sister!

Introduced by Barbara Bush, daughter of President Bush who himself was treated to a birthday party by Daisy several years back and who Mary met in Malaysia, Mary got on stage, nervously stood there, then said, "I can't see", which was picked up by the microphone. A few steps over to the left, she could finally see the teleprompter to begin her canned speech on gender equality. Lord have mercy. The oversized butterfly necklace was no doubt a nod to The Mary Fund (and therefore the real beneficiary of all this attention!).

 

 

 

It's a MARYGASM! Wha hae! "THIS IS WHAT I'VE BEEN WAITING FOR - GLOBAL ADORATION!!!" Except for the scowl due to facing the sun, and the less-than-overflow crowd of out of work Millenials, Mary is surely feeling pretty darn good right about now and is just waiting for her phone to start ringing off the hook.

Video: Billed Bladet - hilarious to hear the BB editor talk about how Mary had a very big slot at the festival!

"Yeah!"

 

Iron thighs and men's cut trousers do nothing for you, Mary! We've been shouting it for years!

Actually, it's Mr. Bach who has been on the run and doing most of the heavy lifting when it comes to governmental action on these important issues that the UN is trying to address. The Danish UN Mission's Twitter feed does not have ONE mention of Yrma, but they are plugging Bach on his busy schedule in NYC, even as he rides one of those ridiculous circular bikes that six people pedal together. Guess Madam had a massage and shopping session planned before her big concert debut and couldn't join him. Shame!

Mr. Bach at the main dias with no Saviour Mary in sight! Strange!

 

Panel discussion in front of suited biggies. No Saint Mary in sight! Weird!

 

Talking poverty with people he'd never want to emigrate to Denmark. No Mary anywhere!

Mary: "Yay, you're black! I love getting my photo taken with blacks. By chance, you poor, too? Oh, do you like my hair? I hope this is over soon. Barney's is having an AMAZING shoe sale!"

UN Delegate: "Honey, you know you're only here because your Prime Minster called in a favour, right?"

Oopsies! The stereotype of Denmark as a perfect welfare state with no one slipping through the cracks is not quite true. Things are getting bad for the poor there, and with this neo-liberal strain of governing going viral, and the global recession getting worse, real answers need to be found. This could be the ideal focus of The Mary Fund, but sorry! It's for MARY, not Denmark, see. Sowwy!

Fact Sheet: Børnesagens Fællesråd

Facts on Poverty in Denmark

Poverty in Denmark is not the same as poverty in Romania or Ethiopia.

The OECD has set a poverty threshold of relative poverty. According to this method you are considered poor if you earn less than half as much as the middle income in the country.

For a single person in Denmark, the poverty line is 105,423 kroner per year, or 8,800 per month. The amount is calculated after tax and is supposed to cover all expenditure such as rent, food , insurance, clothing, medicine, transportation, repairs, recreation, etc.

The number of poor people in Denmark has been increasing over the years, and there actually measures with the OECD poverty line, nearly a quarter of a million poor people in Denmark.

Of the nearly 250,000 Danes who live in poverty, there are 67,000 children. In 2002, the number of poor children was 42,000. Thus, there has been a growth in the number of poor children of almost 60 percent.

Looking at the long-term poor, that is, people who have been poor for over three years, the group is 105,000 people - or 62,000 children, not counting students. The group of long-term poor (excluding students) has risen by 80 percent since 2002.In total there are now 14,600 children who have lived for three consecutive years in poverty.

Poverty means that many Danish children must choose between healthy food in their lunchbox, the cinema, leisure activities, children's birthdays or warm winter clothing. For the children there is much for the carefree lives of play, laughter and togetherness, which is a given for most other children.

The largest group of poor children are the ones who grow up with a single parent, usually a mother, who receive transfer payments in the form of cash benefits, sickness benefits, unemployment or disability benefits. Transfer payments are not increasing at the same rate as everything else in society. The longer these children's parents are on benefits, the deeper poverty will be.

Anyone can for a month or two - or six months - clock in with a low performance. But when the low performance is her basis for years, problems arise with regard to accessing proper diet, to going on holiday or to the movies, paying rent and the replacement of furniture that breaks or natural wear up. Many single parents on benefits fail to go to the dentist, they do not buy prescription drugs and they do not hold or participate in family celebrations, requiring gift purchases. In this way, poverty also to isolation because they can not afford to be social.

In addition, poverty - in addition to being stigmatising - also tends to reproduce itself. Children of single parents have eight times more likely chance to end up as a municipal file case than other children. Children of single parents have significantly less chance to get an education - and thus a well-paid job - than other children. Children of single parents on benefits have a significantly higher risk as a 25-year-old to be on benefits than other children. Poor children become poor adults.

Denmark is also the only Nordic country where the poverty curve is not broken. In Norway, Finland and Sweden, poverty is declining.

Round shoulders, Mary! Careful, good posture makes you look more princess-y!

 

"MeMeMeMeMe? Hello? Anyone?"