Yrma and Derf in Mexico, Day One: Mazza Can't Hold Up the Beauty Bargain Faced With Abundant Latina Loveliness

Yes, Aztec god, yes, we know and we agree!

 

 

How funny to watch Mazza look so dowdy and self-conscious surrounded by all of the beauty of the Mexican ladies hosting the Derfie-Doodles. What do you bet her left ankle has been twitching since they landed in Mexico City? One thing is for sure, Mama Boganson never instructed her daughters to get fully dressed, then take off one piece of jewellery. Madam's got the whole south seas inventory on! (That's a Try Hard indicator, Mary, scale back!)

 

 

This floral top is a Dolce & Gabbana. It just looks old fashioned and dumb on Mary!

 

My, Mrs. Peña Nieto is certainly a lovely lady!

 

So petite, too! Thanks to Mazza's bulky frame, we can really see how tiny and feminine the first lady is. Mary is such a great foil to beautiful creatures.

 

"Fred, what are we doing in this scary monster museum? I don't get it?"

"It's Aztec, Mary, an ancient culture. I'll be over this way."

 

"Do you think she's prettier than me?"

"Do you really want that answer?"

 

"Fred, where are you going? I'm supposed to be out in front! They came for me!"

 

"Sorry, Maz. I'm the royal here, I'm in front."

 

Through clenched teeth: "Fred, don't wander off!"

 

"Oh, I'm wandering off, Mary!"

 

 

"My, that's a big phallus! An Aztec presque-zizi!"

 

"I know you're talking, but all I hear is blah blah blah, lady."

 

 

"Gotcha!"

 

"Hold me closer, dammit."

 

"Now look like we're in love!"

 

"That's quite enough, Mary. Off we go!"

 

"I'm not embarrassed by my husband's behaviour. I just can't move my upper lip."

 

"Smiling and clapping around children will give me my Children's Princess title back! Not like I ever wanted it, but I can't let Joachim's little croissant have it!"

 

"If I clap like this, it makes me look more delicate and feminine."

"Try again, Mary."

 

"I like to pretend my sausage fingers are delicate digits, and touching things is a coping mechanism."

 

"Hello little people! Don't be afraid of my man hands!"

 

"I hear you have a pressie for me!"

 

"Hola! Your minders told us to present you with a gift, even if it's useless."

"Yes, it's in my retainer to be given pressies everywhere I go. It reminds the peasants back in Denmark that everyone loves me."

 

"Did they find this on a back shelf, or something? Oh well. POSE."

 

 

"Your wife's a real piece of work, isn't she?"

"You don't know the half of it."

 

"Fred, I had the Royal Photo Imaging Travelling Crew put Vaseline on the camera lens for that youthful, dewy look!"

"Why isn't it working on your legs?"

 

"Don't worry, we'll skip out of here after an hour. It's only Danish super group The Raveonettes."