Bien Jouée!: Gentle Princess Marie, the Children's Princess, Visits Hospital to Promote Clown Programme That Helps Little Patients Cope

 

 

Meanwhile, back at Ranch Denmark, the real Children's Princess visited a hospital in Sonderborg to launch the programme for clowns to work with sick children. Sonderborg is near Graasten, down the road from Møgeltønder, in the far corner of the Jutland region of Denmark. What better patronage for Marie than to spend time with children in hospital. This is a delicate kind of event, what with all these young people dealing with terminal or horrible illnesses and conditions. It demands someone of compassion and sweetness who understands the sensitive nature of the situation and respects the feelings of all parties involved. No wonder no one ever asked Mary to do this. She repels children! And would never set foot in the provinces unarmed or in the company of spontaneous little people thinggies. Mary makes children wrap her present in front of her, then serves them cake with a knife in hand!

 

Marie has had practice with this clown group in hospital before and she seemed to have passed any unintentional test with flying colours. Marie, you are a star!

 

Yrma and Derf in Mexico, Day Two: The Danish Photoshop Crew Is Working Overtime to Present Madam in the Best Possible Light: Not Easy!

Wow! No more sun damage!

 

 

Dear Lene,

 

Listen, no more Latin America visits, okay? Yes, it's a vital, interesting, diverse part of the world, and Danish companies are there and it's all good and really nice people, don't get me started on the food, YUM. But here's the deal. The Photoshop crew cannot stop complaining about how sore their arms are from airbrushing Madam. We're going to start to have to pay out worker's compensation for workplace injuries on thissie. Two of our guys have their arms in slings already! And without sleep, since making Madam beautiful is a fool's errand at best, they are all getting punchy. I'm managing to keep them awake with the potent coffee here, but head's up for some serious overtime payments to this crew. We just initially assumed the gray hair and sun damaged skin would have to go, and a dewy complexion would replace it. Nuh-uh. The left ankle twitching is creating blurs in these high speed cameras, if you can believe it. I mean, it's going like a ceiling fan on high. It is taking A LOT of time to correct. Madam did do us a favour today and skipped out on one of her events, just like she left early from the charity event last night. So there are occasional saving graces. But her getting out in front of the cameras is her life's greatest mission, so there are rough days ahead.

 

Many thanks,

Minister Astrid Kragh

 

 

 

 

 

Yrma and Derf in Mexico, Day One: Mazza Can't Hold Up the Beauty Bargain Faced With Abundant Latina Loveliness

Yes, Aztec god, yes, we know and we agree!

 

 

How funny to watch Mazza look so dowdy and self-conscious surrounded by all of the beauty of the Mexican ladies hosting the Derfie-Doodles. What do you bet her left ankle has been twitching since they landed in Mexico City? One thing is for sure, Mama Boganson never instructed her daughters to get fully dressed, then take off one piece of jewellery. Madam's got the whole south seas inventory on! (That's a Try Hard indicator, Mary, scale back!)

 

 

This floral top is a Dolce & Gabbana. It just looks old fashioned and dumb on Mary!

 

My, Mrs. Peña Nieto is certainly a lovely lady!

 

So petite, too! Thanks to Mazza's bulky frame, we can really see how tiny and feminine the first lady is. Mary is such a great foil to beautiful creatures.

 

"Fred, what are we doing in this scary monster museum? I don't get it?"

"It's Aztec, Mary, an ancient culture. I'll be over this way."

 

"Do you think she's prettier than me?"

"Do you really want that answer?"

 

"Fred, where are you going? I'm supposed to be out in front! They came for me!"

 

"Sorry, Maz. I'm the royal here, I'm in front."

 

Through clenched teeth: "Fred, don't wander off!"

 

"Oh, I'm wandering off, Mary!"

 

 

"My, that's a big phallus! An Aztec presque-zizi!"

 

"I know you're talking, but all I hear is blah blah blah, lady."

 

 

"Gotcha!"

 

"Hold me closer, dammit."

 

"Now look like we're in love!"

 

"That's quite enough, Mary. Off we go!"

 

"I'm not embarrassed by my husband's behaviour. I just can't move my upper lip."

 

"Smiling and clapping around children will give me my Children's Princess title back! Not like I ever wanted it, but I can't let Joachim's little croissant have it!"

 

"If I clap like this, it makes me look more delicate and feminine."

"Try again, Mary."

 

"I like to pretend my sausage fingers are delicate digits, and touching things is a coping mechanism."

 

"Hello little people! Don't be afraid of my man hands!"

 

"I hear you have a pressie for me!"

 

"Hola! Your minders told us to present you with a gift, even if it's useless."

"Yes, it's in my retainer to be given pressies everywhere I go. It reminds the peasants back in Denmark that everyone loves me."

 

"Did they find this on a back shelf, or something? Oh well. POSE."

 

 

"Your wife's a real piece of work, isn't she?"

"You don't know the half of it."

 

"Fred, I had the Royal Photo Imaging Travelling Crew put Vaseline on the camera lens for that youthful, dewy look!"

"Why isn't it working on your legs?"

 

"Don't worry, we'll skip out of here after an hour. It's only Danish super group The Raveonettes."