Billed Bladet #27: The Monaco Wedding

Billed Bladet presents the Monaco wedding as both a relief to give you non-Mary news, but to keep up the side by pretending that it is the "Danish Dream Team" that stole the show on the Mediterranean. Darling Marie got to meet lots of new royal cousins, and was probably highly relaxed and comfortable in a Frenchie context, but Our Man Mary was noticeably unrelaxed, agitated and vibrating with negative & needy energy. The princely brothers they are married to reflect their wives' moods.



During William and Catherine's wedding, BB asked Mary's dress designer Uffe Frank for his opinion on Kate's Alexander McQueen dress. His verdict: an emphatic "ugh!", saying that it wasn't as nice as Mary's. Narcissism, anyone? So, for the Danish fashion designer take on Charlene's dress, BB turned to Jesper Høvring who has no problem praising Armani's design. This Anything To Make Mary Look Good business is very unappealing!





The civil wedding the day before the religious service.





The royal guests arriving.



Looks like Haakon & Mette-Marit and Maxima & Willem-Alexander were planning at day on the beach or out on a boat and had to endure the Danish crown princely couple tagging along. Could Mary look any more tense!? MM and Max look ready to relax and enjoy their downtime, but what a nasty presence Mary seems to be.



The Friday night cocktail party. Mary's hairdo is a major FAIL. She looks even more butch than normal, and this despite a very pretty, draped dress.





While the bridal couple were at a Jean-Michel Jarre son et lumière show near the port, the royals were treated to a cocktail party at the Hotel Hermitage.



Mary glued herself to Camilla de Bourbon Deux-Siciles, the wive of Josephine's godfather Carlos. Camilla and Carlos a few years ago visited their friends Bashar and Alma Al-Assad in Syria and bestowed the Order of Francis I on this tyranical murderer. Nice connections, Mary!



Some of the guests leaving the hotel at the end of the weekend. Marie looks lovely in blue. No surprise she was bid farewell with a gallant baisemain. Mary doesn't have the charm or French language skills to endear herself to the more chauvanist francophone populace on the "Rocher". Vive la difference!





In this week's fashion pages, Danish bridesmaid Isabell Christensen is cited, as well as the wive of one of turkey baster twin Princess Josephine's godfathers. Marie's cute cotton dress & Panama hat combo is a winner for casual chic, and Mathilde's emerald green dress is incredibly flattering. If the stiff robot in the bright pink dress could just relax, she might look fine. Too bad that Mary isn't allowed to take the rubies out of Denmark, but did the glue-on pearls all fall off, or does she realise how bad her little tiara looks with them? Desparation gives off quite a stink!







BB relishes telling you that Freddie's brocade vest was a gift from ex-girlfriend Maria Montell. No wonder Mary was discombobulated!



Mary's giant tear drop necklace laced with pink and blue drops symbolising her children's tears is by Charlotte Lynggaard.



BB seems to be enjoying the Will and Kate show since this is the only young royal couple who can take North America by storm.





The special supplement on the Monaco wedding.

Billed Bladet #26: To Graasten or Not To Graasten

So BB is definitely trying to play both to Team Daisy and to Team Mary by whitewashing whatever nonsense is going on in the palace corridors. First, there is the report that the Crown Prince and Crown Princess will not be reporting to Graasten this year for the annual summer holiday of the Danish royal family. But since the person who dropped that bomb was Trine Villemann who wrote the scathing book "1015 Copenhagen K" on the inner workings and machinations of the royals, you can bet that Mary will do her best to be in Graasten if only to prove Trine wrong. Ironic considering that Mary came out of Trine's book looking the best of the bunch! So, BB doesn't confirm Fred and Mary's presence, but does imply that the whole family will be together at Farmor Daisy's. Again, very funny since Graasten was given to Fred! Mary must be pretty mad and still resentful of the cold shoulder she got last year after announcing a twins pregnancy on the same day as Rosenborg cousin Countess Ruth's funeral.



Richard and Ingrid's expressions say it all - get me outta here!





Photos from over the most recent summers of the Graasten crew.





The week's fashion awards go to Princess Marie and The Duchess of Cambridge! Mary who?





Daisy continues to exercise her artistic talents by designing and watercolouring costumes for The Nutcracker for the Royal Danish Ballet. Is Mary's hobby of shopping going to be fulfilling enough to carry her into old age and earn her the respect of her countrymen and women? Mary has no culture. Even Fred has an artistic sensibility, being into design, art and theatre.





No Mary in the Royal Mailbag. No appearance in Style Finder or Bubbles, either. She's quite a bore, that Australian bogan.



Love the headline! "Mary: I'm a Simpleton". BB is very sly! Note how Mary's sheer shirt is poofing out of her trousers gap, exposing plumber's crack. (A dangerous thing, given how Mary's masculine build could lead to people confusing her with those who practice the manual labour arts.) Note how the Duchess of Cambridge manages never to allow this to happen, wearing clothing that won't broker such unattractive gaps.





Beautiful Frex Ex Katja Storkholm is still looking hot and sexy as she attended a young lady's confirmation party in a cute little black dress from Chanel and a funky jacket from the Spanish island of Mallorca. Very boho-aristocratic sartorial touches blending the high brow with the ethnic, and attending the party of a new Lutheran - how royal! Queen Ingrid is smiling from above.



Darling Princess Marie has passed the final exam for being a volunteer rescue worker! She had to scale down 5 floors of a building in pouring rain. That's quite a fearless feat! Way to go, Marie!



Princess Madeleine is still dating Chris O'Neill. They are, after all, the only two people in Manhattan who still smoke. Process of elimination, eh?





BB is gearing up for the successful North American tour of The Duke and Duchess of Cambridge. BB's thirst needs quenching since Dumblederf and Morey Antoinette have failed to garner any attention during their visits to the US and Canada for the Olympics.





Billed Bladet never had much fun at all with the ugly Donaldson sisters and their roughly mannered, media-shy brother, so they are in seventh heaven telling you all about Britain's most eligible lady, Pippa Middleton, and how she's so self-assured and walking in her older sister's footsteps.





A terrific aerial view of Monaco with the key wedding locations highlighted. Mary and Fred stayed at the Hotel de Paris and the Friday night cocktail party for the royals was held at the Hermitage Hotel.