Contrast: Europe, The Week of 16 September 2013: The Yin Yang of The Slip Inn Curse: Leave Alone and Find Happiness Later Or Be Sucked Dry Forever By A Toxic One-Night Stand

One week in the life of some of Europe's crowned heads, all of whom are more or less the same age -  royal men and their beautiful, multilingual, loving partners at the peak of their lives in their early to mid 40s. Rejoice in their health, happiness and dedication to duty! Enjoy their relaxed, respectable styles, lovely manners and personal warmth! Breathe a sigh of relief that Europe's constitutional monarchies are in good, solid hands!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Derf & Yrma to Norway to Celebrate Haakon's 40th Birthday: Why Do They Bother? They Only Get Shown Up By Haakon and Mette-Marit's True Love and Well-Behaved, Pretty Children

Danish sourpuss arriving!

 

 

Why do these two even bother to show up at these parties where the quasi-jet set and very gorgeous Norwegian people will be in abundance? OK, we know Freddles and Haakon are united in their Scandinavian crown princely status, and Haakon at least has made kindly overtures of friendship toward Derfie as in asking him to be his Best Man, and in trying to save him from drugs and Mary on Arctic detox adventures with Victoria. Plus, Frex loves a party and heard there would be a lot of blondes in attendance. What's Mary's motivation? Thinking that this is another chance to make the Daily Mail's website? To be a thorn in Fred's side? She's not in Mette-Marit's girls club with Marie-Chantal, Rosario de Bulgaria and Gwynnie Paltrow. Mary's friends include formerly poor and middle class holograms like Baroness Helle Reedtz-Thott who hosted the clown prince couple recently for a ballet performance at her Gavnø Castle. What a drag for all the guests to have this Danish sourpuss show up and expect to be entertained, then retreat to the corner to pout alone when no one will talk to her. Sigh. It's so hard being Mary.

 

 

 

Plus, Madam must be really taken back by the authentic and spontaneous displays of love and affection showed by Haakon and Mette-Marit. This ain't faked! That love clearly extends to their children, including the very tall and handsome Marius, who seem calm and non-anxious. And how adorable is Ingrid Alexandra who gave an impressive and cute speech to kick off Haakon Fest 2013. At the end, she says a line in English that is well-pronounced and accented in such a way that proves that she's knowledgeable in English. Telling that Xian and Izzy weren't invited; guess they're all not actually so close at all.

 

Can't fake this. Get a room, you crazy kids!

Video of Ingrid Alexandra's bilingual speech: VG

Also a highlight of Haakon's 40th birthday is a film that was released today. Haakon is interviewed by a Norwegian journalist about his age, and they talk on the front steps of the palace, they travel to Haakon's military barracks, and to California where Haakon goes surfing in Santa Cruz, gets stopped by a cop for speeding, and has trouble finding the house he lived in while at Berkeley. They also interview Victoria and Frederik. As Scandinavians do, everyone spoke their own language and they all understood each other. Except you wonder if the Norwegian interviewer understood Frederik at all. Our boy isn't the most articulate person in Denmark and Danes sometimes have trouble understanding him! Toward the end is wonderful footage of the king, Haakon and Ingrid Alexandra touring the official rooms at the royal palace and the older men talking to the young girl about their family business. (Although bright and articulate, someone needs to get IA into ballet and/or comportment classes, that inverted duck walk does nothing for her appeal.)

Video of Haakon's 40th birthday film "On the Road to a Reign": NRK

Derf on the far right

You can tell it's Fred from the French flag on the sleeve...

 

...and the hand that's about to go down his pants

 

Martha Louise, her youngest daughter and Constantijn on the far right

 

Cute play between Constantijn and ML's little one

 

Uncle Constantijn clearly has a nice relationship with ML from her Netherlands days

 

 

King Harald and Willem Alexander

 

 

Prince Jaime of Bourbon-Parma

 

 

Sisters in law who really like each other!

 

 

Hurry Fred! Shows starting!

 

Gotta get away from Madam (far left)

 

And find that blonde!

ML made a very loving and emotional speech for her brother

 

 

FASCINATING segment as Fred and Mary come toward the stage from separate directions, Mary chomping on food or cleaning her teeth with her tongue. No wonder Fred's done with Mary - she is seriously mentally ill, going between looking for cameras, and using her social Tourette's. What an embarrassment. No wonder Maxima was standing half a mile away!

 

 

Mary and her jowls enter from the right, while Fred notices the blonde with a bare shoulder

 

 

Mary's approaching, but Fred is oblivious to all but Miss Blondine

 

 

Mary makes her move toward a smiling Fred engaged with pretty blondes

 

Fred notices the circling shark, his smile disappears

Mary looks back to the cameras, Fred seems to plead with MM to help

 

Fred moves very far over to the right

 

Mary catches up to him and bizarrely wraps him in a blanket

 

Fred manages to fling off the blanket and stay calm to diffuse his strange wife.

 

 

No wonder Maxima decided to stand so far away from the Danes!

 

 

"I'll find Maxima. If Fred won't talk to me, I'll make her!" 

 

This is a family.

Photos: NRK

Daisy and Henri Send Derf Off to Greenland For Male Bonding Hooey, Beg Benedikte to Babysit Mary 'Looker Me!' Boganson at Phony Ascot Event, Then Settle In To Party Professionally With Fun, Happy Dutch Sovereigns!

This woman's face says it all. Over it!

 

 

Daisy's job in this regard is easy: to distract Yrma, dangle phony British, C-list equestrian events in front of Madam and watch her take the bait to accompany your sister (Benedikte must have really owed Daise) to rainy cold Germany to wave to peasants! With Benedikte around, Mary definitely goes into Beta mode, but with all the Scottish weather and horsey related distractions, Benedikte will earn a medal for not eye-rolling when Mary is trying to out-princess Kate, Beatrice and Eugenie. To distract Derfie, Daisy just has to dangle faux masculine, talk dirty with yer mates, Greenlandic camping in front of him and in a heartbeat, wave goodbye to the steamer ship that sends him sailing north. Easy peasy. With those losers out of the country, have some fun by enjoying the company of darling Dutch cousins Willem-Alexander and his fabulous wife Queen Maxima with your articulate younger son and his French wife! Even if there is some pain in watching Alex step so easily and proudly into his role as a young king with his supportive and smart wife beside him. It's so obvious to the Danish queen: Derf is not ready for primetime and vacuous, rude Mary's been no positive influence on him, and Denmark will be better off if Daisy lived another twenty years.

 

 

Daisy: "Alex! They're not here! w00t w00t! We can all relax and have fun!"

Alex: "YES!"

 

Daisy: "I'm in such a better mood with them gone. Soon darling Joachim will be here with Marie!"

 

Marie: "I'm a little tired, Athena is teething and lille prins Henrik is at THAT AGE, but I can't wait to see Cousin Alex and darling Maxima!"

 

Joachim: "C'mon, you all know it's true: I'm a better example of a Danish prince than my bumbling brother."

 

Henrik: "Oh, my dear girl, remember us dancing in Norway and you were pregnant and our tummies were the same size?"

 

Henrik: "Don't worry, they're both in foreign countries, so no pop-in scares or tongues down throats right next to you!"

 

"Hi, I'm Little Mary Boganson."

 

"They made a Danish minister come with me cuz something something they didn't trust her alone."

 

"I wish Mr. Bach were here!"

 

"Now, then, Madam, let's see if you can write your name."

 

"Aw, look at that. Only 4 letters and you've still misspelled it!"

 

 

Maruy. FAIL.

  

"Just smile and nod, Mary, it'll be over soon."

 

"Hm, are there any cameras up there?"

 

"Too bad there are no people to soak up my wonder!"

 

 

"What dat? Excuse me ladies, but I'm trying to be relevant."

 

"Cameras at 2 o'clock! Cue the fake, coy laugh, 3, 2, 1"

 

"Aren't you glad to meet me?"

 

"Try to reign it in, Mary. Bene's here and she'll be reporting back. Give Daisy NOTHING."

 

"Dark clothing and unseasonly matchy matchy purse and shoes. I hope everyone notices my CHIC!"

 

"Pff, we have better fountains in Hobart."

 

"Where is that cameraman going? I'm over here, mate."

 

"I'm wearing a really expensive brooch. I hope everyone notices."

 

"Pff, my sister Patty does aerobics, too. Next!"

 

"Cue the I Love Animals look, hold the horse, turn head down. Try to look soft."

 

"OK, soft doesn't work. Stick out the ol' baboon bum. We'll just try different shots with the horse."

 

The proper way to commune with a horse.

 

Nathalie is so over it.

 

Psst, Mares, legs together, girl.

 

"I'll give the cameras a little Mary Candy! Uplift on the swan neck and a better angle on my new pouty upper lip!"

 

"OK, now look contemplative and seductive!"

 

"Um, ok, this horse thing is going away soon, right? He's blocking my cameras."

 

"Tune her out and look blankly into the distance. Ascending stairs is very romantic and Bronte-esque, whatever that is. Tanja told me about it."

 

"Hihihihi. Tee hee. I so cute."

 

"I love a dramatic signature shot! M-A-uh, R-Y, right? Phew!"

 

Aw, Mary matched her bra to her eyeshadow to her nail polish!

 

"Lots of head cocking, Mary! It's VERY Kate. The Daily Mail WILL notice."

 

"Hihihi. Cameras everywhere!!"

 

"That person needs to be noticing ME. Coo-coo! Look over here!"

 

"I may not have understood her, but that won't keep me from maniacally laughing to show everyone how much the Danish royals LOVE me. Hihihihihihi!"

 

"Let's see, how does Maxima wave?"

 

 

"Max Markson is under contract to show this to the queen. The REAL one - in England! See, Liz? We are made of the same stuff! Invite me to things!"

 

"Hm, maybe these 4 inch heels were a bit of a mistake on soggy soil."

 

"Nah. My legs never looked better! I'll walk in front of Benedikte so people notice me more!"

 

Meeting Eurovision winner Emmelie de Forest (so wish it had been good friend Emilie Jerichau!)

 

Stained jacket. Nice, Mary.

 

"Too much jewellery? Check! Bat shit crazy amount of makeup? Check!"

 

 

Meanwhile, Derfie uses his new whip to open a bottle of champagne. Manly! Sportif! Hihihi.

 "Me and me mates! Hard drinking, tough talking and rough living. Until I get home to Mary and find out how I screwed up and have to grovel and buy her jools until she lets me out of the basement."

 

 

"Hm, maybe I should take this whip home and use it on Mary! Ooooh, no, no. She'd think it were a sex toy for 'riding lessons'. Can't risk thatty!"