Billed Bladet #3: The Twins Go Home!

As with the previous issue, BB dedicates the first 20 pages to the twins birth. You wouldn't think that the 4th and 5th in line to the throne would merit this kind of attention. But look closer because if Mary's position weren't on the line and her behaviour no longer tolerated but despised, they wouldn't get this much attention. Remember the reverse rule of Danish Royal Press Coverage: the more the photos and sugary love, the more precarious Mary's position as a royal.



BB didn't have many good shots to work with on leaving hospital with the little ones, and Mary's makeup was worthy of a corpse, so we get what we get. Mary's facial expressions are funny. She goes from deliberate serenity to overcompensating laughter to trying hard to keep cool when the Aussie reporters ask honest questions that Mary thinks are cheeky and designed to put her on the spot. Careful, Mary! If Australian media dominance is the goal, you must try not to look so seething when you are asked about Queensland's floods. Oh, and careful what country you refer to when you say "home"; the queen is listening! And we don't mean Elizabeth!





A close-up and early personality profile of the boy. Only Mary would dog her children with negative characteristics so early. The boy is "tempermental". So, will he end up as unloved and ignored as Izzy who got the same label? BB thinks he looks like Xian, albeit without Xian's eyeliner. Now, THAT is a put down!





The girl's turn in the spotlight. BB thinks - as do many of us - that she looks like Isabella. Which naturally means she will look like the royal side of the family. Xian is all Boganson. The girl is described as "gentle". Poor thing, she's squinting with fear in checking out her mother! You would, too! BB says that if you believe astrologers, this little one will also enjoy being in the centre.





When she left Hobart, Jane sure did pack the sexy - bogan-style! Hey hey hey! Work that MILF outfit, Jane-y, Craig ain't around! Wow, thigh-high boots, patterned stockings, tight mini (Jane is 46) and an uncanny Boganson eye for a camera and a little taste of sister's sticky-out bum bum. Is that one of Mary's old purses? Jane also picked up another hand-me-down while in Copenhagen: Fred's Vancouver Olympics parka!





Oh dear! Professor Half-Mast Signet-Pinkie-Ring Sluuuuuuuurrrrrrrpppppppson's father looks like his head came in batter form, was poured into a loaf pan and baked into a brick! And there's Mary's "dear granny" and namesake, Mary Elizabeth. Much more pleasant dealings on the other side of the paper!





A little note that Mary supposedly took Izzy to the ballet for the first time only 9 days after giving birth. Something tells me this is pure BB BS. Even if Mary's twat is large enough to cough the twins out, she took a week to leave hospital, why on earth schedule the kiddo's first ballet two days later. Jane was supposedly also there. I think the rule with Mary is that if there are no photos, it didn't happen. She can't do anything without alerting the media!



Fred dropped the kids off at kindy Thursday before Mummy's grand exit. Xian insisted on taking in his Ninja Turtles doll and Transformers robot. Isn't that 15 years past its popularity date? Are these also hand-me-downs from Jane's kids? And look at the nannies who picked them up - they look like the teenagers next door. No, these kids are doomed. Slack-jawed teeny boppers aren't going to properly instruct the future king and the runner-ups on proper royal behaviour and conduct. The evidence is clear: royal children eating pizza slices while walking in the street. Nice, Mary.



All photos of Mary and Fred leaving hospital with their children, 2005 for Xian, 2008 for Izzy and 2011 for the twins.





Has any other royal ob-gyn team POSED for a formal portrait?! Yep, Mary's going down. Only in Denmark would one turn the medical team into superstars for the 4th and 5th in line to the throne that just slid out of Mary's twat Life of Brian-style. This is just bad perfume to cover up Mary's stinky scent! Even Mary's own eyes are watering up! She's losing immunity to her own stench!





Well well well! This is a reward for having lived through the first 20 pages of BB's weekly Mary drivel: we have here the luscious Katja in gala and the beautiful Letizia in a pretty shade of blue. Oh, Katja, how beautiful you look in your modern tiara, up-do, and shapely but not obscene dress. Well done, girl! And on the other page we see Frex friends Ellen Hillingsø and Rose Gad to get us used to Katja not only with other European Crown Princesses, but with Fred's gang. Good fit! And nice touch to have a manly, sniveling Anja staring straight at Katja with confusion. You'll soon be looking for a new job, Anja, because Crown Princess Katja won't be needing your services!!





Adorable lille Henrik accompanied his parents over to the castle of friends Count Michael and Countess Caroline Ahlefeldt-Laurvig-Bille for the Potato Council meeting. Michael's castle Egeskov is one of the 5 farm properties along with Schackenborg that make up an independent agricultural endeavor.





The noble wedding that both Katja and Daisy's friends attended. It is nice indeed that Katja's circle and Daisy's are closing in on each other. This will make the post-Mary transition for Fred and the DRF so much easier!





The Royal Mailbag indicates that if you want a DVD of Victoria and Daniel's wedding, please go to www.cdon.dk or www.discshop.se or www.ginza.se. It will cost 150 kroner ($25 more or less). Also, please look at the photo of the royal guards accepting gifts on behalf of the twins. Mary and Fred could have and should have been much more forthcoming about how gifts would not be necessary and even gone so far as to sponsor little art contests or charitable hospital funds raising for the public to channel the public's energies. But no. If Mary weren't royal, she would be one of those women who feels entitled to a baby shower for the 4th kid, too.