Enjoy the Freak Show. We're off to have a drink!
Oy. What a show. Daisy's medicated and only shows nothing more than a neutral facial expression except when her beloved Henri is nearby. She even seems to dazingly look at her bogan grandchildren with pity and acknowledgment that their lives are stressed and emotionally difficult. The Schackenborgs showed us that they are a unified family, with respect for natural divisions (Marie is loving with Alex's boys but respectful of their space as pre-teen boys) and lots of love and doting on the youngest two by all four of the others. The poor Klein-Ellguth kids seem to realise that they are backdrops this day to The Crazy Cousin Mary Show, a real shame since their young lives have just changed radically - they have moved from their longtime home in Paris to a new house in Germany with both parents currently jobless.
There are some sweet moments between Fred and his children, especially an adorable set of interactions with Princent, his little "Mini Mig". But mostly, this year's session was just like previous sessions: everyone including the children doing their best to avoid and/or not upset Clown Princess Mary, and Yrma herself doing her best to let you know she and Kate Middleton are spiritual sisters, she is a total yummy mummy, she is a total hands-on mother, she is loved and adored by her husband/in-laws/friends/children, and that she is Australia's best export (please note the YouTube video below with sycophantic Aussie photographer). Even newly sobered Carina Axelsson's not buying it! Carina was probably relieved to have Marie come into the family - finally a same-age-ish girlfriend she could cling to who didn't suck the life out of her. It works. You can see in these photies that everyone has chosen a side: Team Schackenborg. No one goes near Mary, and everyone seems to cater to Marie and her family's concerns. Things are getting tribal!
Mary is a disgusting pill. It's allllllllll about her, innit? Looker me! Looker me! Predictably wearing a shapeless blue dress and Kate-esque white espadrille heels (Aussie flag colours as well as Kate favourites!), she never once tried to pull up the runaway shoulder that kept sliding down her left arm. That's how you know it's a purposeful show - normal people tug at their wayward clothing. Sister Mister has to take it to the next level and lean over and flash her dark strapless bra with a little side of bare shoulder. Crikey! With about three inches of gravitational pull on her ratty orange hair dye, swept back with a tiny drugstore banana clip, the overall effect is much more bogan than she realises.
It's pretty clear she sucks the energy out of the crowd, and that she is anathema to this gang of royals. You should be most relaxed with your family, especially if you are someone who has all of the material things that we're told should make a satisfying life: a partner, four bubs, in-laws who approved of you at least at one point in time, people to cook, clean, and organise her life, clothes, unearned and unimaginable privilege, and the stalwart affection of the Danish media and most of the population. You should be able to relax now! But no, Our Mary just keep on spinning in her self-centred circles and trying to churn up notice and publicity for herself. Good luck with that Aussie Princess thing, Mary. Popcorn will be ready for your Sydney Opera House show in November!
Would have been lovely to ask Athena to join them, but that's too considerate.
Never think Madam isn't ever at the ready with a boop-boo-pi-doo shot!
Yeah, that'll be a great photie. Where's your long lens, Mary? Only for the Poors?
Cute kiss blowing, Jo, but you're next, tiger.
Take it easy, Iz. You should not have to work this hard for attention and positive strokes!
In light of all that, THANK GOD FOR THIS. Say what you will about Henri, but holy moly, he loves his grandchildren and is loyal and supportive. Izzy, there is hope. Learn French! It'll alienate Mor.
Talk to Auntie Maxima, darls, about the time she was pregnant and danced with Grandpère!
Soaking up Grandpère's affection like a sponge while MoreMore overacts and fusses with Jo for the cameras. Note Marie keeping her self and all her cubs at arm's length from the Freak Show.
Nice to see Daisy holding the hand of a small descendant. She really must be drugged for her back.
Daisy's Cher Henri is really the only who ever gets this sort of smile, isn't he?
Fred can't even walk with his wife, but it does allow good catch up time with the Berleburg cousins.
Notice how everyone is staying away from Madam La Boganella!
Off to the races for the boys. Yrma's competitiveness will seep in further as they get older.
Cute snaggletooth. Over posing, yep, but sister needs attention. The cycle continues.
You go, Jo. Walk on your own and away from that monstrosity!
Xian scratching himself ruins an otherwise rare shot of a loving granny!
Those are some serious horse pills Daisy's on. Alone with children, she doesn't know what to do now. Have a seat, old girl.
It's like Fred is heading toward the gallows having to be near his wife-thinggie.
You'd bring up the rear, too, with Crazy Auntie Mary around. Distance is the best tack with sociopaths!
All of Mary's children are props. Just let the kid seat herself or ask a rello to help.
Derfie gets a bad rap most of the time, and often well deserved, but honestly, how can you not believe under that dazed and confused exterior there isn't someone who truly loves his children and wants them to be royal foils to their own bogan genes. Is Princent the cutest, or what?
Nice! La Petite Athena gets some big brother time and is introduced to Cousin Izzy.
Izzy is genuinely sweet, which is why it's so heartbreaking to see her whack home life on display.
Yay, Grandpère to the rescue!
The tulle underskirt is more troubling than the undies. A party dress for an outdoor photo shoot? Play clothes next time, Madam. Unless this was a freebie in exchange for publicity?
"I'm on such strong pain pills for my back, I barely notice being surrounded by little people! La-la!"
Xian is trying hard to reconcile Marie the person who cares about how he behaves, and Marie the Witch who his mother is always carrying on about.
Yep, I know what side I'd rather be on!
FEEL THE LOVE
Billed Bladet must have offered Madam a free fur or bicycle in exchange for a photo of her holding her man. Fred always lets down the side in ridiculous situations by giggling.
Darling Athena doesn't seem quite ready to walk without letting go.
The nice members of the family see this and extend helping hands.
Under the watchful gaze of Maman, she heads toward Grandpère and the Sad Cousins.
Sees the writing on the wall, and goes back to Papa.
Mary thinks fake laughing/bonding with Jo will distract you from that Athena thinggie.
That is a shit bad roots job, Mares!
Is Søren not still working for her? Or is she trying to get pregnant with the Miracle Triplets?
A Swedish magazine noticed that when you get closer you see...
A band from his Afghanistan visit, and a "46664" for Nelson Mandela!
One for the Schackenborg picture frames!
Pretty sure we've never seen this kind of maternal concern and affection from La Boganista!
Princent will look just like Fred when he's older.
Give 'er hell, Josie!
"I didn't tell Yehudi to design me a back-talker!"
Glad you're a spitfire, honey!
"Yikes! Here comes Auntie Mary!"
Must say, Queen Ingrid's flower gardens are as pretty now as they were in her day.
Vinnie's practicing the side eye he'll be giving Mor for the rest of her life!
Well, this is unfortunate.
I'd bet that's a face these children will have a lot while they live at home. Unless it's true and Xian really is a mouth breather, oh please no.
Joizuz, Mary! No one wants to see that!!!! How can someone be so skinny and yet still so beefy?
Good play, Far!
Good, Derf. More of the same, please!
Nice interaction with Josie, Derfie.
What a cutie patootie!
If only the brothers could really interact, but Joachim takes his wife's side in Discipline-Gate. Fred doesn't take anyone's side.
If I didn't know better, I'd think Fred has a thing for his little lookalike!
Very nice! Ha, look at Niko's floppy shoe sole. Total teenager.
Wonder if this is one of Henrik's outdoor sculptures?
Far's weird shark tattoo. Wonder if his sons are also doomed to look like hardened sailors when they're men?
"Where the hell is your grandfather? I'm about to fall asleep!"
Out for the marching band's parade!
They must be playing some really groovy tunes this year!
Something about poor Josie's shot putter posture here that reminds of thissie.
"Far, make them play Jerry Garcia or Zeppelin like you play for us!"
So, were Izzy and Herr Xian in th eswimming pool between garden photies and the band? Why didn't the twins or other children (also with dry hair) take a dip? Different nannies, different treats?
Poor Felix! Creepy Auntie Mary loves to sneak up on him and his brother from behind! Eeek!
"One last shot of my sexy shoulder, boys! I'm sending this one to Mr. Bach!"
See you next summer! We'll be working on all sorts of great new surprises for you!
Photos: Tim Riediger/Getty Images Europe